"“We’ve always been against a police force in Bonk,” said the baroness. “We feel it interferes with the liberty of the individual.” “Well, I have certainly heard that argument advanced,” said Vimes. “Of course, it depends on whether the individual you are thinking of is yourself or the one climbing out of the bathroom,” he noted the grimace, “window with the family silver in a sack.” (p. 199)"

"“We were expecting one of the more...experienced...diplomats...” “Oh, I can hand around the thin cucumber sandwiches like anyone,” said Vimes. “And if you want little golden balls of chocolate piled up in a heap, I’m your man.” (p. 199)"

"And this was diplomacy, too, he thought, when you let your mouth chatter away while you watched people’s eyes. It’s just like being a copper. (p. 198)"

"Well, he thought, so this is diplomacy. It’s lying, only for a better class of people. (p. 196)"

"I haven’t been sent to a coronation. I’ve been sent to a war that hasn’t started yet. (p. 193)"

"Lord Vetinari, I know, believes that information is currency. But everyone knows that currency has alvays been information. Money doesn’t need to talk, it merely has to listen. (p. 192)"

"“I believe you vere an alcoholic, Sir Samuel.” “No,” said Vimes, completely taken aback, “I was a drunk. You have to be richer than I was to be an alcoholic.” (p. 189)"

"She moved like someone who had grown used to her body and, in general, looked like what Vimes had heard described as “a woman of a certain age.” He’d never been quite certain what age that was. (p. 188)"

"“When people say ‘we must move with the times’ they really mean ‘you must do it my way.’” (p. 181)"

"“Is there some problem?” said Vimes, catching up with the fast-moving Dee. “We have no problems.” Ah, he’s already lied to me, thought Vimes. We’re being diplomatic. (p. 175)"

"The document was handed back, hurriedly. Vimes could read the body language, even written smaller than usual—there was probably an expensive problem here, so the guards were inclined to leave it to someone who earned more money than they did. (p. 173)"

"“When I pointed out that you were an aristocrat, he—” “I am not an—well, I’m not really a—” “Yes, Your Grace. But if you’ll be advised by me, a lot of diplomacy lies in appearing to be a lot more stupid than you are. You’ve made a good start, Your Grace.” (p. 144)"

"You can find your average, amateur killers on every street. They’re mostly deranged or drunk or some poor woman who’s had a hard day and the husband has raised his hand once too often and suddenly twenty years of frustration takes over. Killing a stranger without malice or satisfaction, other than the craftsman’s pride in a job well done, is such a rare talent that armies spend months trying to instill it into their young soldiers. Most people will shy away from killing people they haven’t been introduced to. (p. 134)"

"“And now it appears that we have reached what Sergeant Colon persists in referring to as an imp arse.” (p. 130)"

"Vimes hated and despised the privileges of rank, but they had this to be said for them: At least they meant that you could hate and despise them in comfort. (p. 111)"

"He was, in fact, functionally literate. That is, he thought of reading and writing like he thought about boots—you needed them, but they weren’t supposed to be fun, and you got suspicious about people who got a kick out of them. (p. 95)"

"Yes, he did have a clean desk. But that was because he was throwing all the paperwork away. (p. 95)"

"The little flickering part of his brain that was still sparking coherent thought through the fog of mind-numbing terror that filled Colon’s head was telling him that he was so far out of his depth that the fish had lights on their noses. (p. 95)"

"As a lifelong uniformed man, a three-striped peg that had found a three-striped hole very early in its career, he subscribed automatically and unthinkingly to the belief that officers as a class could not put their own trousers on without a map. He conscientiously excluded Vimes and Carrot from the list, automatically elevating them to the rank of honorary sergeant. (p. 78)"

"“Really,” said Gaspode. “Nothing good starts with ‘I need your help.’” (p. 75)"

"“Can you think of any reason why someone would kill him?” The troll scratched his head. “Well, ‘cos dey wanted him dead, I reckon. Dat’s a good reason.” (p. 67)"

"It was funny how people were people everywhere you went, even if the people concerned weren’t the people the people who made up the phrase “people are people everywhere” had traditionally thought of as people. (p. 42)"

"He was aware that a wise man should always respect the folkways of others, to use Carrot’s happy phrase, but Vimes often had difficulty with this idea. For one thing, there were people in the world whose folkways consisted of gutting other people like clams and this was not a procedure that commanded, in Vimes, any kind of respect at all. (p. 42)"

"Sam Vimes could parallel process. Most husbands can. They learn to follow their own line of thought while at the same time listening to what their wives say. And the listening is important, because at any time they could be challenged and must be ready to quote the last sentence in full. A vital additional skill is being able to scan the dialogue for telltale phrases, such as “and they can deliver it tomorrow” or “so I’ve invited them for dinner” or “they can do it in blue, really quite cheaply.” (pp. 29-30)"

"Vimes nodded, dourly. That made sense, too. You did something because it had always been done, and the explanation was “but we’ve always done it this way.” A million dead people can’t have been wrong, can they? (p. 25)"

"The young woman stood on a corner of the Shades. Her general stance indicated that she was, in the specialized patois of the area, a lady in waiting. To be more precise, a lady in waiting for Mr. Right, or at least Mr. Right Amount. (pp. 19-20)"

"“Let me see if I’ve got this right,” said Vimes. “Überwald is like this big suet pudding that everybody’s suddenly noticed, and now with this coronation as an excuse we’ve all got to rush there with knife, fork and spoon to shovel as much on our plates as possible?” “Your grasp of political reality is masterful, Vimes. You lack only the appropriate vocabulary.” (p. 16)"

"The crowd watched silently. If it were funny, clowns wouldn’t be doing it. (p. 8)"

"“It’s a thing that is,” said Granny sharply. “Don’t go spilling allegory all down your shirt.” “Well, I feel...blessed to have seen it.” “Really? I gen’rally feel the same about the sunrise,” said Granny. “You would too, at my time of life.” (p. 364)"

"Don’t trust the cannibal just ‘cos he’s usin’ a knife and fork. (p. 360)"

"The old Count nodded gracefully. “Your servant, madam,” he said. “I doubt it,” said Granny. (p. 356)"

"“We are vampires. We cannot help what we are.” “Only animals can’t help what they are,” said Granny. (p. 356)"

"People have to kill their own vampires. (p. 341)"

"“Be resolute, my dear,” said the Count. Remember—that which does not kill us can only make us stronger.” “And that which does kill us leaves us dead!” (p. 338)"

"There’s no point in having underlings if you don’t let them be the first to go through suspicious doors. (p. 337)"

"Vampires are not naturally cooperative creatures. It’s not in their nature. Every other vampire is a rival for the next meal. In fact, the ideal situation for a vampire is a world in which every other vampire has been killed off and no one seriously believes in vampires anymore. They are by nature as cooperative as sharks. Vampyres are just the same, the only real difference being that they can’t spell properly. (pp. 336-337)"

"“What’s the magic word?” he snarled. “Oh, I don’t think a holy man like you should be having with magic words,” said Granny. “But the holy words are: do what I tell you or get smitten. They should do the trick.” (p. 331)"

"“Your magic amulet’s gone, too,” she said. “The one with the turtle and the little man on it.” “It’s not a magic amulet, Mistress Weatherwax! Please! A magic amulet is a symbol of primitive and mechanistic superstition, whereas the Turtle of Om is...is...is...well, it’s not, do you understand?” “Oh, right. Thank you for explaining,” said Granny. (p. 331)"

"“I’ve never been one to put myself forward,” said the Countess, “but I strongly suggest you find a new plan, dear. One which works, perhaps?” (p. 324)"

"Traditionally a keepsake is meant to be a lock of their hair, not their entire skull— (p. 322)"

"She clearly wasn’t a vampire. She didn’t even like the idea of rare steak. She’d tried to see if she could fly, when she thought people weren’t looking, but she was as attractive to gravity as ever. (p. 320)"

"Perdita was horrified. It’ll give them nightmares! No, thought Agnes. It’ll take the nightmares away. Sometimes, everyone has to know the monster is dead, and remember, so that they can tell their grandchildren. (p. 320)"

"“Now if I’d seen him, really there, really alive, it’d be in me like a fever. If I thought there was some god who really did care two hoots about people, who watched ‘em like a father and cared for ‘em like a mother...well, you wouldn’t catch me sayin’ things like ‘there are two sides to every question’ and ‘we must respect other people’s beliefs.’ You wouldn’t find me just being gen’rally nice in the hope that it’d all turn out right in the end, not if that flame was burning in me like an unforgivin’ sword. And I did say burnin’, Mister Oats, ‘cos that’s what it’d be. You say that you people don’t burn folk and sacrifice people anymore, but that’s what true faith would mean, y’see? Sacrificin’ your own life, one day at a time, to the flame, declarin’ the truth of it, workin’ for it, breathin’ the soul of it. That’s religion. Anything else is just...is just bein’ nice. And a way of keepin’ in touch with the neighbors.” (p. 310)"

"People you can believe in, sometimes, but not gods. (p. 309)"

"“Your god, Mister Oats, tries everyone. That’s what gods generally do, and that’s why I don’t truck with ’em. And they lays down rules all the time.” “There have to be rules, Mistress Weatherwax.” “And what’s the first one that your Om requires, then?” “That believers should worship no other god but Om,” said Oats promptly. “Oh yes? That’s gods for you. Very self-centered, as a rule.” (p. 306)"

"Oats knelt in the mud and tried a prayer, but there was no answering voice from the sky. There never had been. He’d been told never to expect one. That wasn’t how Om worked anymore. Alone of all the gods, he’d been taught, Om delivered the answers straight into the depths of the head. Since the prophet Brutha, Om was the silent god. That’s what they said. If you didn’t have faith, then you weren’t anything. There was just the dark. He shuddered in the gloom. Was the god silent, or was there no one to speak? (p. 281)"

"Suddenly he was angry. “And that’s what you think religion is, is it?” he said, trying to keep his temper. “I gen’rally don’t think about it at all,” said the voice behind him. (p. 279)"

"“You’re not a believer yourself, then, Mistress Weatherwax?”... “Oh, I reckon I believes in tea, sunrises, that sort of thing,” said Granny. “I was referring to religion.” “I know a few gods in these parts, if that’s what you mean.” Oats sighed. “Many people find faith a great solace,” he said. He wished he was one of them. “Good.” “Really? Somehow I thought you’d argue.” “It’s not my place to tell ’em what to believe, if they act decent.” “But it’s not something you feel drawn to, perhaps, in the darker hours?” “No. I’ve already got a hot water bottle.” (pp. 278-279; ellipsis represents a minor elision of description)"

"“You strong in your faith, then?” she said, as if she couldn’t leave things alone. Oats sighed. “I try to be.” “But you read a lot of books, I’m thinking. Hard to have faith, ain’t it, when you read too many books.” (p. 278)"

"“And that’s what your holy men discuss, is it?” “Not usually. There is a very interesting debate raging at the moment about the nature of sin, for example.” “And what do they think? Against it, are they?” “It’s not as simple as that. It’s not a black and white issue. There are so many shades of gray.” “Nope.” “Pardon?” “There’s no grays, only white that’s got grubby. I’m surprised you don’t know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That’s what sin is.” “It’s a lot more complicated than that—” “No. It ain’t. When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they’re getting worried that they won’t like the truth. People as things, that’s where it starts.” ”Oh, I’m sure there are worse crimes—” ”But they starts with thinking about people as things…” (pp. 277-278)"