"[reading a poem] He was crippled / But only his body was cracked. / It's not simple / nor is it an easy matter to explain. / Let's just leave it at that she says / and closes the holy book of lies / she covers her eyes / Denying to herself what she thought happened.-Tracy Freeland."

"It works if you work it."

"Hey Mason! Move ya G-string down south!"

"Guys say hello to the butt!"

"This only costs $19.95!"

"D'you know our high school reunion's comin' up? Ten years... D'you know how depressing that is? D'you think I don't wanna slash my fucking wrists when I think about that? Goddamn it!"

"The story of a dummy and his man."

"Heidi Schoichet: [seeing Steven in his underwear, with his dummy dressed as a child] Steven? Gross! You look like a child molester."

"Steven Schoichet: I look both ways when I cross the street."

"[Being thrown out for throwing a tantrum in a mall.] Fucking suburbanized shit!"

"Steven, you drive like my fucking grandma! Wait... that's actually an insult because my grandma drives better than you do!"

"Jared Harris - Michael Foulicker"

"Ron Leibman - Lou Schoichet"

"Jessica Walter - Fern Schoichet"

"Vera Farmiga - Lorena Fanchetti"

"Illeana Douglas - Heidi Schoichet"

"Milla Jovovich - Fangoria "Fannie" Gurkel"

"Adrian Brody - Steven Schoichet"

"Some people can say a lot without moving their lips."

"A comedy about finding your voice before you lose your mind."

"Sometimes you need a little help finding yourself."

"Toni Basil - Terry Grouse"

"Irene Dailey - Samia Glavia"

"Ralph Waite - Carl Dupea"

"Susan Anspach - Catherine Van Oost"

"Lorna Thayer - Waitress"

"Helena Kallianiotes - Palm Apodaca"

"Lois Smith - Partita Dupea"

"Richard Stahl - Recording Engineer"

"Marlena MacGuire - Twinky"

"Sally Struthers - Betty"

"Fannie Flagg - Stoney"

"Billy Green Bush - Elton"

"Karen Black - Rayette Dipesto"

"Jack Nicholson - Robert 'Bobby' Eroica Dupea"

"Betty: When I was four, just four years old, I went to my mother and I said, "What's this hole in my chin?" - I saw this dimple in my chin in the mirror, and didn't know what it was. And my mother said - get what my mother says - she says, "When you're born, you go on a assembly line past God, and if He likes you, He says, [grabs her cheeks with both her hands] "You cute little thing!" and you get dimples there. And if He doesn't like you, He goes, [presses one finger on her chin] "Go away." So about six months later, my mother found me saying my prayers, and I was going, [holds one hand over her chin] "Now I lay me down to sleep..." My mother says, "What are you covering up your chin for?" And I said, "Because if I cover up the hole, maybe He'll listen to me.""

"Catherine Van Oost: You're a strange person, Robert. I mean, what will you come to? If a person has no love for himself, no respect for himself, no love of his friends, family, work, something - how can he ask for love in return? I mean, why should he ask for it?"

"Palm Apodaca: People. Animals are not like that. They're always cleaning themselves. Did you ever see, umm... pigeons? Well, he's always picking on himself and his friends. They're always picking bugs out of their hair all the time. Monkeys too. Except they do something out in the open that I don't go for."

"There isn't anybody gonna look after you AND love you, as good as I do."

"[to Bobby] I'll go out with you, or I'll stay in with you, or I'll do anything that you like for me to do, if you tell me that you love me."

"[out of his car during a traffic jam, yelling at other motorists] Ants! Why don't we all line up like a goddamned bunch of ants! Its the most beautiful part of the day!"

"[to his father] I don't know if you'd be particularly interested in hearing anything about me. My life, most of it doesn't add up to much that I could relate as a way of life that you'd approve of. I move around a lot, not because I'm looking for anything really, but because I'm getting away from the things that get bad if I stay. Auspicious beginnings. You know what I mean? I'm trying to imagine your half of this conversation. My feeling is, I don't know, if you could talk we wouldn't be talking. That's pretty much the way that it got to be before I left. Are you all right? I don't know what to say. Tita suggested that we try to, I don't know— [sobs] I think that she feels that we've got some understanding to reach. She totally denies the fact that we were never that comfortable with each other to begin with. The best that I can do is apologize. We both know that I was never really that good at it anyway. I'm sorry it didn't work out."

"If you wouldn't open your mouth, everything would be just fine."

"Dr. Toad — Todd the Bartender"

"Martin Mull — Justin Gregory"