"[last lines; raging against God, who is laughing in triumph] All right, you great git, you've asked for it. I'll cover the world in Tastee-Freez and Wimpy Burgers. I'll fill it with concrete runways, motorways, aircraft, television, automobiles, advertising, plastic flowers, frozen food and supersonic bangs. I'll make it so noisy and disgusting that even you'll be ashamed of yourself. No wonder you've so few friends; you're unbelievable."

"[to Saint Peter] Tell God not to go away. I'll be back in a minute. [runs after Stanley]"

"I've done a good deed. I gave that little twit his soul back. Wasn't that generous?"

"He's OMNIPRESENT. I'm just highly maneuverable."

"Just putting a tiny little ventilation hole in this oil tanker."

"Don't ever believe anything I've said; believe me."

"Everything I've ever told you has been a lie, including that."

"[spoken as a musical performer Drimble Wedge] You fill me with inertia."

"[to Lust] Pick your clothes up. You're due down at the Foreign Office."

"I lost Mussolini that way, all that work, then right at the end with the rope around his neck, he says, 'Scusi. Mille regretti,' and up he goes!""

"In the words of Marcel Proust; and this applies to any woman in the world. if you can stay up and listen with a fair degree of attention to whatever garbage, no matter how stupid it is, that they're coming out with, till ten minutes past four in the morning, you're in!"

"[During a conversation about politics, a character with a severe speech impediment struggles to express a thought. He replies dismissively...] Well, that's easy for you to say."

"[to the pigeon, who is about to fly over a gentleman] Release your doo-dahs."

"And the magic word: Julie Andrews!"

"[while bargaining for Stanley's soul] What would you like to be? Prime Minister? Oh, no, wait, I've already signed that deal."

"It's the standard contract. Gives you seven wishes in accordance with the mystic rules of life. Seven Days of the Week, Seven Deadly Sins, Seven Seas, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers"

"There was a time when I used to get lots of ideas; I thought up the Seven Deadly Sins in one afternoon. The only thing I've come up with recently is advertising."

"The garden of Eden was a boggy swamp just south of Croydon. You can see it over there."

"What terrible sins I have working for me. I suppose it's the wages."

"You realize that suicide's a criminal offence. In less enlightened times, they'd have hung you for it."

"Suicide, really - that's the last thing you should try."

"[walking in on Stanley Moon's failed attempt scuicide] Do hope this isn't an awkward moment."

"James Earl Jones as The Narrator/Himself (uncredited)"

"Rob Schneider as Prince Habeeboo (uncredited)"

"Elliot Cho as Ping Woo"

"Michelle Lombardo as Linda"

"Emilio Cast as Michael at 10 years old"