"Teach foreign how to be alive in England."

"An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one."

"Continental people have sex life; the English have hot-water bottles."

"In England everything is the other way round."

"On the Continent people have good food; in England, people have good table manners."

"Television is of great educational value. It teaches you while still young how to (a) kill, (b) rob, (c) embezzle, (d…"

"The trouble with tea is that originally it was quite a good drink. So a group of the most eminent British scientists …"

"When people say England, they sometimes mean Great Britain, sometimes the United Kingdom, sometimes the British Isles…"

"In England funktioniert alles umgekehrt."

"Wer Dankbarkeit fordert, verdient keine."