"[to Harvey, about Will Kane] You're a good looking boy, you have big broad shoulders, but he is a man. It takes more than big broad shoulders to make a man, Harvey, and you have a long way to go. You know something? I don't think you will ever make it."

"[about no one volunteering to be a deputy] It figures. It's all happened too sudden. People gotta talk themselves into law and order before they do anything about it. Maybe because down deep they don't care. They just don't care."

"[about being marshal] It's a great life. You risk your skin catchin' killers and the juries turn 'em loose so they can come back and shoot at ya again. If you're honest, you're poor your whole life, and in the end you wind up dyin' all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothin'. For a tin star."

"Ralph Reed as Johnny"

"Sheb Wooley - Ben Miller"

"Robert J. Wilke - Jim Pierce"

"Lee Van Cleef - Jack Colby"

"Ralph Sterner: [while having teeth drilled] Help me Betty! He's worse than the dentist in the Marathon Man!"

"Misty Sutphin: Chip! Our mother is Charles Manson!"

"Chip Sutphin: [in response to Misty telling the family about her new love interest] You sure can pick 'em."

"Eugene Sutphin: [during sex with Beverly] Oh honey, you are hot tonight!"

"[after bludgeoning Mrs. Jenson] Rewind!"

"Suzanne Sommers! This is my bad side!"

"Patricia Hearst - Juror #8"

"Officer, I'm sorry, but we don't allow gum in this house."

"Mink Stole - Dottie Hinkle"

"Patricia Dunnock - Birdie"

"Justin Whalin - Scotty Barnhill"

"Mary Jo Catlett - Rosemary Ackerman"

"Life doesn't have to be ugly. Look at the birds out there; listen to their call. [makes bird noises] Hwee, hwee, hwee, hwee."

"Matthew Lillard - Chip Sutphin"

"Ricki Lake - Misty Sutphin"

"Sam Waterston - Eugene Sutphin"

"Kathleen Turner - Beverly R. Sutphin"

"At least she meant well."

"She's a fabulous, loving, caring mother, who er... ...happens to be a serial killer!"

"Every Mom Wants to Be Wanted, But Not For Murder One!"

"Are those... pussy willows?"

"Mrs. Jenson: [having to pay $1 extra to Chip for not rewinding the film] Keep the change you son of a psycho!"

"Detective: Proceed with caution; she is armed. And fuckin' nuts!"

"Emma Lou Jenson: [talking to her dog] Come on, lick Mommy's feet. Get 'em all wet!"

"Police woman: Bingo boys, bust the bitch."

"Marvin Pickles: There was a lady in the men's room, I swear! A pretty little lady, in the stall right next to me!"

"[after murdering someone] I don't know what it is about today but I feel great!"

"[to Snowman's wife] I find it hard to look at you Waynette, especially when you've got those things in your hair. Makes me think you're listening to a radio station in Savannah."

"Mike Henry — Junior"

"Pat McCormick — Big Enos Burdette"

"Paul Williams (songwriter) — Little Enos Burdette"

"Sally Field — Carrie"

"Jerry Reed — Cledus "Snowman" Snow"

"Jackie Gleason — Sheriff Buford T. Justice"

"Burt Reynolds — Bo "the Bandit" Darville"

"Hold up on that carwash there, gentlemen. (to boys stripping Carrie's car)"

"Time to take to the road, for a quiet little drive in the country...or not."

"What we're dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law."

"Little Enos: [remarking to Big Enos about the Bandit's "legend" status] Well a legend and an out-of-work bum look a lot alike, Daddy!"

"Junior: [Chasing after his father, who is driving after the Bandit] Who's gonna hold your hat?!"

"[On the CB radio, about his dog] I'm gettin' worried about Fred here, he's lookin' a little thin in the skin!"

"[Writing out note for beer] Send... bill... to... Big... Enos... Burdette. (Trans-Am drives away) Burdette.. B... B-E-R... B-U-R... B... (Throws notepad aside) Hell, I got to go."

"You got the one Snowman! I'm eastbound and down!"