"Can you feel her heart beat racing? Can you taste the fear in her sweat? You've done this wrong, it's too far gone these sheets tell of regret I admit that I am just a fool for you. I am just a fool for you..."

"I want you to turn to the fourteen-year-old girl next to you and mosh her training bra off!"

"This next song goes out to all the kids with braces, for keeping it metal!"

"I just wanted you guys to know that I will not be happy until I find some 18 year old girl who will let me rest my balls on her face like a pair of spooky glasses...that are wet...and were dropped on the barbershop floor...and smell"

"Hello! I have been brought back through surgery and technological advancements to come and kill all emo children! You will die through a barrage of licks! You will die, and then I will take your emo bones, grind them up into a minty candy—kinda like Mentos, but it will be called Emos, and it will not be the Freshmaker, it will be the Pussymaker! "Oh, but I have emotions! I have emotions!" Fuck your emotions! Drink beer and fuck women!"

"This song is what happens when God Forbid rides a skateboard, "When Darkness Falls""

"This song is about the time Howard fell in the shower, "When Darkness Falls""