"Mr. Turkentine: I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest. Pencils ready!"

"Computer Operator: Gentlemen, I know how anxious you've all been during these last few days, but now I think I can safely say that your time and money have been well-spent. We're about to witness the Greatest Miracle of the Machine Age. Based on the Revolutionary Computonian Law of Probability, this machine will tell us the precise location of the 3 remaining Golden Tickets. (pushes buttons on the machine; the machine prints a response) It says: "I won't tell! That would be cheating." (pushes the buttons on the machine again) I am now telling the computer that if it will tell me the correct answer, I will gladly share with it the grand prize. (the machine prints out another response) He says: "What would a computer do with a lifetime supply of chocolate?" (sighs, then pushes the buttons once again, angrily) I am now telling the computer EXACTLY what he can do with a lifetime supply of chocolate!!"

"Tinker: [quoting William Allingham's poem "The Fairies"] Up the airy mountain, and down the rushy glen/We dare not go hunting, for fear of little men. Nobody ever goes in. (pointing at Wonka's factory) And nobody ever comes out!"

"That's it!! THAT'S IT!! It's ALL over! The Wonka contest is all over! The fifth and final ticket has been found, and we've got a live report coming in directly, now, from Paraguay, South America!"

"Four down and one to go, and someplace out there, another lucky person is moving closer and closer to finding the last of the most sought-after prizes in history. Though we cannot help but envy him, whoever he is, and we might be tempted to be bitter in our losing, we must remember there are many more important things...many more important things. Offhand, I can't think of what they are, but I'm sure there must be something. And now for tomorrow's weather, and..."

"We begin with five Golden Tickets. Like five lucky bolts of lightning ready to strike without notice at any point on the map. No one knew where, no one knew when the first one would hit, but as you all know, last night we got our answer. While we in America slept, the first Golden Ticket was found in the small town of Duselheim, Germany. We've been waiting several hours for the follow-up story, and we're finally ready with a live report."

"And now, details on the sudden announcement that has captured the attention of entire world. Hidden among the countless billions of Wonka Bars are five gold tickets. And to the five people who find them will come the most fabulous prize one could wish for: a lifetime supply of chocolate. And as if this were not enough, each winner before he receives his prize will be personally escorted through the top secret chocolate factory by the mythical Willy Wonka himself. The amount of chocolate involved in this competition has relighted the imagination to incite candy eaters and all citizens around the world. Already, we have reports coming in that the response is phenomenal. Wonka Bars are beginning to disappear from candy store shelves at a rate to boggle the mind. Truly, it is incredible the way that Wonkamania has descended upon the globe. While the world searches, we watch and wait, wondering where the pursuit will lead, and how long the spirit of man will hold up under the strain."

"Oompa loompa doompadee dah. If you like reading, you will go far. You will live in happiness too, Like the Oompa Oompa loompa doompadee do!"

"[singing] Oompa loompa doompadee doo. I've got another puzzle for you. Oompa loompa doompadah dee. If you are wise, you'll listen to me. What do you get from a glut of TV? A pain in the neck and an IQ of three! Why doun't you try simply reading a book? Or can you just not bear to look? You'll get no... You'll get no... You'll get no... You'll get no... YOU'LL GET NO COMMERCIALS!"

"Oompa loompa doompadee dah. If you're not spoilt, then you will go far. You will live in happiness too, Like the oompa loompa doompadee do!"

"[singing] Oompa loompa doompadee doo. I've got another puzzle for you. Oompa loompa doompadee dee. If you are wise, you'll listen to me. Who do you blame when your kid is a brat, Pampered and spoilt like a Siamese cat? Blaming the kids is a lie and shame. You know exactly who's to blame! The mother and the father!"

"Oompa loompa doompadee dah. Given good manners, you will go far. You will live in happiness too, Like the oompa loompa doompadee do!"

"[singing] Oompa loompa doompadee doo. I've got another puzzle for you. Oompa loompa doompadah dee. If you are wise, you'll listen to me. Gum chewing's fine when it's once in a while. It stops you from smoking and brightens your smile. But it's repulsive, revolting wrong Chewing and chewing all day long... The way that a cow does!"

"Oompa loompa doompadee dah. If you're not greedy, you will go far. You will live in happiness too, Like the oompa loompa doompadee do! Doompadee doo!"

"[singing] Oompa loompa doompadee doo. I've got a perfect puzzle for you. Oompa loompa doompadee dee. If you are wise, you'll listen to me. What do you get when you guzzle down sweets? Eating as much as an elephant eats. What are you at getting terribly fat? What do you think will come of that? I don't like the look of it!"

"[in the tunnel] There's no earthly way of knowing which direction we are going. There's no knowing where we're rowing, or which way the river's flowing. Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a-blowing? BLAH! Not a speck of light is showing, so the danger must be growing. Are the fires of hell a-glowing? Is the grisly reaper mowing?! YES! The danger must be growing, for the rowers keep on rowing... And they're certainly not showing... ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!!!"

"If the good Lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller skates."

"[sings] A little nonsense now and then Is relished by the wisest men."

"[sings] There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination. Living there, you'll be free, if you truly wish to be."

"[sings] If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it; want to change the world... there's nothing to it."

"(Thinking about Leto's reaction after the sandworm attack) He's more concerned about the men than the spice. I must admit, against all judgement, I like this duke."

"A place beyond your dreams. A movie beyond your imagination."

"A world beyond your experience, beyond your imagination."

"Why prolong the inevitable? I will kill you! — I will kill him! I WILL KILL HIM!!!"

"Who is the little one, a pet perhaps? Will she deserve my special attentions?"

"Hmmm. Shai-hulud."

"My lord, I suspect so much. I think the Fremen are the allies we seek. They are strong, fierce. They do not give their loyalty easily or quickly. As you know, the Imperium has never been able to take a census of the Fremen. Everyone thinks that there are but few wandering here and there in the desert. My lord, I suspect an incredible secret has been kept on this planet, that the Fremen exist in vast numbers—vast—and it is they who control Arrakis."

"Put the pick in there, Pete, and turn it round real neat. ...You are so beautiful, my Baron. Your skin — love to me. Your diseases — lovingly cared for for all eternity!"

"I mean Paul Atreides. We want him killed. Blend his extinction into your recipe and you will come with a meal to our liking. I did not say this. I am not here."

"The Bene Gesserit witch must leave."