"Sandi Toksvig: "In The Life Scientific, Jim Al-Khalili talks to professor James Long about his groundbreaking work analysing personality traits from peoples' urine samples. That's Taking the Piss, this Wednesday.""

"Barry Cryer: "Barry Island Discs.""

"Sandi Toksvig: "Tune in for the new quiz with Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman, and all the contestants go commando. That's Pantless, today at five.""

"Pippa Evans: "At 7pm tonight, tiny insects discuss fashion accessories. That's Fleabag on BBC Two"."

"Stephen Fry: "Later on Radio 4 we explore a prominent psychologist's take on the phallic nature of London's tallest building. That's Shard and Freud, later on Radio 4.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Racing from Chepstow.""

"Rob Brydon: "Mirhondda.""

"Stephen Fry: "And talking of piers, Piers Morgan and Katie Hopkins visit Oxford to examine the Reverend Spooner's passion for the repair and maintenance of the city's traditional watercraft. That's Care of Punts, coming soon.""

"Miles Jupp: "Coming up this evening, Ben Fogle takes his fossil hammer to Dorset's Jurassic coast on a hunt for the perfect ammonite. That's Cracking One Out with Ben Fogle, later this evening.""

"Graeme Garden: "Abergavenny Questions.""

"Gary Delaney: "Coming up next, it's the crossover you never knew you needed - Ocean's Eleven meets Radio 4, but controversy strikes as the charismatic lead is replaced by Jack Dee in I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clooney.""

"Barry Cryer: "Brecon's Got Talent.""

"Pippa Evans: "On ITV at eight o'clock, mystery guests sing songs while wearing elaborate masks, before a celebrity jury attempts to guess which is the least attractive. That's The Masked Minger at eight o'clock.""

"Graeme Garden: "C.S.I. Myfanwy.""

"Graeme Garden: "Doctor Huw Vs. The Harlechs.""

"Jack Dee: "Though often warned, a boy called Rex still tampered with electric flex...""

"Jack Dee: "One day a small girl called Sophia climbed right inside the tumble dryer...""

"Tony Hawks: "Who Wants To Be a Legionnaire?""

"Jack Dee: "Young Nigel earned a stern reproof for doing cartwheels on the roof...""

"Barry Cryer: "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clwyd.""

"Jack Dee: "The infant Mike had such bad genes, he lived on top shelf magazines...""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Dancing on Eisteddfod.""

"Barry Cryer: "The Glyndebourne Supremacy.""

"Jack Dee: "Daisy Pugh and husband Gus, spiced up their sex life on the bus...""

"Jack Dee: "Poor Mrs. Wilhelmina Binns was knackered giving birth to quins...""

"Graeme Garden: "Merthyr, She Wrote.""

"Jack Dee: "A wicked habit of young Bill's, was rifling through his father's pills...""

"Rob Brydon: "News at Tenby.""

"Jack Dee: "Young James thought it would be a lark, to ride upon a great white shark...""

"Tony Hawks: "Only Fools on Horses.""

"Jeremy Hardy: "Meet the Osbornes.""

"Barry Cryer: "Toff Gear.""

"Barry Cryer: "The Noise Abatement Society - ...""

"Tony Hawks: "Au-pair Winfrey.""

"John Finnemore: "Prosecco - For those special occasions that aren't that special.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Vodafone - Mos...ubbish...obile...hone...cept...in...country.""

"John Finnemore: "Fray Bentos - Don't ask, don't tell.""

"Barry Cryer: "Birds of a Feather... Bang!""

"Graeme Garden: "Mock the Leek.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! - It's not butter!""

"Tony Hawks: "Ferrero Rocher - They're the dogs' bollocks!""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Second Homes Under the Hammer.""

"Barry Cryer: Guantanamo Bay - Made to make your mouth water.""

"Jeremy Hardy: "My Name is Earl.""

"Tony Hawks: "Aldi - When you can't afford Lidl.""

"Tony Hawks: "Fox News.""

"Tony Hawks: "Instead of Casualty, Formal Tea.""

"Caroline Quentin: "Veet - Because all women should look and feel like raw sausages.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "My Big Fat Gypsy Trespasser.""