"Want to hear a poem I wrote? "I love you, you love me. Going down the sugar tree. We'll go down the sugar tree, and see lots of bees. Playing. Playing. But the bees won't sting, because you love me." That's it."

"What can you expect when you're on top? You know? It's like Napoleon. When he was the king, you know, people were just constantly trying to conquer him, you know, in the Roman Empire. So, it's history repeating itself all over again."

"You're not the boss of me, Jack. You're not the king of Dirk. I'm the boss of me. I'm the king of me. I'm Dirk Diggler. I'm the star. It's my big dick and I say when we roll. You know what? I'm the biggest star here, man. That's the way it is! I want to fuck! It's my big dick! So, everybody get ready fuckin' NOW!"

"[practicing his lines in a mirror] "I've been around this block twice now looking for something - a clue. Been looking for clues and something led me back here, yeah, so here I am. Could've been me who was at Ringo's place when the shit went down. Hey, I know how it is, I've been there. We've all done bad things. We've all had those guilty feelings in our hearts. You wanna take your brain out of your head and wash it and scrub it and make it clean. Well, no, but I'm gonna help you settle this. First we're gonna check for holes and see what we can find. Then, we're gonna get nice and wet, so you're gonna spread your legs. Oh, that's good, so you know me, you know my reputation. Thirteen inches is a tough load, I don't treat you gently. That's right. I'm Brock Landers. So I'm gonna be nice, and I'm gonna ask you one more time: where the fuck is Ringo?" I'm a star. I'm a star, I'm a star, I'm a star. I am a big, bright shining star. Yeah, that's right."

"[to his mother] You don't know what I can do! You don't know what I can do, what I'm gonna do, or what I'm gonna be! You don't know I'm good! I have good things that you don't know about! I'm gonna be something! I am! And don't fucking tell me I'm not!"

"Don Cheadle - Buck Swope"

"[to Dirk] I got a feeling that behind those jeans is something wonderful just waiting to get out."

"John C. Reilly - Reed Rothchild"

"William H. Macy - Critic (as W. H. Macy)"

"George Wendt - Student"

"Christopher Plummer - William Fawcett Robinson"

"Teresa Wright - Laura Roberts"

"Bill Erwin - Arthur Biehl"

"Jane Seymour - Elise McKenna"

"Beyond fantasy. Beyond obsession. Beyond time itself... he will find her."

"Someday in the past, he will find her..."

"Susan French - Older Elise"

"Christopher Reeve - Richard Collier"

"[To Richard] Do you actually believe that I have nurtured her, cared for her, molded, taught, developed her for all these years merely to groom a wife?! A star. Only someone with the limit awareness of your age could possibly conceive that my entire passion for this woman is no more than physical! Are you incapable of understanding that she has it within herself to be one of the greatest, if not the greatest actress of her generation?"

"Laura Roberts: [seeing Elise return home] How is the play? Did you enjoy it? Are you all right?"

"George Voskovec - Dr. Gerard Finney"

"Arthur Biehl: [seeing Richard dying] Such a fine man. What a shame. I wonder what happened to him."

"He sacrificed life in the present... to find love in the past."

"[To Finney] I have a question for you, sir. Is time travel possible?"

"[Reading about Elise] One of the most revered actresses of the American stage, for many years, she was the theater's greatest box-office draw. Under the guidance of her manager William Fawcett Robinson, Elise McKenna was the first American actress to create a mystique in the public's eye. Never seen in public in her later years. Apparently without an offstage life, the absolute quintessence of seclusion."

"[Cryptically to Richard, as an old woman on the night of her death, prompting him to wonder who she was, and to eventually discover a photograph of her as a young woman.] Come back to me."

"The man of my dreams has almost faded now. The one I have created in my mind. The sort of man each woman dreams of, in the deepest and most secret reaches of her heart. I can almost see him now before me. What would I say to him if he were really here? "Forgive me. I have never known this feeling. I have lived without it all my life. Is it any wonder, then, I failed to recognize you? You, who brought it to me for the first time. Is there any way I can tell you how my life have changed? Any way at all to let you know what sweetness you have given me? There is so much to say... I cannot find the words. Except for these: I love you." Such would I say to him if he were really here."

"[To Richard as he walks up to her by the lake] Is it you?"

"[To Elise] Now, tomorrow night's performance. Remember, stay ahead of them. Keep the mystery, always mystery. Excess within control."

"Jennifer Vasquez — Camacho's Groupie (uncredited)"

"Scarface — Upgrayedd"

"Andrew Wilson — Beef Supreme"

"Mike McCafferty - Officer Collins"

"Thomas Haden Church — Brawndo CEO"

"Justin Long — Dr. Lexus"

"Brendan Hill — Secretary of Energy"

"David Herman — Secretary of State"

"Sara Rue — Attorney General"

"Terry Crews — President Camacho"