"[after sensing Nicky's presence again] Why do you taunt me with your darkness!? You're evil! It's stinking up our streets! The end is near! We are all going to die—[slams into a lightpost and falls]…We will meet again, Lucifer…"

"Though I cannot see with these blind eyes, I know the good Lord still loves me! He loves all of his children—why he loves you, and he loves you…[smells Nicky's presence] You make the Lord…very nervous! You…I'm burning now! Hellfire is burning me alive! The beast is alive! He's among us! Clear the streets! The devil is here…!"

""Everything's fine"? Who're you bullshitting? The last time you said everything was fine, the Renaissance happened!"

"What's with all those "hoo-hoo" noises?"

"You know, I was the one who created Hell."

"Even in Hell, I get no respect."

"Easy, don't choke."

"The shit has hit the fan, kid! Take a look."

"Look, it's okay for me to shit in the street, but you've got to use a toilet."

"[after firing an arrow at Adrian through his genitals] Now, that hurt the both of us."

"[while peeing on Todd's "I Love Acting" door mat] You love acting, I love pissing."

"Kid's got a lot of evil in him just begging to come out!"

"(Mocking) "But those are my roommates sodas!" Does that sound like a statement the Son of the Devil would make?"

"[deleted scene; he grabs the microphone at the stadium] I get one more shot. The ref can cover me. If I miss it, the Globetrotters have to forfeit. But if I make it, this guy doesn't ref the second half and we all start conducting ourselves as decent human beings again. [the crowd is silent] And we get free pizza! [the crowd roars in joy]"

"[deleted scene; about the flask] It was handcrafted in Hell by Satan himself, and its sole purpose is to get the Fireball of Hades burning once again."

"[to a crowd of people, in a high voice] I will eat your heart."

"The Prince of Darkness should have a sort of distinguished look to him, and let's face facts, I'm no George Clooney."

"Get in the flask!"

"[after being killed by a bus] From now on, I'm just going to try to avoid all moving metal objects."

"Popeyes Chicken is fucking awesome!"

"I never been to Earth, Dad! I never even slept over some other dude's house!"

"Release the good. Release the awesome!"

"But those are my roommate's sodas!"

"Release the evil!"

"I'm sleeping, or am I?"

"[to his boss, on the phone] In a pig's eye, you will!...Hey listen monkey face, when you fired me, you fired the best newshound your filthy scandal sheet ever had...That was free verse, you gashouse palooka!"

"Charles C. Wilson - Joe Gordon"

"Blanche Friderici - Zeke's wife"

"Arthur Hoyt - Zeke"

"Alan Hale - Danker"

"Jameson Thomas - King Westley"

"Roscoe Karns - Oscar Shapeley"

"Walter Connolly - Alexander Andrews"

"Claudette Colbert - Ellie Andrews"

"Clark Gable - Peter Warne"

"Together for the first time!"

"Two great lovers of the screen in the grandest of romantic comedies !"

"Shapeley: [to Ellie] Well, shut my big nasty mouth! It looks like you're one up on me. You know, there's nothing I like better than to meet a high-class mama that can snap 'em back at ya. 'Cause the colder they are, the hotter they get. That's what I always say. Yes, sir, when a cold mama gets hot, boy, how she sizzles. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Now, you're just my type. Believe me, sister, I could go for you in a big way. 'Fun-on-the-side' Shapeley they call me, with accent on the fun, believe you me."

"Shapeley: Shapeley's the name - and that's the way I like 'em!"

"Detective: We're wasting our time. Can you imagine Ellie Andrews riding on a bus?"

"[to Ellie, as she is walking down the aisle] That guy Warne is OK. He didn't want the reward. All he asked for was $39.60, what he spent on you. Said it was a matter of principle. You took him for a ride. He loves you Ellie. He told me so. You don't want to be married to a mug like Westley. I can buy him off for a pot of gold. And you can make an old man happy and you won't do so bad for yourself. If you change your mind, your car's waiting back at the gate."

"[to King Westley] I admit I'm licked. But it's only because I'm worried. If I don't find her soon, I'll go crazy...if she returns, I won't interfere with your marriage."

"[to Peter] You think I'm a fool and a spoiled brat. Well, perhaps I am, although I don't see how I can be. People who are spoiled are accustomed to having their own way. I never have. On the contrary. I've always been told what to do, and how to do it, and when, and with whom. Would you believe it? This is the first time I've ever been alone with a man!...It's a wonder I'm not panic-stricken...Nurses, governesses, chaperones, even bodyguards. Oh, it's been a lot of fun."

"[to Peter] There is a brain behind that face of yours, isn't there? You've got everything nicely figured out for yourself."

"[to Shapeley] I got a couple of machine guns in my suitcase. I'll let you have one of 'em. May have a little trouble up North. Have to shoot it out with the cops. But if you come through all right, those five G's are as good as in the bag, maybe more. I'll have a talk with the Killer, see that he takes care of ya....yeah, yeah, the big boy, the boss of the outfit. You ever hear of Bugs Dooley?...He was a nice guy, just like you. But he made a big mistake one day. Got a little too talkative. Do you know what happened to his kid?...Well, I can't tell you, but when Bugs heard about it, he blew his brains out."