"“I’ve got a question. Can you give me a straight answer?” “I’ll try, of course.” “What the hell is going on?” Lu-Tze brushed the snow off a rock. “Oh,” he said. “One of the difficult questions.” (p. 143)"

"”What kind of philosophy is that?” (p. 123)"

"Look, boy, violence is the resort of the violent. (p. 105)"

"History needs shepherds, not butchers. (p. 104)"

"The wise man does not seek enlightenment, he waits for it. So while I was waiting, it occurred to me that seeking perplexity might be more fun. (p. 102)"

"A chocolate you did not want to eat does not count as chocolate. This discovery is from the same branch of culinary physics that determined that food eaten while walking along contains no calories. (p. 97)"

"“What precisely was it you wanted, madam?” she said. It’s just that I’ve left the class doing algebra, and they get restless when they’ve finished.” “Algebra?” said Madam Frout, perforce staring at her own bosom, which no one else had ever done. “But that’s far too difficult for seven-year-olds!” “Yes, but I didn’t tell them that and so far they haven’t found out,” said Susan. (p. 95)"

"He wasn’t sure he liked everything that was happening, but a lot of it was “cultural,” apparently, and you couldn’t object to that, so he didn’t. “Cultural” sort of solved problems by explaining that they weren’t really there. (p. 90)"

"Susan did an unusual thing and listened. That’s not an easy task for a teacher. (p. 86)"

"Susan did not waste breath saying things like, “That’s impossible” at a time like this. Only people who believed that they lived in the real world said things like that. (p. 83)"

"“No one would be that stu—” Susan stopped. Of course someone would be that stupid. Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying “End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH,” the paint wouldn’t even have time to dry. (p. 82)"

"It was hard to deal with people when a tiny part of you saw them as a temporary collection of atoms that would not be around in another few decades. (p. 81)"

"And as far as Susan was concerned... Well, she was partly immortal, and that was all there was to it. She could see things that were really there,† she could put time on and take it off like an overcoat. Rules that applied to everyone else, like gravity, applied to her only when she let them."

"It was a mystery to her why Death had started using the place. Of course, he did have many of the qualities of a gentleman; he had a place in the country—a far, dark country—was unfailingly punctual, was courteous to all those he met—and sooner or later he met everyone—was well if soberly dressed, at home in any company, and, proverbially, a good horseman. The fact that he was the Grim Reaper was the only bit that didn’t quite fit. (pp. 79-80)"

"Some distance away from Madam Frout’s Academy, in Esoteric Street, were a number of gentlemen’s clubs. It would be far too cynical to say that here the term “gentlemen” was simply defined as “someone who can afford five hundred dollars a year”; they also had to be approved of by a great many other gentlemen who could afford the same fee. And they didn’t much like the company of ladies. This was not to say that they were that kind of gentlemen, who had their own, rather better decorated clubs in another part of town, where there was generally a lot more going on. These gentlemen were gentlemen of a class who were, on the whole, bullied by ladies from an early age. Their lives were steered by nurses, governesses, matrons, mothers, and wives, and after four or five decades of that the average mild-mannered gentleman gave up and escaped as politely as possible to one of these clubs, where he could snooze the afternoon away in a leather armchair with the top button of his trousers undone. (pp. 78-79)"

"Most people have some means of filling up the gap between perception and reality, and, after all, in those circumstances there are far worse things than gin. (p. 72)"

"Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they’re allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean. (p. 70)"

"He was definitely a boy with special needs. In the view of the staff, they began with an exorcism. (p. 68)"

"“There have been complaints?” said Miss Susan. “Er, no...er...although Miss Smith has told me that the children coming up from your class are, er, restless. Their reading ability is, she says, rather unfortunately advanced...” “Miss Smith thinks a good book is about a boy and his dog chasing a big red ball,” said Miss Susan. “My children have learned to expect a plot. No wonder they get impatient. We’re reading Grim Fairy Tales at the moment.” “That is rather rude of you, Susan.” “No, madam. That is rather polite of me. It would have been rude of me to say that there is a circle of Hell reserved for teachers like Miss Smith.” (pp. 65-66)"

"When you look into the abyss, it’s not supposed to wave back. (p. 64)"

"“I will teach you to deal with time as you would deal with a coat, to be worn when necessary and discarded when not.” “Will I have to wash it?” said Clodpool. Wen gave him a long, slow look. ”That was either a very complex piece of thinking on your part, Clodpool, or you were just trying to overextend a metaphor in a rather stupid way. Which, do you think, it was?” (p. 61)"

"They were not bad men. They had worked hard on behalf of the valley for hundreds of years. But it is possible, after a while, to develop certain dangerous habits of thought. One is that, while all important enterprises need careful organization, it is the organization that needs organizing, rather than the enterprise. And another is that tranquillity is always a good thing. (p. 32)"

"“Questions don’t have to make sense, Vincent,” said Miss Susan. “But answers do.” (p. 25)"

"Contrary to the headmistress’s instructions, Miss Susan did not let the children do what they liked. She let them do what she liked. It had turned out to be a lot more interesting for everyone. (p. 21)"

"“Strict,” in fact, was a word that seemed to cover everything about Miss Susan and, in the classroom, she insisted on the Miss in the same way that a king insists upon Your Majesty, and for pretty much the same reason. (p. 21)"

"Genius is always allowed some leeway, once the hammer has been pried from its hands and the blood has been cleaned up. (p. 17)"

"An immortal has a great deal to remember. Sometimes it’s better to put things where they will be safe. (p. 12)"

"They were not life-forms. They were...nonlife-forms. They were the observers of the operation of the universe, its clerks, its auditors. They saw to it that things spun and rocks fell. And they believed that for a thing to exist it had to have a position in time and space. Humanity had arrived as a nasty shock. Humanity practically was things that didn’t have a position in time and space, such as imagination, pity, hope, history, and belief. Take those away and all you had was an ape that fell out of trees a lot. (p. 7)"

"Nine-tenths of the universe, in fact, is the paperwork. (p. 3)"

"I know that time was made for men, not the other way around. (p. 2)"

"Nothing has to be true forever. Just for long enough, to tell you the truth. (p. 348; closing words)"

"“Look at it like this,” said Sacharissa, starting a fresh page. “Some people are heroes. And some people jot down notes.” “Yes, but that’s not very—” Sacharissa glanced up and flashed him a smile. “Sometimes they’re the same person,” she said. (pp. 347-348)"

"“I’m sure we can pull together, sir.” Lord Vetinari raised his eyebrows. “Oh, I do hope not, I really do hope not. Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions.” He smiled. “It’s the only way to make progress. That, and, of course, moving with the times.” (p. 340)"

"I have nothing to offer you except thanks, which of course are notorious for their evaporative tendencies. (p. 339)"

"No enemy was too strong, no wound was too dire, and no sword was too heavy for a de Worde. No grave was too deep, either. (p. 338)"

"I can read your mind, even the small print. (p. 337)"

"“It was for your own good,” Vimes growled. “I didn’t know it was your job to decide what was good for me.” (p. 324)"

"“Come on Mr. de Worde. We’re on the same side here!” “No. We’re just on two different sides that happen to be side by side.” (p. 323)"

"The words came easier now. He’d leapt from the building and found that he could fly. (p. 317)"

"“I mean, everyone says that sort of thing, don’t they? ‘I did it for the best,’ ‘the end justifies the means’...the same words, every time.” “Don’t you agree, then, that it’s time for a ruler who listens to the people?” “Maybe. Which people did you have in mind?” (pp. 316-317)"

"said Death. he added, (p. 313)"

"“No, just very, very arrogant,” said William. “We’ve always been privileged, you see. Privilege just means ‘private law.’ That’s exactly what it means. He just doesn’t believe the ordinary laws apply to him. He really believes they can’t touch him, and that if they do he can just shout until they go away. That’s the de Worde tradition, and we’re good at it. Shout at people, get your way, ignore the rules. It’s the de Worde way. Up until me, obviously.” (p. 310)"

"“Are you sure of all this, William?” she said. “Yes.” “I mean, some bits—are you sure it’s all true?” “I’m sure it’s all journalism,” said William. “And what is that supposed to mean?” “It means it’s true enough for now.” (p. 308)"

"But they did care fiercely about things. Without things, people were just bright animals. (p. 283)"

"“What do you think happens to people when they die, Tulip?” Mr. Tulip was taken aback. “What kind of —ing question is that? You know what happens!” “Do I?” “Certainly. Remember when we had to leave that guy in that —ing barn and it was a week before we got to bury him properly? Remember how his—” “I don’t mean bodies!” “Ah. Religion stuff, then?” “Yes!” “I never worry about that —ing stuff.” “Never?” “Never —ing give it a thought. I’ve got my potato.” Then Mr. Tulip found that he’d walked a few feet alone, because Mr. Pin had stopped dead. “Potato?” “Oh, yeah. Keep it on a string round my neck.” Mr. Tulip tapped his huge chest. “And that’s religious?” “Well, yeah. When you die, if you’ve got your potato, everything will be okay.” “What religion is that?” “Dunno. Never ran across it outside our village. I was only a kid. I mean, it’s like gods, right? When you’re a kid, they say ‘that’s God, that is.’ Then you grow up and you find there’s —ing millions of ’em. Same with religion.” “And it’s all okay if you have a potato when you die?” “Yep. You’re allowed to come back and have another life.” “Even if...” Mr. Pin swallowed, for he was in territory that had never before existed on his internal atlas, “... even if you’ve done things that people might think were bad?” “Like chopping up people and —ing shovin’ ’em off cliffs?” “Yeah, that kind of thing...” Mr. Tulip sniffed, causing his nose to flash. “We-ell, it’s okay so long as you’re really —ing sorry about it.” Mr. Pin was amazed, and a little suspicious. But he could feel things...catching up. There were faces in the darkness and voices on the cusp of hearing. He dared not turn his head now, in case he saw anything behind him. You could buy a sack of potatoes for a dollar. “It works?” he said. “Sure. Back home people’d been doing it for hundreds of —ing years. They wouldn’t do it if it didn’t —ing work, would they?” (pp. 271-272)"

"Sometimes glass glitters more than diamonds because it has more to prove. (p. 259)"

"You can tell as many lies as you like if it’s advertising. (p. 255)"

"So, Mr. Dibbler...when did you start pissing in the fountain of Truth? (p. 253)"

"Sacharissa looked a little disappointed. She’d been a respectable young woman for some time. In certain people, that means there’s a lot of dammed-up disreputability just waiting to burst out. (p. 251)"