"You don't fuck with Bob! You show Bob respect. Bob's my special guy. That's right! That's right. That just happened. You don't tell your parents about this. You don't tell your friends about this. You write it in your dream journal. You lock it up and put it under your pillow. I will come back here and I will kill each and every one of you! Except for those two hot girls I was talking to. They have my information, please have them get in contact with me. They seam great."

"Vince Vaughn - Bob McAllister"

"[revealing his gun collection] Welcome to candyshop, motherfuckers!"

"Lock and load, bitches! Anything from outer space, kill it!"

"Fuckin' alien came on my face."

"Here's the best case scenario: he's a lonely old man, he wants to waltz, he wants to listen to some of the old songs from his childhood. Worst case scenario: you're getting fucked in the ass."

"Singing was their hobby. Closing ass was their job."

"You've been planning an alien invasion... in my Costco?"

"[about his massage chair] That is the best 2300 bucks I ever spent. I got it at a place called relaxtheback.com. It's like Toys-R-Us for your ass and back."

"Pigs have uniforms, I think we should have uniforms too. Gotta match those fuckers on every level."

"Jonah Hill - Franklin Fawcett"

"Robin Baber as Ursula"

"Trevor Dalton as Norm"

"John Neville as Mr. Andrews"

"Eddie Bracken as Old Soldier"

"Matthew Glave as Bennington Cotwell"

"Cynthia Nixon as Gilbertine"

"Dawn Maxey as Teenage Employee (Mother Goose Corner)"

"Fred Dalton Thompson as Dale Grissom"

"Joe Mantegna as Eddie"

"Brian Haley as Veeko"

"Adam Robert Worton and Jacob Joseph Worton as Baby Bink"

"Joe Pantoliano as Norby"

"Verne Troyer as Baby Bink's stunt double"

"Lara Flynn Boyle as Laraine Cotwell"

"Anna Thomson as Mrs. McCray"

"Kevin Bacon — Jacques"