"It is the most shattering experience of a young man's life when one morning he awakes and quite reasonably says to himself, "I will never play the Dane.""

"My thumbs have gone weird! I'm in the middle of a bloody overdose! My heart's beating like a fucked clock! I feel dreadful, I feel really dreadful."

"Jesus Christ! Why have you drugged their onions?!"

"You're full of Scotch you silly tool."

"We are not drunks, we are multi-millionaires!"

"A coward you are, Withnail! An expert on bulls you are not!"

"Stop saying that, Withnail, of course he's the fucking farmer!"

"I'm not from London, you know."

"[Contemplating how to kill a chicken for supper] It's got dreadful beady eyes, they stare at you. Best kill it quick before it tries to make friends with us."

""I fuck arses"? Who fucks arses? Maybe he fucks arses! Maybe he's written this in some moment of drunken sincerity! I'm in considerable danger here, I must get out of here at once."

"(Voice-over) I could hardly piss straight with fear. Here was a man with 3/4 of an inch of brain who'd taken a dislike to me. What had I done to offend him? I don't consciously offend big men like this. And this one has a definite imbalance of hormone in him. Get any more masculine than him and you'd have to live up a tree."

"(Voice-over) Danny's here. Headhunter to his friends. Headhunter to everyone. He doesn't have any friends. The only people he converses with are his clients, and occasionally the police. The purveyor of rare herbs and proscribed chemicals is back. Will we never be set free?"

"(Voice-over) Speed is like a dozen transatlantic flights without ever getting off the plane. Time change. You lose, you gain. Makes no difference so long as you keep taking the pills. But sooner or later you've got to get out because it's crashing. Then all at once those frozen hours melt out through the nervous system and seep out the pores."

"(Voice-over) Thirteen million Londoners have to wake up to this. Murder and All-Bran and rape. And I'm sitting in this bloody shack and I can't cope with Withnail. I must go home at once and discuss his problems in depth."

"(Paraphrasing Hamlet) I have of late — but wherefore I know not — lost all my mirth... and indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory; this most excellent canopy, the air — look you, this brave o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire — why, it appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapors. What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculties! ...How like an angel, in apprehension how like a god! The beauty of the world. The paragon of animals. And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me. No, nor woman neither... nor woman neither."

"Right, you fucker, I'm going to do the washing up."

"Bastard asked me to understudy Konstantin in The Seagull. I'm not going to understudy anybody. Especially that pimp! Anyway, I loathe those Russian plays. Always full of women staring out of windows, whining about ducks going to Moscow."

"Don't threaten me with a dead fish!"

"Look at my tongue. It's wearing a yellow sock."

"I feel like a pig shat in my head."

"Look at this - accident blackspot? These aren't accidents, they're throwing themselves into the road! Throwing themselves into the road gladly to escape all this hideousness! (Heckles pedestrian) Throw yourself into the road, darling, you haven't got a chance!"

"Scrubbers! Scrubbers! Little tarts, they love it!"

"Free to those who can afford it, very expensive to those who can't."

"All right, this is the plan. We get in there and get wrecked, then we eat a pork pie, then we drop a couple of Surmontil-50s each. That means we'll miss out on Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning."

"(He spits out a globule of phlegm) Jesus, look at that. Apart from a raw potato, that's the only solid to have passed my lips in the last 60 hours. I must be ill."

"I'm in a park and I'm practically dead; what good's the countryside?"

"The only programme I'm likely to get on is the fucking news!"

"These are the sort of windows faces look in at!"

"There must and shall be aspirin, or I shall die, here, on this fucking mountainside!"

"Nonsense, this is a far superior drink to meths! The wankers on site don't drink it because they can't afford it!"

"Black puddings are no good to us. I want something's flesh!"

"I assure you I'm not [drunk], officer, honestly. I've only had a few ales."

"Monty, you terrible cunt!"

"(Ranting on a mountain) Bastards! You'll all suffer! I'll show the lot of you! I'm gonna be a sta-a-a-a-ar!"

"I'm not having this shag sack insulting me! Let him get his drugs out."

"Listen, we're bona fide, we're not from London."

"We want the finest wines available to humanity, we want them here and we want them now!"

"How can it be so cold in here? It's like Greenland in here. We've got to get some booze. It's the only solution to this intense cold. Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this. I'm a trained actor reduced to the status of a bum. I mean, look at us! Nothing that reasonable members of society demand as their rights! No fridges, no televisions, no phones! Much more of this and I'm going to apply for meals on wheels."

"I demand to have some booze!"

"I have some extremely distressing news. We've just run out of wine; what are we going to do about it?"

"I think we've been in here too long. I feel unusual."

"We've gone on holiday by mistake."

"As the movie explored 1980s themes, including genetic engineering and consumerism, it said more with production design than words, detailing a grim, overcrowded future where ornate architecture has been replaced by industrial overload. Harrison Ford, as Deckard, has an apartment so cramped and blocky, he appears to be living in a game of Tetris."

"Ben Astar - Abdul Ben Hassan"

"Hy Pyke - Taffey Lewis"

"John Edward Allen - Kaiser"

"Kevin Thompson - Bear"

"Morgan Paull - Holden"

"James Hong - Hannibal Chew"

"Joanna Cassidy - Zhora"