"[After he runs through an obstacle course full of tasers and cattle prods] I change my mind. Stun guns are now the number one most thing that I hate now. Bulls are second, snakes are third. That sucked!"

"[Dressed as a mild-mannered, senior-citizen, with professional face make-up, accompanied by an elderly lady, and a willing, attractive, younger looking adult female in support] Hello, I'm Irving Zistman, this is my wife, and grandaughter, and today, I'm a really bad grandpa!"

"[As Bam pees in front of a jet engine blowing in his face] That's the story of Jackass, right there. Just pissing in the wind!"

"[after Wee-Man is hit in the groin by a random apple thrown at him by Jeff Tremaine] See, I told you it's not that hard to get into film!"

"[Steve-O just puked after biting an apple that was in Preston's buttocks] You don't like apple and peanut butter?"

"Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass!"

"[seeing a bull stomping its feet] Oh, I hate it when they do that."

"[dressed as Santa Claus] Santa did have a few drinks last night, so this ain't going to feel too good."

"Loomis Fall as self"

"The Dudesons as self"

"[Finding his father's design for a new element hidden within the Stark Expo model] Dead for almost 20 years, you're still taking me to school..."

"Dimitry Elyashkevich as self"

"Lance Bangs as self"

"Rick Kosick as self"

"Spike Jonze as self"

"Jeff Tremaine as self"

"Rip Taylor as self"

"Will Oldham as self"

"Mike Judge (as Beavis and Butt-head)"

"Rake Yohn as self"

"Sean William Scott as self"

"Eric Koston as self"

"Tony Hawk as self"

"Mat Hoffman as self"

"Josh Brown as self"

"Jared Allen as self"

"Phil Margera as self"

"April Margera as self"

"(Talking to his wife Gail and daughter Marni about their behavior that ruined the wedding reception) I'm very disappointed with the behavior I saw tonight. Now, I don't pretend to have the slightest clue about how things work in the girl world. To be perfectly honest, it frightens and confuses me. But here's what I do know: A wedding is a time for a family to come together. But, for whatever reason, this wedding is tearing our family apart. Will is missing! Ramona's out searching the streets for Joanna. This weekend is a disaster! And I, for one, have had it. You two are completely out of control. (Gail and Marni attempt to protest, but are cut off) But nothing! You're grounded. Go to your rooms."

"Crazy wedding organizer."

"Vanessa Ferlito - Audrey"

"Sylvia Miles - Realtor"

"Austin Pendleton - Dr. Masters"

"Frank Langella - Louis Zabel"

"Susan Sarandon - Jake's Mother"

"Eli Wallach - Julius Steinhardt"

"Carey Mulligan - Winnie Gekko"

"Josh Brolin - Bretton James"

"Shia LaBeouf - Jacob "Jake" Moore"

"Michael Douglas - Gordon Gekko"

"If it weren't for people who took risks, where would we be in this world?"

"I tell you, the government's worse than a wife. They got all the power, they got half the money. Now they're working on getting the other half."

"Stop telling lies about me and I'll stop telling the truth about you."

"Idealism kills every deal."

"Payback. Except I'm not in that business anymore - because the one thing I learned in jail is that money is not the prime asset in life. Time is."

"It's not about the money - it's about the game."

"They took my life - and when I got out - who's waiting for me? Nobody!"

"Hey, hey, stay positive, pal. Most people, they lose,they whine and quit. But you got to be there for the turns. Everybody's got good luck, everybody's got bad luck. Don't run when you lose. Don't whine when it hurts. It's like the first grade, Jerry. Nobody likes a crybaby."