"I saw a cockroach playing Pacman. It was on the internet, right, and somebody had linked up a cockroach to err... to some... I can't even be bothered explaining it, but that's what I'm saying - everything is moving on"

"In the sea you've got to be constantly sort of alert. It's worse in the sea [than anywhere else in the animal kingdom]. In the sea you've got an enemy behind every rock."

"I was still using my eyes even though I had them shut"

"Turns out it was another load of monkeys from another part of the island...from the rough bit..."

"On seals - Its between a fish and a dog."

"Talking about being in heaven- It's not fair though because all them lot have been up there ages with like a chance to get a bit of sun on the body and that so they'll look alright. I'll be wandering about with underpant marks and stuff."

"On chameleons - Stay green. Stay in the woods. Stay safe."

"Don't be chucking that out. You might need that later - Karl interprets the phrase Waste not, want not."

"What do dogs do? Sniff each other's arse. They don't knock about going "Let's try a chatup line.""

"The world is getting more and more scruffier, innit?"

"Flies used to be happy-go-lucky, on their own; the sun’s out, have a fly about. Now, there’s little attacks going on."

"You won't get anything done by planning."

"Any problem solved is a new problem made."

"It’s just hassle of having friends and family an’ that."

"Walking down the street in London with Suzanne, saw a little homeless.. well I didn't see the homeless bloke right, I saw a leg stickin out of a doorway, thought 'here we go', right. Walked past it, right, you're not gonna believe this. Homeless.... Chinese fella. I've never seen one of them."

"What's that plate that's above a saucer but below a plate?"

"I think some bacteria have better lives than that [Karls interpretation on the life of an innuit]"

"Yeah but everyone was a saint years ago, that seemed to be thrown about back then. Who's a saint now, in this year, who's a saint? And yet this guy, lived in a hut in the woods, 'oh yeah that's Saint John or whatever.' He wasn't a saint, he did nothin [Karl arguing with Steve and Ricky about Russian artifacts containing a portrait of a Russian Saint]"

"I've met a few little people in my time. I met a little fella once and he was alright. He got drunk really quick, err, but he was alright. But it took me by surprise -like I've said about when I met Steve for the first time, it's only that same thing, then if we lived together I'm sure we'd get on a storm"

"That impresses me more, inventin' electricity[Talking about Benjamin Franklin]"

"The best thing you can do is look after yourself. Get on with it."

"Whoop, there's an elephant in the room"

"You don't have to do it straight away, but just do it before it gets really bad - Karl re-evaluates the phrase A stitch in time saves nine."

"They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time?"

"You can be an ugly baby and everyone goes awww innit nice? There was some women in a cafe the other week that I was sat in, and she came up and she sat down with her mate and she was talkin' loudly goin' on about oh the baby's lovely. They said it's got, er, lovely big eyes, er, really big hands and feet. Now that doesn't sound like a nice baby to me. I felt like sayin' it sounds like a frog. But I thought I dont know her, there's only so much you can say to a stranger. I dont know what kept me from sayin' it."

"Could the world fall?"

"Language is a powerful thing init...er..."

"Just been into the zoo, 'avin a look round an that. Went into the, er, into the aquarium. Mental, the amount of fish that are knockin' about"

"On homosexuals- They're more up for a bit more experimentation an' that -Podcast Series 1 Episode 2"

"I look at life like a big book and sometimes you get half way through it and go 'Even though I've been enjoying it, I've had enough. Give us another book'"

"(After chatting about the Serbian sex machine invention and Karl said 'Did it have to be a woman or could they have got a gay fella in - butt plugs and that').."

"I'm just sayin', I don't like fun"

"On the possibility of meeting Warwick Davis- The first time I see him, I'd be a little like, what should I say, what shouldn't I say? Whereas once you get to know him I'm sure he'd be a lovely little fella."

"On cutting open avocados- It's a food that ain't worth injuring yourself for. If it's a hassle to get into, leave it to the experts."

"The only reason you don't go on holiday, is 'cause you have to spend money."

"Karl's Diary - Read about a pub which is gettin' some stick 'cause its stopped a horse goin' in. Its been the horse' regular for ages, but some new owners have taken over the pub and they said they're servin' fresh food and don't want a horse in there anymore"

"If he's 27 today, he would have been 26 last week, and he doesn't look 26. He didn't look 26 last week, and he looks older than 28 today."

"My auntie Nora right, all her food is mashed. She's got teeth but she don't need 'em [Karl on how his auntie blends her food and never uses her teeth]"

"Were you a tall baby?"

"It would be impossible, I'd just chuck meself into the salt pot or something. I'd hate that, that would be horrible that [Karl answering Ricky's question of how he would get Suzanne's attention in the Kitchen if he were a slug]"

"I could eat a knob at night."

"The Web is the new book though, innit?"

"We've invented most of the stuff that we need and now we're just messing about"

"But hummus. When did that happen?...but there's a restaurant down the road that that's all they do. That is isn't a proper meal, that's a side-order innit? That's like having a restaurant just floggin' tomato ketchup. Hummus isn't a meal. They don't even try and kid ya to get you in to flog you just hummus, they actually say Oh it's hummus today. Not gonna work, they shut down within a month."

"Hypothetical: Shipwrecked and eating a penis- ...I'll look for something else. We're surrounded by water. Why are we eating knob?"