"Hey, hey, we are The Monkees; We've said it all before; The money's in, we're made of tin; we're here to give you more; The money's in, we're made of tin, we're here to give you..."

"Anyway, the idea is this: byproducts. Imagine Italians. Blonde wigs for kids! Swords! The whole phallic thing is happening! I mean, why don't we use CLASSIC things? MILLIONS! I'm telling you, MILLIONS!"

"'Atta boy, Mike. 'Atta boy. 'Atta boy, Mike. 'Atta boy, Mike."

"Jack Nicholson - Movie Director in Restaurant"

"Dennis Hopper - Himself"

"Bob Rafelson - Himself"

"Ray Nitschke - Private One"

"T. C. Jones - Mr. and Mrs. Ace"

"Charles Irving - Mayor Feedback"

"William Bagdad - Black Sheik"

"Charles Macaulay - Inspector Shrink"

"Logan Ramsey - Officer Faye Lapid"

"Abraham Sofaer - Swami"

"Vito Scotti - I. Vitteloni"

"Percy Helton - Heraldic Messenger"

"Frank Zappa - The Critic"

"Carol Doda - Sally Silicone"

"Sonny Liston - Extra"

"Boys, don't never, but never, make fun of no cripples."

"Timothy Carey - Lord High 'n' Low"

"Bearded Man: Skunk bait. That's what the world is full of; that's what it's based on. That's what this economy is based on."

"Peter Tork - Peter"

"Play Man: Somebody come up and giggle at ya, that's a violation of your civil rights."

"David Jones - Davy"

"Mrs. Ace: Changing your image, darling? While you're at it, why don't you have them write you some talent."

"Micky Dolenz - Micky"

"Michael Nesmith - Mike"

"Interviewee: Are you telling me that you don't see the connection between government and laughing at people?"

"Cow: Monkees is the craziest people!"

"Lee Kolima - Guard"

"Terry Chambers - Hero"

"Mike Burns - Nothing"

"Esther Shepard - Mother"

"Kristine Helstoski - Girl Friend"

"June Fairchild - The Jumper"