"Mouling Jackson: [singing] Don't you ever say "No" to me / Listen, I'm a lady. Period. / Classy, too. / Won't you come over here / And I'll prove it to you / And then if you still don't think / I got style and grace / I'm going to oh, so gracefully / rip the lips off of your face!"

"Western White House Tour Guide: All right, people. Let's move it! Please, ma'am. No spitting in the hallway!"

"Panhandler: Excuse me? Sir? Can you spare $25.00 for... for a cup of coffee?"

"Lucy: [answering the phone at the Western White House] Hi! United States of America!... No, this is Lucy... Oh! Yes, Mr. Ambassador! I'll tell him you called!"

"President Roosevelt was a successful graduate of EST, Scientology, TM and Primal Grope Therapy. And he was elected on a platform unique in American political history: "I'm not a schmuck!" Even though that was Chet's only campaign promise, it looked like it would be a tough one to keep."

"Everyone all across the country was watching the telethon. From what was left of New York, to the first all-gay state, North Dakota. All eyes were glued to their sets... [shot of men at stand-up urinals watching television] ...which in some cases, ruined a lot of good shoes."

"[in a press conference] God knows I am a patriot. I loaned the country 400 Billion. And I want my 400 Million back. Does that make me a bad guy? I've got to eat too, you know! So I'm giving the President until the end of September this year to pay me back, or I'll be forced to foreclose. What can I do? I've got to eat too, you know! Does that make me a bad guy?"

"Max: [whilst training Pendleton in the spacious mansion grounds] This isn't going to work. You're playing football with a bunch of butlers!"

"He's been drugged by those two downstairs. This is a murder. See how he's slowly sliding into the water?"

"Julia: You locked me in a closet!"

"We don't care how much it costs, just how much it makes. If it costs too much, we charge a penny more. Would you pay more to save a fish who thinks?"

"The likelihood of one individual being right increases in direct proportion to the intensity with which others are trying to prove him wrong."

"Life's a busman's holiday with you!"

"Mary Spaeth - Palm Reader"

"Annie Golden - Tin Market Musician"

"Fern Persons - Elderly Woman"

"Rocky Carroll - Tom"

"Debra Monk - Aunt Dorothy"

"Stanley Tucci - Taylor"

"Patty Duke - Mrs. Boyle"

"Ned Beatty - Dr. Boyle"

"Kathy Bates - Leah Blier"

"Sydney Walker - Julius Blier"

"Meg Ryan - Rita Boyle"

"Alec Baldwin - Peter Hoskins"

"Can I give you two a piece of advice? Floss."

"Je hebt erg witte tanden."

"I have had a most rare vision. I have had a dream. Past the wit of man to say what dream it was. Man is but an ass if he go about to expound this dream. Methought I was... There's no man can tell what. Methought I was... Methought I had... Man is but a patched fool is he will offer to say what I had."

"John Sessions - Philostrate"

"Bernard Hill - Egeus"

"Sam Rockwell - Francis Flute"

"Bill Irwin - Tom Snout"

"Gregory Jbara - Snug"

"Max Wright - Robin Starveling"

"Roger Rees - Peter Quince"

"Sophie Marceau - Hippolyta"

"David Strathairn - Theseus"

"Dominic West - Lysander"

"Christian Bale - Demetrius"

"Anna Friel - Hermia"

"Calista Flockhart - Helena"

"Stanley Tucci - Puck"