"[Upon seeing Kelly, assuming Kelly is there to yell at him for shelling Kelly's unit by accident the previous night] Wait, Kelly, wait. Will you listen to me a second? Will ya listen to me! It's not me, I tell ya, it's not me! I - I can't tell one shell from another, they all look alike! They all look alike. If was me, if I could tell, would I be here? WOULD I BE HERE?! I wouldn't be here, Kelly!"

"I'm gonna decorate every man in this penetration unit, whoever they are. They saved the reputation of this entire army. [To his officers] You're the ones supposed to be fightin' this battle, and you don't even know where the hell it is! Well, I'll tell you where it is. It's thirty miles beyond where you thought it was. Booker! Come on, now, let's get this army of mine back in the war!"

"[Listening to Kelly on the radio] Attack, attack, attack! Listen to this guy! That's the kinda fighting spirit I was talkin' about! If he's a major he's a colonel now!"

"We see our role as essentially defensive in nature. While our armies are advancing so fast and everyone's knocking themselves out to be heroes, we are holding ourselves in reserve in case the Krauts mount a counteroffensive which threatens Paris... or maybe even New York. Then we can move in and stop them. But for 1.6 million dollars, we could become heroes for three days."

"Oh, him? Name's Kelly. Used to be a lieutenant. Pretty good one, too. Till they gave orders to attack the wrong hill. Wiped out half a company of GI's. Somebody had to take the blame and he got picked."

"Ross Elliott - Colonel Booker"

"Karl-Otto Alberty - Tiger tank commander"

"George Savalas - First Sergeant Mulligan"

"Skeeter: Now can I poke him?"

"[bracing for impact when the Depelter Turbo activates] Prepare for a lot of stinging!"

"[after Vincent retaliates by punching him in the face for accidentally shocking him] You guys wanna party, do ya? All right, then, let's party!"

"[last words while she and Dwayne are both being arrested by the police for illegally possessing a Depelter Turbo; begging desperately] No! It's not my fault! LET GO OF ME! [Police Officer: Ma'am.] I CAN'T BE ARRESTED! [Police Officer: Excuse me...] I'M THE PRESIDENT OF THE HOMEOWNER'S ASSOCIATION!"

"[attacking RJ and the woodland animals along with Dwayne and Vincent while cutting the hedge with a string trimmer] Show your rat little faces! Filthy creatures! [zoom out, showing the three villains attacking them on both sides of the hedge as they're cornered inside] STAY IN THE WOODS WHERE YOU BELONG!"

"[after Dwayne sets up a lot of animal traps in her backyard to keep animals off her property while RJ watches from inside the hedge] Did you put this one in? This Depelter Turbo? [Dwayne: That's a contraband item, ma'am, as it is illegal in every state, except Texas.] I don't care if this thing's against the Geneva Conventions. I want it! [Dwayne: (chuckles) I thought you might. So I took the liberty of installing it for you.]"

"Debbie? I don't remember seeing a permit out for a gathering. Groups of more than one who wish to get... [sees Ozzie lying on the ground, playing dead; screams in alarm]"

"[exits her house and spits out her coffee, seeing the neighborhood in a mess, and calls a number on her phone] Hello? I need every business listing you have under "exterminator.""