"[after Johnny Knoxville wrecks the lattice with the jet-ski] Shit! Dude, I know we shouldn't have done this at my fucking dad's house. He's already mad I'm fucking skipping school, he's gonna cut me off! That's coming out of my allowance."

"Johnny would give an arm and a leg to date Missy. Well, maybe just an arm."

"Renée Zellweger (scene cut)"

"Matthew McConaughey - Guy #2"

"Paxton Whitehead - Judge in heaven"

"Cloris Leachman - Maggie the zombie expert"

"Austin Pendleton - Dr. Bronson"

"Paul Dooley - Big Chuck"

"Philip Hoffman - Chuck Bronski"

"Matthew Fox - Buck Van Patten"

"Libby Villari - Camille McCloud"

"Jay O. Sanders - Sheriff McCloud"

"Mary Beth Hurt - Mrs. Dingle"

"Edward Hermann - Mr. Dingle"

"Danny Zorn - Eddie"

"Traci Lind - Missy McCloud"

"Andrew Lowery - Johnny Dingle"

"A comedy that proves true love never dies."

"Hell is a teenage girl."

"Bill Fagerbakke - Jonas' Dad"

"Lance Henriksen - driver"

"Josh Emerson - Jonas Kozelle"

"Aman Johal - Ahmet from India"

"Valerie Tian as Chasity"

"Juno Ruddell - Officer Warzak"

"Juan Riedinger - Dirk"

"Carrie Genzel - Mrs. Check"

"Chris Pratt - Officer Roman Duda"

"Cynthia Stevenson - Mrs. Dove"

"Kyle Gallner - Colin Gray"

"Adam Brody - Nikolai"

"Amy Sedaris - Toni Lesnicki"

"J. K. Simmons - Mr. Wroblewski"

"Johnny Simmons - Chip Dove"

"Amanda Seyfried - Anita "Needy" Lesnicki"

"Megan Fox - Jennifer Check"

"Jennifer's Body is my favourite movie that I've done. It was overlooked in theatres, but it does have a DVD following. I can't believe nobody wanted to see Megan Fox and me hitting it. They had an extreme close-up of our tongues, and I'm telling you, the thing about the scene is that it's actually really sexy. For a young girl to say that about her own sex scene - it must be because it's special. I think Megan and I kissed really well together. We have similar kissing styles and it worked. We got it done for the masses, and the masses still didn't show up."

"She's evil... and not just high school evil."

"Jonas' Dad: YOU HEAR ME, YOU BASTARD?! I'LL CUT OFF YOUR NUTSACK AND NAIL IT TO MY DOOR!!! LIKE ONE OF THOSE LION DOOR KNOCKERS RICH FOLKS GOT! THAT WILL BE YOUR BALLS!"

"Needy's Mom: [to Needy] I dreamed some bad people were trying to nail you to a tree with hammers and big stakes and shit. Just like J.C. But I didn't let 'em get to you, 'cause I'm a hard-sassed, Ford-tough mama bear."

"Chastity: It's true. It's on the Wikipedia."

"Chip Dove: Needy, I care about you. As a person, not just some girl I made love to for four minutes the other night, and I'm scared of what's happening to you."

"Do you know how hard it is to make it as an indie band these days? There are so many of us, and we're all so cute and it's like if you don't get on Letterman or some retarded soundtrack, you're screwed, okay? Satan is our only hope. We're in league with the Beast now. And we've got to make a really big impression on him. And to do that, we're going to have to butcher you. And bleed you. And then Dirk here is going to wear your face. [Dirk gives him a look] Relax, I'm kidding about the face thing. The rest is going to happen."

"[Grabs Needy's breasts] These are like smart bombs, you point them in the right direction and shoot gets real."

"I don't even know who Needy Lesnicky is anymore. I'm a different person now. A person who uses curse words and kicks orderlies and sees things that aren't there. A very bad, very damaged person... [lifts her top sleeve, revealing Jennifer's bite mark imprinted on her shoulder] But sometimes change can be good! For instance, most occult scholars don't know this, but if you're bitten by a demon, and you live, you just might absorb some of the demon's abilities... You might get lucky for once in your miserable life! [she floats up, kicks out the window and escapes]"

"Phillip Nicoll - John"

"B.D. Wong - Marriage Counselor Dr. Wong"

"J.K. Simmons - Siskel"

"Robert Ridgely - Bob Burley"