Action comedy films

"Like I told my last wife, I says, "Honey, I never drive faster than I can see." Besides that, it's all in the reflexes."

"Just listen to the ol' "Porkchop Express" and take his advice on a dark and stormy night, alright? When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye, and asks you if you paid your dues; you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have you paid your dues, Jack?" "Yes, sir, the check is in the mail.""

"I'm not saying I've been everywhere, and I've done everything. But I do know this is a pretty amazing planet we live on here. And a man would have to be some kind of fool to think we're all alone in this universe."

"Which Lo Pan? Little ol’ basketcase on wheels, or the ten-foot-tall roadblock?!"

"Would you stop rubbing your body up against mine? Because I can’t concentrate when you do that..."

"What does that mean? huh? ‘China is here?’ I don’t even know what the hell that means! All I know is this Lo Pan character comes out of thin air in the middle of a goddamned alley, while his buddies are flying around on wires, cutting everybody to shreds...and he just stands there, waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him?! With LIGHT coming out of his mouth?!"

"Look, I'm going to tell you about an accident and I don't wanna hear "act of God," okay?"

"Sit tight, hold the fort, keep the home fires burning. And if we're not back by dawn...call the president."

"Everybody relax, I'm here."

"Ol' Jack always says...what the hell?"

"Just remember what ol' Jack Burton does when the earthquakes and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big ol' storm right in the eye and says "Give me your best shot. I can take it.""

"Mr. Burton, if you have an influence over your youthful friend, you'd better exert it now! Otherwise, I will have both of you rowed off to the hell where people are skinned alive! It's that simple, understand?!"

"This place is my tomb. I'm buried here. A young man, a king, a warrior, is entombed in this old man's crippled body. And all I need is a woman, Mr. Burton — a special kind of woman with dragon-green eyes — to make me whole and young again, so that I may rule the universe from beyond this grave!"

"There are always others, are there not? You seem to be one who knows the difficulties between men and women, how seldom it works out. And yet we all keep trying, like fools!"

"Who are these people? Friends of yours, huh?! Now this really pisses me off to no end!"

"Oh, Miao Yin. I need you Miao Yin — you whose eyes flash like emerald lightning. Ching Dai! Make me flesh again soon."

"Some people pick the darnedest places to start a fight!"

"Adventure doesn't come any bigger!"

"Try to find big reason before you visit world of magic..."

"Jack Burton's in for some serious trouble, and you're in for some serious fun."

"A Mystical, Action, Adventure, Comedy, Kung Fu, Monster, Ghost Story!"

"[from trailer] They told him to go to Hell - and that's just where he's going!"

"[from trailer] Jack Burton's coming to rescue your summer!"

"Kurt Russell - Jack Burton"

"Kim Cattrall - Gracie Law"

"Dennis Dun - Wang Chi"

"Suzee Pai - Miao Yin"

"James Hong - David Lo Pan"

"Victor Wong - Egg Shen"

"Kate Burton - Margo"

"Donald Li - Eddie Lee"

"Carter Wong - Thunder"

"Frank Welker - voice of The Wild Man, and The Eye"

"Jesse Duke has been to two places in his life: Hazzard County and Korea. As far as he's concerned, that's one place too many."

"When you're flying by the seat of your pants, nothing sounds better than a Plan B."

"The only way I'm leavin' the ranch is in a wooden box!"

"Guy come out of an antique shop carrying a big grandfather's clock. Bumped into this drunk, broke the clock."

"An apple a day will keep the doctor away, darling."

"(To Cooter) "Boy, you couldn't fix an election if your brother was the governor!""

"I think something bounced up into my undercarriage."

"Enos, where's Boss Hogg and Roscoe?" (Enos- At your farm) "Thank you Enos. That might be a new record."

"(To Daisy about his car) "She's faster than a cheetah on cocaine.""

"Johnny Knoxville as Luke Duke"

"Seann William Scott as Bo Duke"

"Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke"

"Burt Reynolds as Boss Hogg"

"Willie Nelson as Uncle Jesse Duke"

"David Koechner as Cooter Davenport"

"M.C. Gainey as Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane"

"Michael Weston as Deputy Enos Strate"

"Lynda Carter as Pauline"

"James Roday as Billy Prickett"

"Kevin Heffernan as Derek "Sheev" Sheevington"

"Nikki Griffin as Katie-Lynn Johnson"

"Jacqui Maxwell as Annette"

"Alice Greczyn as Laurie Pullman"

"Junior Brown as The Balladeer (narrator)"

"Joe Don Baker as Governor Jim Applewhite"

"Barry Corbin as Bill Pullman"

"My lords, my ladies, and everybody else here not sitting on a cushion! [crowd roars] Today... today, you find yourselves equals! [crowd roars] For you are all equally blessed! For I have the pride, the privilege, nay, the pleasure of introducing to you to a knight, sired by knights. A knight who can trace his lineage back beyond Charlemagne. I first met him atop a mountain near Jerusalem, praying to God, asking his forgiveness for the Saracen blood spilt by his sword! Next, he amazed me still further in Italy, when he saved a fatherless beauty from the would-be ravishings of her dreadful Turkish uncle! [crowd boos] In Greece, he spent a year in silence, just to better understand the sound... of a whisper. And so, without further gilding the lily and with no more ado, I give to you the seeker of serenity, the protector of Italian virginity, the enforcer of our Lord God, the one, the only, Sir UUUUUlrich von Lichtenstein! [crowd roars] Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week!"

"I will eviscerate you in fiction. Every pimple, every character flaw. I was naked for a day; you will be naked for eternity."

"Good people! I missed my introduction! [crowd cheers] But please... please, I pray you, hear it now! For I would lay rest the grace in my tongue and speak plainly. Days like these are far too rare to cheapen with heavy-handed words. And so, I'm afraid without any ado whatsoever — [passes in front of Prince Edward] excuse me, My Lord — here he is! One of your own! Born a stone's throw from this very stadium, and here before you now! The son of John Thatcher... Sir Wiiiiiilliam Thatcheeer!"

"You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting. In what world could you possibly beat me?"

"He Will Rock You."

"He didn't make the rules. He was born to break them."

"From peasant to knight; one man can change his stars."

"Heath Ledger - William Thatcher/Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstein of Gelderland"

"Rufus Sewell - Count Adhemar of Anjou"

"Shannyn Sossamon - Lady Jocelyn"

"Paul Bettany - Geoffrey Chaucer"

"Laura Fraser - Kate the Farrier"

"Mark Addy - Rolan"

"Alan Tudyk - Wat Falhurst"

"Bérénice Bejo - Christiana"

"James Purefoy - Sir Thomas Colville (Edward the Black Prince)"

"Christopher Cazenove - John Thatcher, William's father"

"Steven O'Donnell - Simon"

"Scott Handy - Germaine"

"Nick Brimble - Sir Ector"

"Roger Ashton-Griffiths - Old Bishop"

"David Schneider - Relic Seller"

"Alice Connor - Lone Girl"

"Berwick Kaler - Man in Stocks"

"Jonathan Slinger - Peter the Pardoner"

"Get Ready For A Second Rush!"

"The Mouth Of The West And The Hands Of The East Are Back!"

"Jackie Chan as Chief Inspector Lee"

"Chris Tucker as Detective James Carter"

"John Lone as Ricky Tan"

"Zhang Ziyi as Hu Li"

"Roselyn Sanchez as Isabella Molina"

"Harris Yulin as Agent Sterling"

"Alan King as Steven Reign"

"Kenneth Tsang as Captain Chin"

"Killer, huh? I just got so excited. When it's big like that I just love to ride it hard and rough."

"Cameron Diaz — Natalie Cook"

"Drew Barrymore — Dylan Sanders"

"Lucy Liu — Alex Munday"

"Demi Moore — Madison Lee"

"John Forsythe — Charlie"

"Bernie Mac — Jimmy Bosley"

"Crispin Glover — The Thin Man"

"Justin Theroux — Seamus O'Grady"

"Robert Patrick — Ray Carter"

"Matt LeBlanc — Jason"

"Luke Wilson — Pete"

"John Cleese — Mr. Munday"

"Jaclyn Smith - Kelly Garrett"

"This summer the Angels are back."

"You have two emotions, silence and rage."

"Jack, nothing personal, but fuck off."

"[after Mosely takes his cigarettes for the second time] Why don't you quit? It'd be cheaper for both of us."

"Is this moron #1? Put moron #2 on the phone."

"Don't say a word to me, Sidney, don't say a fucking word to me. I'll get up and I'll bury this telephone in your head."

"Sidney, siddown, relax, have a sandwich, drink a glass of milk, do some fuckin' thing."

"So I'm finally in the presence of greatness, huh? The Duke. The guy that steals money from the scum of the earth and gives it to the unfortunates of the world. I wanted to meet you face-to-face. Did you actually think you were gonna steal my money and get away with it? I stopped by here to tell you two things. Number one is that you're gonna die tonight. Number two, I'm gonna go home, have a nice hot meal, I'm gonna find your wife, and I'm gonna kill her too."

"Let me tell you two stupid motherfuckers something. I don't want to get another phone call like this because if I do I'm gonna get on a fucking plane and I'm going to blowtorch the both of you. You understand?"

"A tough bounty hunter. A sensitive criminal."

"Robert De Niro has to get the FBI off his case, the mob off his trail, and Charles Grodin off his back!"

"This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

"Taking The Midnight Run Is A Hell Of A Way To Make A Living"

"Monday... Escape with their lives from New York... Tuesday... Impersonate F.B.I. agents in Chicago... Wednesday... Steal plane in New Mexico... Thursday... Almost kill each other by accident... Friday... Almost kill each other on purpose..."

"Charles Grodin embezzled 15 million dollars. The mob wants him dead. The F.B.I. wants him alive. Robert De Niro just wants him to shut up."

"Robert De Niro - Jack Walsh"

"Charles Grodin - Jonathan "The Duke" Mardukas"

"Yaphet Kotto - Special Agent Alonzo Mosely"

"John Ashton - Marvin Dorfler"

"Dennis Farina - Jimmy Serrano"

"Joe Pantoliano - Eddie Moscone"

"Richard Foronjy - Tony"

"Robert Miranda - Joey"

"Jack Kehoe - Jerry Geisler"

"Wendy Phillips - Gail"

"Danielle DuClos - Denise Walsh"

"Philip Baker Hall - Sidney"

"Tom McCleister - Bill "Red" Wood"

"I guess that's what happens in the end, you start thinking about the beginning."

"We have an unusual problem here, Jane. You obviously want me dead, and I'm less and less concerned for your well-being."

"Option A: You talk, we listen, no pain. Option B: You don't talk, I remove your thumbs with my pliers, it will hurt. Option C: I like to vary the details a bit but the punch line is you die."

"Jane Smith: Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet."

"Eddie: I live with my mom because I choose to. She's the only woman I've ever trusted."

"Brad Pitt - John Smith"

"Angelina Jolie - Jane Smith"

"Vince Vaughn - Eddie"

"Kerry Washington - Jasmine"

"Adam Brody - Benjamin "The Tank" Danz"

"Keith David - Father"

"Chris Weitz - Martin Coleman"

"Rachael Huntley - Suzy Coleman"

"Michelle Monaghan - Gwen"

"Benton Jennings - Maitre'D"

"Stephanie March - Julie (Associate #1)"

"Jennifer Morrison - Jade (Associate #2)"

"Theresa Barrera - Janet (Associate #3)"

"Perrey Reeves - Jessie (Associate #4)"

"Melanie Tolbert - Jamie (Associate #5)"

"[Repeated line] I am Kazaam!"

"That's not a wish, that's an insult!"

"Don't get all hysterical! Say thank you for your miracle!"

"Let's green egg and ham it!"

"Grab my belly and make a wish."

"You smell like hippopotamus butt."

"The world's most powerful genie has just met his match."

"He's A Rappin' Genie With An Attitude... And He's Ready For Slam-Dunk Fun!"

"Shaquille O'Neal - Kazaam / Neal Friedman"

"Francis capra - Maxwell "Max" Connor"

"Ally Walker - Alice Connor"

"James Acheson - Nick Matteo"

"John Costelloe as Travis"

"Marshall Manesh - Malik"

"Efren Ramirez - Carlos"

"Da Brat - Herself"

"Jake Glaser - Jake"

"Deidre Roper - Spinderella"

"Fawn Reed - Asia Moon"

"Un-fucking-believable!"

"So many assholes, so few bullets."

"Why do I wish the music industry and the whole globe would just suck my Dick Tracy?!"

"I am so terrifical, I even have my own toll-free number: 1-800-UNBELIEVABLE."

"What are you two, Neil and Bob? Or is that like what you do?"

"Have a Twinkie, Snapperhead."

"[notices his strat] Hey Zuzu. I found my guitar. I found my guitar. [brings it closer and notices it's scratched] It's all scratched up. It's all scratched up."

"Jazz: Maybe I should be thankful that was a foodless kiss."

"Neil: You couldn't even find a handle on a coffee cup."

"Kojak. Columbo. Dirty Harry. Wimps."

"He's on the money, off the record, and over the top."

"Meet Ford Fairlane. To his clients, he's the world's greatest rock n roll detective. To everyone else, he's just a dick."

"Ford Fairlane, rock 'n roll detective. To clients he's the greatest. To everyone else, he's just a dick."

"Private Detective. Public Offender."

"Andrew Dice Clay- Ford Fairlane"

"Wayne Newton - Julian Grendel"

"Priscilla Presley - Colleen Sutton"

"Lauren Holly - Jazz"

"Gilbert Gottfried - Johnny Crunch"

"Maddie Corman - Zuzu Petals"

"David Patrick Kelly - Sam the Sleaze Bag"

"Brandon Call - The Kid"

"Robert Englund - Smiley"

"Ed O'Neil - Lt. Amos"

"Vince Neil-Bobby Black"

"Morris Day - Don Cleveland"

"Sheila E. - Club singer"

"Lala Sloatman - Sorority Girl (credited as Lala)"

"Kari Wuhrer - Melodi"

"Linda Atkinson - Nona'"

"William Shockley - Punk Gunslinger"

"Mark Zuelke - Punk Gunslinger"

"Land! Solid land!!"

"Welcome to the infantry."

"This Navy S.E.A.L. Meets His Match."

"Prepare for bottle."

"Prepare for bottle. Prepare for battle."

"Shane Wolfe vs Bill Fawcett (final battle)"

"Julie Plummer vs Mrs. Chun (final battle)"

"Claire Fletcher vs Mr. Chun (final defeat)"

"Vin Diesel as Lieutenant Shane Wolfe"

"Lauren Graham as Claire Fletcher"

"Faith Ford as Julie Plummer"

"Brittany Snow as Zoe Plummer"

"Max Thieriot as Seth Plummer"

"Chris Potter as Captain Bill Fawcett"

"Morgan York as Lulu Plummer"

"Scott Thompson as the director of a local production of The Sound of Music"

"Carol Kane as Helga Popescu"

"Brad Garrett as Vice Principal Dwayne Murney"

"Keegan and Logan Hoover as Peter Plummer"

"Bo and Luke Vink as Baby Tyler Plummer"

"Tate Donovan as Howard Plummer"

"Dennis Akayama as Mr. Chun"

"Mung-Ling Tsui as Mrs. Chun"

"Cedric the Entertainer - Jake Rodgers"

"Lucy Liu - Gina"

"Nicollette Sheridan - Diane"

"Mark Dacascos - Eric Hauck"

"Callum Keith Rennie - Shaw"

"Niecy Nash - Jacuzzi"

"DeRay Davis - Ronnie"

"Will Patton - Riley"

"The Blues are Back."

"Dan Aykroyd — Elwood Blues"

"John Goodman — "Mighty" Mack McTeer"

"Joe Morton — Cab Chamberlain"

"Nia Peeples — Lieutenant Elizondo"

"Kathleen Freeman — Mother Mary Stigmata"

"J. Evan Bonifant — Buster Blues"

"Frank Oz — Warden"

"Steve Lawrence — Maury Sline"

"Darrell Hammond — Robertson"

"Erykah Badu — Queen Mousette"

"B. B. King — Malvern Gasperon"

"Junior Wells — Himself"

"Lonnie Brooks — Himself"

"Willie "Too Big" Hall — Himself"

"Matt "Guitar" Murphy — Himself"

""Blue Lou" Marini — Himself"

"Aretha Franklin — Mrs. Murphy"

"Donald "Duck" Dunn — Himself"

"Steve "The Colonel" Cropper — Himself"

"Tom "Bones" Malone — Himself"

"Alan "Mr. Fabulous" Rubin — Himself"

"Jonny Lang — Custodian"

"Murphy "Murph" Dunne — Himself"

"Eddie Floyd — Himself"

"Wilson Pickett — Himself"

"Jeff Morris — Bob"

"Sam Moore — Reverend Morris"

"James Brown — Reverend Cleophus James"

"Paul Shaffer — Marco"

"The Louisiana Gator Boys — Themselves"

"[During a car chase] You know, Dan Marino should definitely buy this car. Well, not this one, 'cause I'm gonna fuck this one up, but he should definitely get one like it."

"[Face down on a stretcher, on the way to the hospital] You know, unlike you, Mike, my parents didn't leave me no trust fund. I got real-world issues to deal with, man. I'm not in it for the thrills. [Behind him, Mike is mouthing every word in perfect synchrony and rolling his eyes]"

"Martin Lawrence — Detective Lieutenant Marcus Miles Burnett"

"Will Smith — Detective Lieutenant Michael Eugene 'Mike' Lowrey"

"Jordi Mollà — Hector Juan Carlos 'Johnny' Tapia"

"Gabrielle Union — DEA Special Agent Sydney 'Syd' Burnett"

"Peter Stormare — Alexei"

"Theresa Randle — Theresa Burnett"

"Joe Pantoliano — Captain Conrad Howard"

"Otto Sanchez - Carlos"

"Jon Seda - Roberto"

"Oleg Taktarov - Josef Kuninskavich"

"Michael Shannon - Floyd Poteet"

"Jason Manuel Olazabal - Detective Marco Vargas"

"Yul Vazquez - Detective Mateo Reyes"

"Treva Etienne - 'Icepick'"

"Kiko Ellsworth - 'Blondie Dread'"

"Timothy Adams - DEA van agent"

"Henry Rollins - TNT leader"

"Ivelin Giro - Mike's police psychologist"

"Dennis Greene - Reggie McDonald"

"John Salley - Fletcher"

"Dan Marino - Himself"

"Well, that depends on how fast you stock your pizza."

"Pork Rind."

"It's the news lady."

"Pork Rind?"

"[finally free of the can and furious] FREAK?! FREAK?!?"

"[still chasing Casey] Come back here! I'm not finished with you! [screams angrily] DAAAAAAAAAAMN!!!!"

"Heroes in a half shell!"

"Hey dude, this is no cartoon."

"Lean, Green And On The Screen."

"They're mean, green and on the screen"

"This ain't no cartoon."

"All fathers care for their sons."

"Cowabunga Dudes"

"There’s no greater feeling than walking onto the set and seeing the costumes in full motion, being worn by an actor. These things weighed 80 pounds, and the way they brought them to life with the technology that Jim Henson created to make them work and be believable…"

"When I first heard of it, I thought it was a horror film. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ is such a strange name."

"The animatronic Turtle suits created by Jim Henson's crew for the first TMNT movie were, quite simply, wonderful. I remember being blown away by how beautiful they were and how much the performers and puppeteers were able to get out of these clever and carefully-crafted agglomerations of latex, paint, leather and various fabrics."

"Q: Being a martial artist and having to work with Donny’s head on and being unable to see fully–does that hinder your natural movement? Did it do anything to your hand-eye coordination?"

"Judith Hoag - April O'Neil"

"Elias Koteas - Casey Jones"

"Josh Pais - Raphael, "Raph"/Man In Cab"

"Raymond Serra - Chief Sterns"

"David Forman - Leonardo, "Leo"/Gang Leader"

"Michelan Sisti - Michaelangelo, "Mikey"/Pizza Man"

"Leif Tilden - Donatello, "Donnie"/Foot Messenger"

"Michael Turney - Dan 'Danny' Pennington"

"Jay Patterson - Charles Pennington"

"James Saito - The Shredder/Oroko Saki"

"Toshirô Obata - Master Tatsu"

"And you're not my brother."

"If you're half-Chinese, I'm half-black. I'm your brother and I'm fly. You down with that, Snoopy? That's dope, isn't it?"

"The ambassador is my responsibility!"

"Sorry. I don't know him."

"I'm not constipated anymore!"

"You're lucky we're not in Hong Kong. Phone book is twice as big."

"Maybe we should put on a dirty movie. Only $9.95."

"My butt still hurts."

"[A dog pisses on Carter] Good girl!"

"For your information, I'm part Chinese now. That's right, Lee. For the last three years, I've studied the ancient teaching of Buddha, earning two black belts in Wushu martial arts, spending every afternoon at the Hong Kong Garden Massage Parlor on Pico and Bundy. I'm half-Chinese, baby."

"In case you missed it, man, people are trying to kill me! I'm covered in shit and some French cops whupped my ass with some yellow pages, man. So don't tell me it ain't none of my business!"

"Fine. I'm not your brother."

"Lee, I'm in trouble. I need some assistance!"

"Sister, you tell this piece of S-word that I will personally F-word him up."

"I am trying kill somebody, man! Damn!"

"I wouldn't say nothing. He has me. His brother from another mother."

"[mouths] I'm dead?"

"You Asian! Stop humiliating yourself!"

"I need a big suite, two beds, two showers, a massage therapist, some new clothes and a case of Old Spice."

"Lee. I got a big problem, man. This guy's on steroids. He got a head like Barry Bonds."

"Do you know who I am? Detective James Carter, LAPD. My family owns half of Crenshaw Boulevard."

"Lee, we almost killed your ass! Why you didn't move? I would like for you to meet our dates for tonight, Marsha and Zoe. Fat one's yours."

"Sorry, Lee. You can't be black. There's a height requirement."

"I'm coming, Soo-Yung! [Looks down from the Eiffel Tower] Oh, my God! What the hell am I doing up here?"

"I don't know what the hell you feeding him, but he is too damn big!"

"I'm about slice you up like a giant California roll! [Grabs a spear nearby]"

"Holy mother of Jesus! She's a man! I went to second base with a damn Frenchman! It's the Crying Games! I'm Broke Back Carter!! Oh God..."

"[After beating Kenji's men] Everybody was kung-fu fighting! That man was fast as Li- [notices Soo-Young still tied on a ledge] Soo-Yung!"

"[Holding a gun to a goon's ass] Don't move or I'll blow your ass cheeks off!"

"[To Jasmine after thinking that she and Lee were having sex instead of fighting each other to the death] You are a super freak!"

"[Catches a woman who falls while they escape from the triad club] You got a boyfriend?"

"[Lee sword-fights Kenji to the death] Lee, he might be your brother but turn him into your sister!"

"Chris Tucker as Carter"

"Jackie Chan as Lee"

"Max von Sydow as Reynard"

"Hiroyuki Sanada as Kenji"

"Roman Polanski as Detective Revi (uncredited)"

"Yvan Attal as George"

"Yûki Kudô as Dragon Lady (as Youki Kudoh)"

"Noémie Lenoir as Genevieve (as Noemie Lenoir)"

"Jingchu Zhang as Soo Yung (as Zhang Jingchu)"

"Tzi Ma as Ambassador Han"

"Dana Ivey as Sister Agnes"

"Henry O as Master Yu (as Henry O.)"

"Mia Tyler as Marsha"

"Prepare for their finest hour and their only finest one"

"They're rushing through the hours quick"

"The Rush Is On!"

"Are you driving with your eyes open? Or are you, like, using "the force"?"

"[Upon entering the pool area on the Playboy mansion] Jesus Christ! [Then to his crotch] Wake up! This is what we've always talked about! Look alive! You may never see it again! [to Billy and Taggert as he takes a large step] I don't wanna step on your tongues, excuse me."

"The Heat's Back On!"

"Axel Foley's back...where he doesn't belong!"

"Eddie Murphy - Axel Foley"

"Judge Reinhold - Billy Rosewood"

"Jürgen Prochnow - Maxwell Dent"

"Ronny Cox - Andrew Bogomil"

"John Ashton - John Taggart"

"Brigitte Nielsen - Karla Fry"

"Allen Garfield - Harold Lutz"

"Dean Stockwell - Chip Cain"

"Gil Hill - Inspector Todd"

"Gilbert Gottfried - Sidney Bernstein"

"Paul Reiser - Jeffrey Friedman"

"Paul Guilfoyle - Nikos Thomopolis"

"Robert Ridgely - Mayor Ted Egan"

"[To his team] Ok everybody's ready here ok, nobody need to take a nervous piss or nothing right? We got this? Ok? Let's mount up."

"[To CIA Agents] Police officer trying to catch a goddamned killer! Move it! Move it! Get the fuck out of my way! I'm a cop!"

"[To Wonderworld Park Security] You know you should have your tailor cut your jackets a little wider in the chest, that way your gun won't bulge in the back."

"I told you I was investigating a crime, and I think I'm in the right place as I've been here ten minutes and I've already been shot at."

"[Door knocking] Come in. [Door knocking] It's Open. [Door knocking, Billy goes to the door. Opens blinds] Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Axel Foley!"

"And Axel, Don't forget. We play by the rules down here. I've heard Taggart's stories."

"Turn that fucking song off!"

"Cop 3 was a very strange experience. The script wasn't any good, but I figured, "So what? I'll make it funny with Eddie." I mean, one of the worst scripts I ever read was the [original] Beverly Hills Cop. It was a piece of shit, that script. But the movie's very funny because Eddie Murphy and Martin Brest made it funny. Everything funny in that movie is not in the screenplay, so I thought, "Well, we'll do that.""

"But then I discovered on the first day when I started giving Eddie some shtick, he said, “You know, John… Axel Foley is an adult now. He’s not a wiseass anymore.” So, with Beverly Hills Cop 3, I had this strange experience where he was very professional, but he just wasn’t funny. I would try to put him in funny situations, and he would find a way to step around them. It’s an odd movie. There are things in it I like, but it’s an odd movie."

"The third Beverly Hills Cop was so horrible. I didn't want to leave it like that. The first two were cool and the third one is shitty. It's like, if you guys can come up to do a good one, then we can fix that old mess, and then the franchise is fixed again. So, I'm open to that possibility, cleaning up this old mess and making a good movie."

"I don’t think it’s gonna happen in March, but it is gonna be in Detroit. And before it happens, they’ve got to get that script right. That movie has to be right. The third Beverly Hills Cop was garbage. Those movies, when I travel overseas, people say [in a foreign accent] “Hey, Beverly Hills Cop! Axel Foley!” They call me that shit. All the movies I’ve done, and they call me that. If we do that movie, it has to be right. Not just thrown together to get a big check. I don’t need anymore of those."

"It's now become Hollywood gospel that if a high concept film is reasonably successful, then make a sequel and if that raises any interest at all, then, hey why not try one more. It's a shame that here the studios just don't know when to stop with this episode ruining the name of what was once an enjoyable franchise."

"He's back!"

"In for the ride of his life!"

"Eddie Murphy - Axel Foley"

"Judge Reinhold - Billy Rosewood"

"Hector Elizondo - John Flint"

"Timothy Carhart - Ellis De Wald"

"Theresa Randle - Janice"

"The greatest hero ever assembled."

"They've got gizmos up the wazoo."

"Matthew Broderick – John Brown / Inspector Gadget, RoboGadget"

"Rupert Everett – Sanford Scolex / Dr. Claw"

"Joely Fisher – Dr. Brenda Bradford, RoboBrenda"

"Michelle Trachtenberg – Penny"

"Don Adams – Brain (voice)"

"D. L. Hughley – Gadgetmobile (voice)"

"Dabney Coleman – Chief Quimby"

"Cheri Oteri – Mayor Wilson"

"Andy Dick – Kramer"

"Michael G. Hagerty – Sykes"

"René Auberjonois – Dr. Artemus Bradford"

"Frances Bay – Thelma"

"J.P. Manoux – The Mayor's assistant"

"Brian George – The Sore Guru"

"Jennifer Seguin – Agent Claw"

"French Stewart – Inspector Gadget"

"Tony Martin – Dr. Claw"

"Elaine Hendrix – G2"

"Mark Mitchell – Chief Quimby"

"Bruce Spence – Baxter"

"Caitlin Wachs – Penny"

"John Batchelor – McKibble"

"James Wardlaw – Brick"

"D. L. Hughley – voice of Gadgetmobile"

"You know I'm a better cop when I get some in the morning, I feel lighter on my feet."

"This is bad. No, let me call it what is. This is fucked up."

"Do you see the fuckin' emotion I'm goin' through right now?! That means this shit is serious. That means me and this motherfucker's not vibin' right now. That's what that shit means."

"You forgot your boarding pass."

"Mike, go down and you can have a Coke and a smile."

"Damn, why am I tripping on shit I know is there?"

"[to Fletch] If you don't sit your lanky ass down right now, bottom-line, I will knock you the fuck out!"

"He steals our shit, kidnaps Julie, shoots at my wife. Oh, we beatin' him down. We beatin' him down!"

"You know you drive almost slow enough to drive Miss Daisy."

"King Dingaling."

"I don't know why you going home to your wife. You got shot in the leg, your dick probably don't even work."

"[on Captain Howard and Captain Sinclair, having another vicious argument] They should just bone and get that shit over with."

"My shit always works sometimes!"

"Now that's how you supposed to drive! From now on, that's how you drive!"

"Marcus, I just have one question for ya bro. How the hell you gonna leave my ass at a gun fight to go get the car?!"

"Martin Lawrence ... Det. Marcus Burnett"

"Will Smith ... Det. Mike Lowrey"

"Téa Leoni ... Julie Mott"

"Tchéky Karyo ... Fouchet"

"Joe Pantoliano ... Captain C. Howard"

"Theresa Randle ... Theresa Burnett"

"Marg Helgenberger ... Capt. Alison Sinclair"

"Nestor Serrano ... Detective Sanchez"

"Julio Oscar Mechoso ... Detective Ruiz"

"Saverio Guerra ... Chet, the Doorman"

"Michael Imperioli ... Jojo"

"Anna Levine ... Francine (as Anna Thomson)"

"Vic Manni ... Ferguson"

"Frank John Hughes ... Casper"

"Mike Kirton ... Andy"

"Whatcha gonna do?"

"Do I look like I care what people think?"

"What you want? A cookie? Get the hell out of my face."

"All you people blocking the intersection...you're all idiots."

"Well you should sue McDonalds cause they fucked you up."

"(repeated line) Call me an asshole, one more time."

"(to Mary, during their row) I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!! I HATE TO BURST YOUR CRAZY LADY BUBBLE, BUT IT MUST NOT HAVE BEEN ALL THAT GREAT, 'CAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER YOU!"

"(to Mary) You better not hit me with that truck!"

"But if you don't pull over & give yourselves up quietly, I swear to Christ, your head is going up the driver's ass, his head is going up your ass, and you drew the short straw, cause your head's going up my ass."

"You gotta wonder though, what kind of bastard must I have been.....that nobody was there to claim me? I mean, I'm no, I'm not the most charming guy on the world so I've been told, but nobody?"

"I apologize to the people of Los Angeles. My behavior has been improper and I accept the consequences. I ask my fellow Angelinos for their patience and understanding. Life here can be difficult for me. After all, I am the only one of my kind. During my incarceration, I will be participating in alcohol and anger management treatment. You deserve better from me. I can be better. I will be better."

"You're gonna change the world. Good job, Ray."

"You're a superhero for God's sake, people should love you."

"You're an asshole."

"The AllHeart symbol will be known globally as a symbol of companies that are committed to changing the world. They'll give away their sustenance goods of food, drugs, power, clothing for free."

"That's something you might want to bring up on a first date, Mary. "I don't like to travel." "I'm allergic to cats." "I'm immortal." Those are like some things you might want to give a little heads up on."

"What is it, National Horn Day?"

"I think you're wasting your time with this guy."

"He's not going to go."

"Okay! I was flying! And — I'm very strong — as well. It's just the way we are."

"This is very hard to explain."

"(to Hancock) GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!!!"

"(after Ray says Hancock to go away) Technically speaking, he's my husband."

"Whatever we are we were built in twos, okay? We're drawn to each other — no matter how far I run, he's always there — he finds me! It's physics!"

"Hancock is not your average superhero. Every day he wakes up mad at the world. He doesn't remember what happened to him and there's no one to help him find the answers."

"We are not giving up! I almost died! You almost died! We take the next ship and win that bet!"

"Twenty-six minutes ago, a ship left Dover for Paris. From there, the thief takes the Orient Express, where he transfers to a steamer from Istanbul to India. In little over a month, that man could be in China."

"[about Passepartout hitting buildings and statues of Paris while hanging on the rope of the balloon] Very impressive. I'd have let go by now."

"This is what happens when you leave home. You meet... people!"

"Here comes Mr. Grumpy... and the Leather-ettes."

"I am a British citizen, I have nothing to fear! [Gunshot goes off in background] Except bullets."

"[after drinking too much Chinese liquor] I am going to be abominably ill."

"I travelled the world for inspiration, and found it in a man who lives what he dreams."

"[upon seeing General Fang's knife shoe embedded in his red book of rules] Yes, well... rules are made to be broken. Or... stabbed by a... spikey shoe."

"It's not supposed to be accurate. The artist views reality through imagination rather than simply recording it. It is called impressionism."

"And with this draft to develop new applications for copper wire, Dr Ramsey invented this. [displays a Slinky made of copper, then starts speaking with a dark voice] Needless to say, the Royal Academy of Science declared this crackpot "mentally incompetent" and he was duly dispatched to a lunatic asylum."

"[referring to General Fang] A female General?! What sort of pathetic man takes orders from a woman? [The camera pans out to show a picture of Queen Victoria]"

"We live in a golden age, Fogg. Everything worth discovering has been discovered. Yet ridiculous dreamers like you insist on a past filled with "dinosaurs" and "evolution", and on a future filled with "motorized vehicles", "radio waves" and "flying machines"."

"What's the point in hiring a corrupt inspector if he can't even abuse the law properly?!"

"This is the Royal Academy of Science! We don't need to prove anything! Besides, by the time you get out of jail, you'll have lost this wager."

"Oh, boo-hoo! So what if I did try to kill Phileas Fogg? What are you gutless peons going to do about it?! I hold all the power! I run everything! So which of you half-wits is going to stop me? You?! You?! You?! [Little girl: "The Queen!"] The Queen?! [laughing] Oh, the Queen! That inbred, antiquated old cow! [as Queen Victoria arrives behind him, looking unamused] The only way she could stop me is if she sat on me! With her big, fat royal bottom! [laughs more, then stops nervously] She's behind me, isn't she?"

"Jackie Chan - Lau "Passepartout" Xing"

"Steve Coogan - Phileas Fogg"

"Cécile de France - Monique La Roche"

"Jim Broadbent - Lord Kelvin"

"Ewen Bremner - Inspector Fix"

"Kathy Bates - Queen Victoria"

"Arnold Schwarzenegger - Prince Hapi"

"Ian McNeice - Colonel Kitchener"

"Karen Joy Morris - General Fang"

"Roger Hammond - Lord Rhodes"

"David Ryall - Lord Salisbury"

"Mark Addy - Steamer Captain"

"Richard Branson - Balloon Man"

"John Cleese - Grizzled Sergeant"

"Will Forte - Young Bobby"

"Macy Gray - Sleeping French Woman"

"Sammo Hung - Wong Fei Hung"

"Rob Schneider - San Francisco Hobo"

"Luke Wilson - Orville Wright"

"Owen Wilson - Wilbur Wright"

"Daniel Wu - Bak Mei"

"This is the cleanest and nicest police car I've ever been in in my life. This thing's nicer than my apartment."

"[Foley hands the keys to his beat-up car to a valet] Can you put this in a good spot for me? 'Cause all this shit happened last time I parked here."

"Don't you think I realize what's going on here, miss? Who do you think I am, huh? Don't you think I know that if I was some hotshot from out of town that pulled inside here and you guys made a reservation mistake, I'd be the first one to get a room and I'd be upstairs relaxing right now. But I'm not some hotshot from out of town, [shouting] I'm a small reporter from "Rolling Stone" magazine that's in town to do an exclusive interview with Michael Jackson that's gonna be picked up by every major magazine in the country. I was gonna call the article "Michael Jackson Is Sitting On Top of the World," but now I think I might as well just call it "Michael Jackson Can Sit On Top of the World Just As Long As He Doesn't Sit in the Beverly Palm Hotel 'CAUSE THERE'S NO NIGGERS ALLOWED IN THERE!""

"[in a strip club] Billy, you know, you don't have to be embarrassed if your dick gets hard. Your dick is supposed to get hard. See? That's the whole object of this. Taggart's dick is hard, but he won't let you know 'cause he's the boss. Boss' dick got to stay limp, right? See, I ain't on duty so my dick can be hard."

"Tell Victor that Ramon - -the fella he met about a week ago? - -tell him that Ramon went to the clinic today, and I found out that I have, um, herpes simplex 10, and I think Victor should go check himself out with his physician to make sure everything is fine before things start falling off on the man."

"The Heat Is On!"

"He's been chased, thrown through a window, and arrested. Eddie Murphy is a Detroit cop on vacation in Beverly Hills."

"Eddie Murphy - Axel Foley"

"Judge Reinhold - Detective Billy Rosewood"

"John Ashton - Sergeant John Taggart"

"Lisa Eilbacher - Jenny Summers"

"Ronny Cox - Lieutenant Andrew Bogomil"

"Steven Berkoff - Victor Maitland"

"James Russo - Mikey Tandino"

"Jonathan Banks - Zack"

"Stephen Elliott - Chief Hubbard"

"Gil Hill - Inspector Douglas Todd"

"Art Kimbro - Detective Foster"

"Joel Bailey - Detective McCabe"

"Bronson Pinchot - Serge"

"Paul Reiser - Jeffrey"

"[narrating] I always wondered why nobody did it before me. I mean, all those comic books, movies, t. v. shows, you'd think that one eccentric loner would have made himself a costume. I mean, is everyday life really so exciting? Are schools and offices so thrilling that I'm the only one who ever fantasised about this? Come on, be honest with yourself. At some point in our lives, we all wanted to be a superhero."

"[while attempting to rescue a stubborn cat named 'Mister Bitey' who was stuck on a billboard platform] FUCK YOU, Mister Bitey! [falls off platform]"

"With no power comes no responsibility, except that wasn't true."

"Okay, you cunts, let's see what you can do now."

"[after killing Cody in his car with a car crusher] What a douche."

"[after saving Big Daddy and Kick-Ass from being executed on live television] Show's over, motherfuckers. [destroys the video camera]"

"[lifts up gun at Mindy] You're gonna be fine, babydoll! [shoots Mindy in the chest]"

"Mindy? No more homework, baby doll. It's time for Frank D'Amico to go bye-bye."

"That's right, we're superheroes, you love us."

"As a great man once said, "Wait 'til they get a load of me!"."

"[in mockingly childish falsetto] Mommy! I want a Kick-Ass party! [in normal voice] Dumb little fucks."

"Fuck this shit, I'm getting the bazooka!"

"[about to fire the bazooka] Say hello to my little friend!"

"You are so fucking dead, man! [gets stabbed by Hit-Girl]"

"I saw the first Kick-Ass and I loved it. I thought it was an amazing movie. It’s just a great action film that caught me off-guard. You see all these super hero movies, and super heroes have a moral code that they live by and it seemed like in Kick-Ass, that wasn’t the case. It was survival on the streets and still try to fight crime. I think that’s a more realistic version of what vigilantes would be."

"Shut up. Kick Ass."

"I can't fly, but I can kick your ass."

"I can't be invisible, but I can kick your ass."

"I can't see through walls, but I can kick your ass."

"I can't read your mind, but I can kick your ass."

"You are fucking awesome!"

"With no power comes no responsibility."

"Aaron Johnson — Dave Lizewski/Kick-Ass"

"Nicolas Cage — Damon Macready/Big Daddy"

"Chloë Grace Moretz — Mindy Macready/Hit-Girl"

"Mark Strong — Frank D'Amico"

"Christopher Mintz — Chris D'Amico/Red Mist"

"Stu 'Large' Riley (credited as Stu Riley) — the Huge Goon"

"Lyndsy Fonseca — Katie Deauxma"

"Evan Peters — Todd Haynes"

"Clark Duke — Marty Eisenberg"

"Xander Berkeley — Detective Gigante"

"Omari Hardwick — Sergeant Marcus Williams"

"Michael J. Fox ... Nick Lang/Ray Casanov"

"James Woods ... Detective Lt. John Moss, NYPD"

"Stephen Lang ... Party Crasher"

"Annabella Sciorra ... Susan"

"John Capodice ... Detective Grainy, NYPD"

"Delroy Lindo ... Captain Brix, NYPD"

"Luis Guzmán ... Detective Benny Pooley, NYPD"

"LL Cool J ... Detective Billy, NYPD"

"Mary Mara ... Detective China, NYPD"

"Bruce Goldberg ... Taxi Cab Driver"

"Penny Marshall ... Angie, Nick's agent"

"Christina Ricci ... Bonnie, Susan's daughter"

"George Kee Cheung ... Drug Dealer"

"Lewis Black ... Obnoxious Banker that John faces off with in a bar"

"Rand Foerster (co-founder of The West Bank Café Downstairs Theatre Bar with Lewis Black) ... Obnoxious Banker"

"Kathy Najimy ... Nick's Girl Friday"

"Mos Def ... Dead Romeos Gang Member (as Dante Smith)"

"Bill Cobbs ... Raggedy Man who accosts Nick outside of the Dead Romeos' pad"

"Leif Riddell ... Head mugger"

"Johnny Sanchez ... Mugger"

"Karen Lynn Gorney ... Woman in Subway"

"Holly Kuespert (wife of director D.J. Caruso) ... Nick's co-star in "Smoking Gunn""

"Michael Badalucco ... Pizza Man"

"Fracaswell Hyman (creator of The Famous Jett Jackson) ... Wino"

"Bryant Gumbel ... Himself"

"Jan Speck (model and wife of the film's director, John Badham) ... Frank, TV reporter"

"David Sosna ... Billy the Frog Dog Vendor"

"[talking to himself] What are you trained to do? Nothing."

"[from trailer] Nobody knows this mall better than I do."

"[from trailer] Safety never takes a holiday."

"[after showing a Loch Ness Monster tattoo on his lower back that he got while drunk] It's the . I don't drink."

"[headbutts criminal, groans] Nobody wins with a headbutt."

"[to a villain] Hey you, Scuba-dooby-doo! [sends a scuba tank into a villain, knocking him out]"

"[sees Paul hanging by a rope, being pulled up into the air ducts] I wish I had a bat. I would burst you open, see how much much candy fell out."

"Y'know, my mother always said: "If you want something done right, waste the guy yourself." I'm paraphrasing, of course. You stay here."

"Peanut Blart and jelly! What, what, what's up, man?"

"Alright, you have all completed the written exam. However, you must now pass the obstacle course to be admitted into the training program. And remember, survive this and you're on the front lines of keeping New Jersey safe."

"You blew up my wood stools. You know how hard it is to get wood on the moon?"

"Eddie Murphy as Pluto Nash/Rex Crater"

"Randy Quaid as Bruno"

"Rosario Dawson as Dina Lake"

"Joe Pantoliano as Mogan"

"Jay Mohr as Anthony Frankowski/Tony Francis"

"Luis Guzmán as Felix Laranga"

"James Rebhorn as Belcher"

"Peter Boyle as Rowland"

"Pam Grier as Flura Nash"

"John Cleese as James"

"Burt Young as Gino"

"Lillo Brancato as Larry"

"Victor Varnado as Kelp"

"Miguel A. Núñez, Jr. as Miguel"

"Illeana Douglas as Dr. Mona Zimmer"

"Richard Raybourne as Bartender Phil"

"Alec Baldwin as Michael Zoroaster Marucci (uncredited)"

"I've been in prison for three years. My dick gets hard if the wind blows."

"Nick Nolte as Det. Insp. Jack Cates"

"Eddie Murphy as Reggie Hammond"

"James Remar as Albert Ganz"

"David Patrick Kelly as Luther"

"Sonny Landham as Billy Bear"

"Brion James as Det. Sgt. Ben Kehoe"

"Annette O'Toole as Elaine Marshall"

"Frank McRae as Capt. Haden"

"Kerry Sherman as Rosalie"

"Jonathan Banks as Det. Algren"

"James Keane as Detective"

"Greta Blackburn as Lisa"

"Margot Rose as Casey"

"Denise Crosby as Sally"

"Olivia Brown as Candy"

"Peter Jason as Cowboy Bartender"

"Bill Cross as Patrol Officer #1"

"Chris Mulkey as Patrol Officer #2"

"Sandy Martin as Policewoman"

"Ned Dowd as Big Cop"

"Jim Haynie as Old Cop"

"Jon St. Elwood as Plainclothesman"

"Nick Dimitri as Torchy's Patron"

"John Dennis Johnston as Torchy's Patron"

"Rock A. Walker as Torchy's Patron"

"The boys are back in town. Nick Nolte is a cop. Eddie Murphy is a convict. They couldn't have liked each other less... They couldn't have needed each other more. And the last place they ever expected to be is on the same side. Even for... 48 hrs."

"When a tough cop has a cool convict as a partner and 48 hrs to catch a killer, a lot of funny things can happen in... 48 hrs."

"Let me tell you something, Jack. If shit was worth something, poor people would be born with no asshole."

"When you've been in prison as long as I have, you remember every story about pussy you ever heard."

"[realizing Jack is still alive] No fucking way!"

"Eddie Murphy - Reggie Hammond"

"Nick Nolte - Det Sgt. Jack Cates"

"Brion James - Det. Sgt. Ben Kehoe"

"Kevin Tighe - Det. Lt. Blake Wilson"

"Ed O'Ross - Frank Cruise"

"David Anthony Marshall - Willie Hickok"

"Andrew Divoff - Richard "Cherry" Ganz"

"Bernie Casey - Kirkland Smith"

"Brent Jennings - Tyrone Burroughs"

"Ted Markland - Malcolm Price"

"Tisha Campbell - Amy Smith"

"Felice Orlandi - Warden"

"Edward Walsh - Det. Joe Stevens"

"Page Leong - Angel Lee"

"Edgar Small - Judge"

"They're on the look out for thrills, action and adventure."

"Richard Dreyfuss - Det. Chris Lecce"

"Emilio Estevez - Det. Bill Reimers"

"Rosie O'Donnell - A.D.A. Gina Garrett"

"Dennis Farina - Brian O'Hara"

"Marcia Strassman - Pam O'Hara"

"Cathy Moriarty - Luella Delano"

"John Rubinstein - D.A. Thomas Hassrick"

"Miguel Ferrer - Tony Castellano"

"Sharon Maughan - Barbara Burnside"

"Christopher Doyle - McNamara"

"Sharon Schaffer - Tilghman"

"Dan Lauria - Capt. Phil Coldshank"

"Madeleine Stowe - Maria McGuire (uncredited)"

"It's fast, it's wild, hot & funny"

"Getting there is twice the fun."

"Charlie Sheen - Jackson Davis "Jack" Hammond"

"Kristy Swanson - Natalie Voss"

"Rocky Carroll - Byron Wilder (Channel 8 traffic reporter)"

"Henry Rollins - Officer Dobbs (lead chase car driver)"

"Josh Mostel - Officer Figus (lead chase car passenger)"

"Bree Walker - Wendy Sorenson (Channel 8 news anchor)"

"Ray wise as Dalton Voss (Natalie's father)"

"Marshall Bell - Ari Josephson (Hammond's attorney)"

"Claudia Christian - Yvonne Voss (Natalie's stepmother)"

"Natalia Nogulich - Frances Voss (Natalie's mother)"

"Cary Elwes - Steve (Channel 12 news anchor)"

"Flea - Anthony Kiedis - Red-blooded American monster truck driver Dale, passenger Will"

"Paul Dandridge - himself"

"Cassian Elwes - The Producer (reality cop show)"

"Ron Jeremy - Cameraman (in Ari the lawyer's office)"

"Scott Atkins - Cop in San Diego"

"Damn, The floorboard isn't straight."

"Next time, just stick with a tricycle."

"Creepy, huh? We're the CIA. That's what we do."

"Banks? Hey, we got somethin' in common, Cody. My dad "owns" banks."

"Why is everyone trying to kill me?!"

"(Alexander's letter to Elise) Elise, you have no reason to trust me anymore, but give me a chance to explain myself. I know the police are watching you. We have to throw them off the trail. Board the eight-twenty-two, the Gare de Lyon. Pick someone my height and build and make them believe it is me. Burn this letter. It is important you follow my instructions precisely. I love you, Alexander."

"(to Elise) Would you rather have me smoking for real?"

"(to Elise) You are the least down to earth person I've ever met."

"I'm involved in something here and no offense, this is not a local issue."

"What made Pearce think he could take on a guy like that? (Shaw)"

"(about Frank to Shaw) This man is a tourist!"

"(to Frank) I would rather you be a man who did exactly as he pleased."

"(to Frank) So, what are you doing all alone in the city of lovers? Is there no one in your life?"

"(about Alexander) He's someone who used to be very important to me."

"(about Shaw) Once he bragged to Alexander that he had every man killed his wife had slept with before she met him. When he found out how many there had been, he killed her too."

"Alexander Pearce has a new face."

"Alexander Pearce has $744,000,000 in illegal assets. That given he is a British subject we might seize. This operation so far has cost me $8,000,000."

"(to his henchmen) You know he will be with her. They'll be staying at one of the grand hotels. The Gritti, the Regina, the Danieli. I want you to keep a watch on all of them. You can kill the girl, but you can't kill him. Not until I have my money that is."

"(contemplative) You know I worked very hard for years so I wouldn't have to do the dirty work any more. No more chasing traitors, no more killing. Now I employ people to do those things for me."

"(about his suit) Does it look alright?"

"(to Frank, very seriously) The man you are talking about is called Alexander Pearce. He stole big money from a gangster. They've come to Venice to find him and they think you are him."

"It all started when he met a woman."

"The Perfect Trip - The Perfect Trap"

"Angelina Jolie - Elise Clifton-Ward"

"Johnny Depp - Frank Tupelo / Alexander Pearce"

"Paul Bettany - Insp. John Acheson"

"Steven Berkoff - Reginald Shaw"

"Timothy Dalton - Chief Insp. Jones"

"Rufus Sewell - "Alexander Pearce" / Lawrence Mason"

"Christian De Sica - Col. Lombardi"

"Alessio Boni - Sgt. Cerato"

"Daniele Pecci - Lt. Narduzzi"

"Giovanni Guidelli - Lt. Tommassini"

"Raoul Bova - Count Filippo Gaggia"

"Igor Jijikine - Virginsky"

"Bruno Wolkowitch - Capt. Courson"

"Marc Ruchmann - Brigadier Kaiser"

"Julien Baumgartner - Brigadier Ricuort"

"François Vincentelli - Brigadier Marion"

"Nino Frassica - Brigadier Mele"

"Neri Marcorè - Alessio, the hotel concierge"

"Renato Scarpa - Arturo, a tailor"

"Maurizio Casagrande - Antonio, a waiter"

"Your Honour, these men were acting under my command. Any judgment should be levied on me and me alone."

"[repeated line] I love it when a plan comes together."

"[to attendant after barely escaping cremation] So, Satan walks into this bar... [The attendent faints]"

"Give me a minute, I'm good. Give me an hour, I'm great. Give me six months, I'm unbeatable."

"This is a hell of a beautiful place. Is this a timeshare, I'd like to get into... [gets punched in the face by a soldier] Good morning!"

"[to General Tuco] Alpha, Mike, Foxtrot! Think about it. Adios... Mother... F...! [Hannibal and B.A. arrive in B.A.'s van]"

"[as Tuco flies in U.S. airspace] Alpha, Mike, Foxtrot! In other words, Adios... Mother... F...! [Tuco is shot down]"

"[shoots twice on the airport and points out at one of Lynch's men] Oh, mein Gott! Er hat eine Waffe! Er hat eine Waffe! EINE WAFFE!! (Oh, my god! He's got a gun! He's got a gun! A gun!) Sucker!"

"Hey Bosco it's a little stuffy, I'm gonna pop the window! [opens tank hatch and fires the machine gun at the attacking drones] YEAAHHH! WHAT YOU GOT BITCHES!? WHAT YOU GOT!?"

"[After 2 of the 3 parachutes connected to the tank are cut off by one of the drone's wreckage] Hannibal, we're in trouble!"

"[from trailer] I'm B.A., and you're gonna be unconscious."

"[In the tank] I'm too young to die!"

"The only reason I don't kick your asses is cos y'all outrank me!"

"[After being tricked into flying] What you don't realise is now I gotta kill all of y'all! I'll kill all of y'all! Hannibal first, then Murdock! I'm gonna save Face for last!"

"[singing as he spins on a helicopter blade] You spin me right round baby, right round! Rotors are good, sir!"

"Hang on, everybody - I wanna try something I saw in a cartoon once!"

"[in fake English accent, after turning off chopper engine] That's how we deal with heat seekers, chaps! We go cold."

"[after B.A almost fell out of the chopper] Close the door! I know you're airborne rangers, but that was ridiculous!"

"[While Face is firing at the drones with the tank's machine gun] Let me have a turn, Face, c'mon!"

"[in the tank as it's falling] It's been an honor, gentlemen! The greatest ride is the last ride, Colonel!"

"[To an old lady as their tank comes out of the lake] Which way to Berlin?"

"[about Face's team] I would never tell him this, but they are the best clandestine unit in the four branches, and they specialize in the ridiculous."

"Liam Neeson - Col. John "Hannibal" Smith"

"Bradley Cooper - Lt. Templeton "Face" Peck"

"Quinton "Rampage" Jackson - Sgt. Bosco Albert "B.A." (Bad Attitude) Baracus"

"Sharlto Copley - Captain H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock"

"Jessica Biel - Charissa Sosa"

"Patrick Wilson - Agent Vance Burress a.k.a. Agent Lynch"

"Brian Bloom - Brock Pike"

"Gerald McRaney - General Russell Morrison"

"Jon Hamm - Lynch"

"Terry Chen - Ravech"

"C. Ernst Harth - Crematorium Attendant"

"Corey Burton - Narrator"

"Anita Brown - Attractive Prison Guard"

"You know what I hate about dentists? They always say something's not gonna hurt and it does. Me, I'm honest. Now this is gonna hurt."

"Friends, enemies, they're all the same- trust equals death. Now go write that on your lunchbox."

"[taunting Cody] Where are your friends now, huh, Cody?! Good student like you should take note: You trusted me. What a mistake! Your friends are NOWHERE when you're about to die!"

"Open the pig!"

"Keep your dress on!"

"[to Cooper] If anything happens to Sarah, I will rip everything you love out of your life and then I'll kill you."

"I never thought I'd say this again...I am getting the pig!!"

"[After blowing up an assassin who insulted him] "Old man" my ass!"

"[as he and Frank run from Moldovan Ground Forces] I told you something bad was going to happen!"

"[about identifying the envelope of fingers] This used to be a gentleman's game."

"[Feeling the effects of being drugged] I may vomit...This is just like Love's Savage Secret."

"[Half-drugged with a sedative] I am...HIGH. [Giggles] You have such beautiful green eyes."

"[To Frank, after he shoots at Cooper and drives them away] Wow, you really are CIA."

"[waking up in New York, to Frank] Wow, I really hate you right now."

"The General has dropped his contact lens. Perhaps you'd like to help us?"

"I love it here. I love the baking, I love the flower arranging. I like the routine...Well, I do get a bit restless sometimes. I take the odd contract on the side. I just can't stop."

"Tell Marvin to stand down before he hurts himself."

"How's retirement, Frank?"

"Bad move, Grandpa!"

"I miss the old days. I haven't killed anyone in years."

"[to Frank] I think you are not here for the vodka."

"[showing Frank the scars from being shot] This was done to me by the love of my life. Now she sits outside my house drinking vodka. When I woke alive, I knew she still loved me. Otherwise it would have been the head. It was big risk for her, but one does crazy things for love."

"Bruce Willis - Francis "Frank" Moses"

"Morgan Freeman - Joe Matheson"

"John Malkovich - Marvin Boggs"

"Helen Mirren - Victoria Winslow"

"Karl Urban - William Cooper"

"Mary-Louise Parker - Sarah Ross"

"Rebecca Pidgeon - Cynthia Wilkes"

"Brian Cox - Ivan Simanov"

"Richard Dreyfuss - Alexander Dunning"

"Julian McMahon - Vice President Robert Stanton"

"Ernest Borgnine - Henry, The Records Keeper"

"James Remar - Gabriel Singer"

"Still Armed. Still Dangerous. Still Got It."

"He's Got Time To Kill."

"Killer Company Man."

"Aims To Please."

"Doesn't Get Out Much."

"Looking For A Little Action."

"A High Caliber Woman."

"There's No Substitute for Experience."

"Harrison Ford as Detective-Sergeant Joe Gavilan"

"Josh Hartnett as Detective K.C. Calden"

"Bruce Greenwood as Lieutenant Bernard "Bennie" Macko"

"What an asshole."

"You and me, like Batman and Robin."

"What's the matter, Chris? Shit hit your shorts?"

"You're gonna pay for what you did to my dad."

"What is wrong with you, dude?! This is not a comic book, it's real life! When you're dead, it's done! There's no sequel!"

"There’s no room for punks in suits. Just real heroes who can really kick ass."

"Game on, cocksuckers!"

"Avengers assemble, asshole."

"Maybe I’ll jam my foot up your snatch."

"This 15 year old girl just owned your ass."

"Pull over, Pukeface!"

"Are you afraid you're not gonna grow into your big boy's pants?"

"This isn’t a costume, it’s who you really are."

"You know all that homophobic shit makes you sound super gay."

"Dave, your father loved you. Just like my daddy loved me. And I know it hurts. But maybe-maybe that's the real meaning of being a superhero. It's taking that pain and turning it into something good. Something right. Remember what you told me? "This is your life. You got to live it." Now help me find some pliers. I'm gonna make this guy eat his own dick."

"Get the word out that I'm building an evil army."

"I'm going to make Kick-Ass pay for what he did to my Dad."

"Red Mist was my superhero name. Henceforth, I'll be known as...The Motherfucker!"

"My superpower is that I'm rich as shit."

"Are you really that stupid? There's two of you and a whole army of us, Do you really have such a hard-on to die?"

"I'm gonna wipe my ass with your face!"

"What's the point of wearing a mask if you can't do what you want?!"

"Your dad?! You blew up my dad with a bazooka!"

"No. No. People WANT to win the lottery, People WANT to fuck Scarlett Johansson, No one WANTS to risk their life so some moron can walk through the projects at night."

"I'm here to end Kick-Ass--not just to kill him. I am gonna shit on everything that he loves!"

"You made this real! You started it! Now, I'm gonna finish it--I'll be immortal, like an evil Jesus."

"Alright, time for initiation. Turn around and I'll unzip you."

"Heh heh, yeah! There's a dog on your balls!"

"[last words, before dying] Justice...For...ever!"

"Aaron Taylor-Johnson - David Lizewski/Kick-Ass"

"Christopher Mintz-Plasse - Chris D'Amico/The Motherfucker"

"Chloë Grace Moretz - Mindy Macready/Hit-Girl"

"Clark Duke - Marty Eisenberg/Battle Guy"

"Morris Chestnut - Detective Marcus Williams"

"Donald Faison - Doctor Gravity"

"John Leguizamo - Javier"

"Jim Carrey - Sal Bertolinni"

"Augustus Prew - Todd Haynes/Ass-Kicker"

"Garrett M. Brown - Mr. Lizewski"

"Iain Glen - Ralph D'Amico"

"Lindy Booth - Miranda Swedlow/Night-Bitch"

"Robert Emms - Insect Man"

"[addressing the soldiers because the AN has preferred to cut a deal with Bison] Troopers! I have just received new orders. Our superiors say the war is canceled, and we can all go home. Bison is getting paid off for his crimes. And our friends who have died here, will have died.. for nothing. But, we can all go home. Meanwhile, ideas like peace, freedom, and justice; they get packed up. But, we can all go home. Well.. I'm not going home. I'm going to get on my boat, and I'm going up-river, and I'm going to kick that son-of-a-bitch Bison's ass so HARD, that the next wannabe is going to feel it. Now, who wants to go home... and who wants to go with ME?!"

"I was hoping to face Guile personally on the battlefield. One gentleman warrior to another, in respectful combat, then I would snap his spine. Ah! The road not taken. But why? Why do they still call me a warlord? And mad?! All I want to do.. is to create the perfect genetic soldier! Not for power, not for evil, but for good! Carlos Blanka will be the first of many. They shall march out of my laboratory and sweep away every adversary, every creed, every nation! Until the very planet is in the loving grip of the "Pax Bisonica." And then peace will reign...in the world. And all humanity... shall bow to me... in humble gratitude."

"[As he fights Guile] Something wrong Colonel? You come here prepared to fight a madman and instead you found a god?! ... You still refuse to accept my god-hood? Keep your own god! In fact, this might be a good time to pray to Him. For I beheld Satan as he fell FROM HEAVEN! LIKE LIGHTNING!!"

"The ultimate battle."

"Adventure is the name of the game."

"Get ready for the ultimate street fight!"

"The ultimate battle is about to begin."

"This Christmas, shop early. The streets won't be safe."

"The fight to save the world is on!"

"Jean-Claude Van Damme - Colonel Gulie"

"Raúl Juliá - M. Bison"

"Ming-Na Wen - Chun-Li"

"Damian Chapa - Ken"

"Kylie Minogue - Cammy"

"Simon Callow - A.N. Official"

"Bryon Mann - Ryu"

"Roshan Seth - Dhalsim"

"Andrew Bryniarski - Zangief"

"Grand L. Bush - Balrog"

"Robert Mammone - Carlos Blanka"

"Miguel A. Núñez Jr. - Dee Jay"

"Gregg Rainwater - T. Hawk"

"Kenya Sawada - Captain Sawada"

"Jay Tavare - Vega"

"Peter Tuiasosopo - E. Honda"

"Wes Studi - Sagat"

"[repeated line] Let's roll, Kato!"

"Seth Rogen as Britt Reid/The Green Hornet"

"Jay Chou as Kato"

"Cameron Diaz as Lenore "Casey" Case"

"Christoph Waltz as Benjamin Chudnofsky"

"Tom Wilkinson as James Reid"

"Alright, let's get one thing straight: The woman is mine! Now we're both members of the animal kingdom. You know that and I know that. And we both know that this thing is really primal. So if you think you're such a badass, you just try that one more time and you're gonna end up in a pet cemetery! You remember the movie Old Yeller? You remember when they shot him in the end? I didn't cry! Now come on!"

"[helicopter pilots are shooting up Dooley's car] Well, it's not the Eyewitness News Team. [flames erupt underneath Dooley's car] I think somebody is mad at me. [Dooley's car explodes] DEFINITELY somebody is mad at me."

"Meet the two toughest cops in town."

"One's just a little smarter than the other."

"Jim Belushi - Detective Michael Dooley"

"Mel Harris - Tracy"

"Kevin Tighe - Lyman"

"Ed O'Neill - K-9 Sgt. Brannigan"

"Jerry Lee - Himself"

"James Handy - Lt. Byers"

"Sherman Howard - Dillon"

"Daniel Davis - Halstead"

"Cotter Smith - Gilliam"

"John Snyder - Freddie"

"Pruitt Taylor Vince - Benny the Mule"

"Jeff Allin - Chad"

"David Haskell - Doctor"

"Alan Blumenfeld - Rental Salesman"

"Colleen Morris - Rolls Blonde"

"Wendell Meldrum - Woman with obedient dog"

"William Sadler (credited as Bill Sadler) - Salesman Don"

"Dan Castellaneta - Maître d'hôtel (cameo appearance)"

"[while singing along to Shoop by Salt-N-Pepa, he notices the camera] What–oh! Oh hello. I know, right? Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie? I can't tell you, but it does rhyme with "Polverine." And let me tell you, [In an Australian accent] he's got a nice pair of smooth criminals down under. [normally] Anyway, I got places to be, a face to fix, and–oh! Bad guys to kill!"

"[while fighting Francis' goons on the highway] I'm looking for-[snaps one's neck] Francis! [in the front seat, he holds the crayon drawing from earlier] Have you seen this man? [his head is grabbed and bashed against the radio, changing the stations] Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow."

"I’m just a bad guy paid to fuck up worse guys."

"[to Vanessa, who is grabbing the testicles of a man who made a pass at her] Hey, hey! Hakuna his tatas."

"Maximum effort!"

"[in the middle of a fight] Ssssshit. Did I leave the stove on?"

"[after a gunfight where he kills a bunch of henchmen with just 12 bullets, he brings the barrels to his nose and inhales the smell of gunpowder] Ahhhhhhhhh. I'm touching myself tonight."

"[losing bullets] 10! Shit! 9! Fuck! 8! Shit-fuck!"

"You're clowning... you're not clowning? I sense clowns."

"[Tries to shoot a motorcycle-riding goon, and fails] Bad Deadpool. [casually] 7. [shoots a wounded goon dead] Good Deadpool."

"[to a thug who has run out of ammo] Someone's not counting. [shoots him] Six."

"A fourth wall break inside a fourth wall break. That's, like, sixteen walls!"

"[Walks by Blind Al and farts] Hashtag, "#driveby.""

"And please don't make the super suit green. Or animated!"

"[to Vanessa] Listen, we both know that cancer is a shitshow. Like a "Yakov Smirnoff opening for the Spin Doctors at the Iowa State Fair" shitshow. And under no circumstances will I take you to that show. I want you to remember me, not the Ghost of Christmas Me."

"I had another Liam Neeson nightmare. I kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn't having it. They made three of those movies. At some point you have to wonder if he's just a bad parent."

"[before a montage where he asks Ajax's hench-people where he is, and kills them when they don't answer] This shit's gonna have nuts in it!"

"[to one of Francis' goons] I'm not gonna ask twice; where is Francis? [cut to Wade stabbing his knife through the picture on the corkboard] He made me ask twice. [pulls of mask] Is the mask muffling my voice?"

"You're about to be killed... by a Zamboni!"

"[when entering a taxi cab] And we all know how this turned out. [scene fast-forwards VHS-like past the fighting scene, up to Wade Wilson on a bed, masturbating with a toy unicorn in his free hand] Whoops! Heh, you weren't meant to see that! [scene fast-forwards all the way to where the actual movie left off with Deadpool lying in a pile of garbage in a truck] There. All caught up."

"[to a henchwoman] This is confusing! Is it sexist to hit you? Is it more sexist to not hit you? I mean, the line gets real [cocks his pistol] blurry!"

"TELL ME WHERE YOUR FUCKING BOSS IS, OR YOU'RE GONNA DIE! [we see how slowly the Zamboni is moving; he's actually about half the rink away from his victim] IN FIVE MINUTES!"

"[puts a red-hot car cigarette lighter onto henchman's forehead, then shoves it into the henchman's mouth] I've never said this, but don't swallow."

"You may be wondering, "Why the red suit?" Well, that's so bad guys can't see me bleed. [Points to a henchman] This guy's got the right idea! He wore the brown pants."

"[after skewering and lifting a henchman with his katanas] You're probably thinking, "My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie, but that guy in the red suit just turned that other guy into a fucking kebab!" Well, I may be super, but I'm no hero. And yeah, technically this is a murder. But some of the best love stories start with a murder. And that's exactly what this is: a love story. And to tell it right, I gotta take you back to long before I squeezed this ass into red spandex…"

"[after successfully killing a henchman and puts his katanas away] Now, if I were a 200 pound sack of assholes named Francis, where would I hide?"

"[to Colossus] Listen! The day I decide to become a crime-fighting shit-swizzler, who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners at the Neverland Mansion of some creepy, old, bald, Heaven's Gate-looking motherfucker, on THAT DAY... I'll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request! 'Till then, I'mma do what I came here to do. Either that, or slap the bitch outta you!"

"All the dinosaurs feared the T-Rex! [after breaking both of his wrists trying to punch Colossus, causing his hands to flop around and resemble T-Rex arms]"

"You ever see 127 Hours? Spoiler alert. [Saws his hand off to escape from being handcuffed to Colossus] [Negasonic Teenage Warhead: [notices Wade cutting his arm off; disgusted] Oh, my God. Nasty.] [blood splats on Colossus' face] Oh, there's the money shot, baby. [Colossus gags in disgust] [looks at camera] "Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret". [He finally finishes cutting off his hand, and jumps off into an oncoming dump truck below, leaving his severed hand on the handcuff, giving the middle finger to Colossus.]"

"[before the final battle with Ajax] Time to make the chimi-fuckin'-changas!"

"Not often a dude ruins your face, skull-stomps your sanity, grabs your future baby mama, and personally sees to four of your five shittiest moments. Let's just say… it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas."

"[after realizing he forgot his guns; he tries calling the cab driver, but gets his voicemail instead] [angrily] Goddammit! [calmly] Looks like I'm gonna do this the old-fashioned way: with two swords, [cricks neck] and maximum effort. Cue the music."

"[Sees Angel Dust preparing to jump down] Superhero landing! She's gonna do a superhero landing, wait for it! [Angel Dust jumps down and lands in a crouch on one knee with a fist on the ground, Iron Man-style] [Claps] Wooo! Superhero landing! You know, that's really hard on your knees. Totally impractical, they all do it."

"[after landing, Angel Dust toward Deadpool] You're a lovely lady, but I'm saving myself for Francis. That's why I brought him. [sends Colossus to face Angel Dust] [Colossus: I prefer not to hit a woman, so please...] [Angel Dust effortlessly knocks him away] I mean... that's why I brought... her? [looks at Negasonic Teenage Warhead, who is texting on her phone, holding up the index finger in her free hand so Deadpool will wait] Oh no, finish your tweet. It's not... It's not fa... Just give us a second. There ya go, hashtag it. [she throws her phone to Deadpool] Go get 'em, tiger. [Negasonic Teenage Warhead rushes and triggers her powers, which burn off her coat as she tackles Angel Dust into a container] Oh, I so pity the dude who pressures her into prom-sex."

"[during the gunfight at the abandoned Helicarrier] Look away, child. [N.T.W. doesn't [angrily] LOOK AWAY! [N.T.W. does, and Deadpool pulls his underwear out from his suit's crotch, groaning in pain]"

"[voiceover; while he and Vanessa kiss passionately] See? You don't need to be a superhero to get the girl. The right girl will bring out the hero in you. Now, let's finish this epic wide shot. Pull out. There we go, that looks nice. It's gonna be about the only thing that's pullin' out tonight. Who doesn't love a happy ending, huh? Until next time, this is your friendly neighborhood Pool guy singin', ♪ I'm never gonna dance again, the way I danced with you, oh-oh. ♪"

"[in a post-credits scene, Wade walks by an empty hallway before noticing the camera] You're still here? It's over. Go home. Oh, you're expecting a teaser for Deadpool 2. Well, we don't have that kind of money. What were you expecting? Sam Jackson to show up with an eyepatch and a saucy little leather number? Go. Go. [He walks away. Credits resume. Cut back to Deadpool] Oh. But I can tell you one thing, and it's a bit of a secret: For the sequel, we're gonna have Cable. Amazing character. Bionic arm, time travel. We have no idea who we're gonna cast yet, but it could be anybody. Just need a big guy with a flat top. Could be Mel Gibson, Dolph Lundgren... Keira Knightley- she's got range, who knows? Anyway, big secret. Shh. Oh, and don't leave your garbage all lying around. It's a total dick move. Go. [walks away, pops his head back in] Chicka chi-kaah! [End of film]"

"[From trailer] I've played a lot of roles. "Damsel-in-distress" ain't one of them!"

"[after Wade's diagnosis] I just realized something: You win. Your life is officially way more fucked up than mine."

"[seeing Deadpool's scarred face for the first time] After a brief adjustment period and a bunch of drinks, it's a face…I'd be happy to sit on."

"I was a patient here once myself, you know. The treatment affects everyone differently. It made Angel inhumanly strong. In my case, it enhanced my reflexes. Also scorched my nerve endings, so I no longer feel pain. In fact, I no longer feel anything."

"This is how it's going to work. Adrenaline acts as a catalyst for the serum, so we're going to have to make you suffer. If you're lucky, your mutant genes will activate and manifest in spectacular fashion. If not, well, we'll have to keep hurting you. In new and different ways, each more painful than the last. Until you finally mutate. Or die."

"You know the funniest part of all this? You still think we're making you a superhero. You, a dishonorable discharge, hip-deep in hookers? You're nothing. Little secret, Wade: this workshop doesn't make superheroes, we make super slaves. We're gonna fit you with a control collar and auction you off to the highest bidder. Who knows what they'll have you do? Terrorizing citizens, putting down freedom fighters... maybe just mow the occasional lawn."

"[repeated line] What's my name?"

"Why don't you do us all a favor and shut the fuck up, or I'll sew your pretty mouth shut?"

"You don't wanna kill me. I'm the only one who can fix your ugly mug!"

"Fucking Wade Wilson. Suppose I'd wear a mask, too, if I had a face like that. I only wish I'd heal the same."

"Oh, and that guy over there came in looking for you. Real "Grim Reaper" type. I dunno, might further the plot."

"Deadpool. That sounds like a fucking franchise."

"[To Ajax and Angel Dust, when they leave his bar] You don't want any clothes that are not monochromatic? Enjoy your midnight showing of Blade II."

"Wade, we have a fucking problem, and by "we", I mean "you"."

"[When Deadpool leaves for the climatic fight] I'd go with you...but I don't want to."

"[To Blind Al, after Deadpool leaves, saying he hid a stash of cocaine] Wanna get fucked up?"

"Mr. Wilson. Nothing warms my heart more than a change of someone else's. You finally hit "fuck it"."

"With great power comes great irresponsibility."

"Witness the beginning of a happy ending"

"Bad ass. Smart ass. Great ass."

"A new class of superhero."

"Sit on this"

"Wait 'til you get a load of me"

"Size matters"

"Feel the love this Valentine's Day"

"Justice has a new face"

"[to April] Do NOT say a word about this to anyone. If you do, we will find you. April O'Neil."

"I think this is it, guys!"

"All these years you told us we were rescued from the fire by a great guardian spirit, a hogosha."

"[from trailer] We were created as weapons, and we knew the world would never accept us... but one day, it would need us."

"[on a subway] All aboard! [attacks the Foot]"

"[takes the phone out of Raph's hand] How many times do I have to tell you? We don't break things, we fix them. Donnie already wiped the pic, genius! Problem solved! Moving on!"

"Guys, did you see? I totally talked to a girl!"

"[taps a rhythm on his nunchuks] MC Mikey!"

"[smashes through a Foot SUV and grabs the wheel] Hey, I'm drivin'!"

"Please keep your hands and feet inside the shell at all times!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Chill! It's just a mask, see? Don't freak out. [takes off his mask] Right?"

"[doing a handstand on a swivel chair] Guys, I'm in the zone! There's literally nothing that can break me right now! [Splinter tosses a pizza at Michelangelo] Starting to crack..."

"[from trailer] I always wanted to try this... [uses his staff as a fulcrum to tip over a moving SUV]"

"[wakes up April] Ma'am, can you hear me? Do you know what city you're in? Do you know where you are?"

"Oh my Gosh, they have guns!"

"[after disabling the toxic bomb's detonator on Sachs Tower] BAM! System disabled! Who wants Italian? I'm buying! Tiramisu for everybody!"

"[knocks down the Shredder] Cowabunga."

"[from trailer; to Leo] Why are you always telling me what to do? [punches out a Foot Ninja behind Leonardo]"

"[from trailer; faces Shredder] Come on!"

"Let's do it for Sensei!"

"Let's go save my brothers!"

"My sons, your training is not yet complete. But you will become the warriors that legends are made of."

"Listen closely, April. I don't remember a time before living in that laboratory. That fateful night started like any other: Sachs gave us our injections, your father made sure our vital signs were strong, and you as always provided us with a special treat. After the brothers went to sleep, I heard loud voices... it was the smell of smoke. Alarms sounded. Your father had discovered the truth behind the man he was working for. He set fire to the lab; his last breath was taken trying to destroy Shredder's plan. I was terrified. But then you appeared, and ushered us to safety. I never had a voice, then. But I thank you now, April."

"Like all children, they were drawn to the distractions of popular culture. And I knew, one day they would want to explore the world above. [remembers the young turtles dancing to Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl"] They would be ridiculed. They would need to learn to protect themselves, both mentally and physically. [while sweeping, Splinter finds a book on ninjutsu] And then I found a way. First, I would teach myself the ancient art of ninjutsu. The others followed my lead, accelerating at a wondrous rate. Their gift was also their passion; they lived, breathed and dreamed of martial arts. Then, they were ready."

"[in Japanese] Tonight I dine on turtle soup!"

"[to Karai] I do not believe in fairy tales."

"All these years, I have been seeking to recreate the mutagen, and you... you just handed it to me."

"[beats the Turtles] Enough! The lesson is over."

"Raphael, glad you can join us. The 4th cage is for you!"

"Eric Sachs: I'm going to be rich! Like, stupid rich!"

"Karai: We know you're out there! If you don't surrender, we start executing hostages!"

"Taylor: Mom, can I move back home?"

"Bernadette Thompson: There are four 6-foot talking turtles walking around New York City, and no one has seen them but you?"

"The leader. The brains. The attitude. And Mikey."

"Mysterious. Dangerous. Reptilious. You've never seen heroes like this."

"Meet the new face of justice."

"Brothers become legends."

"Stephanie Lemelin — April"

"Will Arnett — Vern"

"Bill Fichtner — Sacks"

"Rob Paulsen — Hamato Yoshi"

"Abby Elliott — Taylor"

"Ben Stiller — Mikey"

"Antonio Magro — Donnie"

"Josh Gad — Leo"

"Tom McGrath — Raph"

"As one of our founding members said, "This is not the end. It is not the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.""

"Hey, hey. Looking good, Merlin."

"Got the passes from my contact. You're gonna love Glastonbury."

"This ain't funny. Roxy is dead! Everyone's dead! Gone!"

"[After he and Harry stuff Whiskey into the meat grinder] Put Alpha Gel on that, dickhead."

"You know, my momma... she always told me, "Us Southerners get our good manners from the British." I was thinkin', "Ain't that a pity? Y'all ain't keepin' none for yourself.""

"Oh, that'll make you wanna slap your mama right there, boy."

"My drugs are everywhere. They were never my thing, but here I am, running the biggest drug cartel in the world. The only downside is having to live in the middle of nowhere. You know, these ruins are technically undiscovered. I just added a few touches to remind me of home. I grew up on all that awesome '50s nostalgia. Grease, American Graffiti, Happy Days. But I digress. The thing you need to understand is the hard work and ingenuity it took to achieve a global monopoly on the drug trade. And that's all on me. Not to toot my own horn. I just think it's really important for new recruits to understand the history of The Golden Circle."

"Colin Firth — Harry Hart / Galahad I"

"Julianne Moore — Poppy Adams"

"Taron Egerton — Gary "Eggsy" Unwin / Galahad II"

"Mark Strong - Merlin"

"Halle Berry - Ginger Ale"

"Elton John - Himself"

"Channing Tatum - Agent Tequila"

"Jeff Bridges - Champagne / "Champ""

"Pedro Pascal - Jack Daniels / Agent Whiskey"

"[narrating while he is shown blowing himself up] FUCK Wolverine! First he rides my coattails with the R-rating, then the hairy motherfucker ups the ante by dying! What a dick! Well, guess what, Wolvie? I'm dying in this one too."

"[narrating while executing Russian criminals] I know what you're thinking: "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." But that's where you'd be wrong. That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now. And believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. True story. And every good family film starts with a vicious murder. Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7... [a guy on fire runs around screaming] Holy shit-pickles, that guy's on fire! That's not CGI, folks, he's really on fire. Yeah."

"Is it just me or does "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?" from Frozen sound suspiciously like "Papa, Can You Hear Me?" from Yentl? [singing] "Papa, can you hear me?" [spoken] And nobody fucking realizes it."

"[while going around the X-Mansion using Professor X's wheelchair] All these elderly white men on the walls. Should have brought my rape whistle. [in the Super Duper Cut: All these old guys on the wall. Who lives here, Calista Flockhart?] [chuckles and knocks busts onto the floor, breaking them] Those were already damaged after they fell there!"

"Nobody knows, but rumor has it that they keep a monster in the basement. Right next to [turns to viewer] huge, steaming hot bowl of foreshadowing."

"[riding around the X-Mansion on Professor X's wheelchair] What am I supposed to do around here, anyway? Sit in a share circle, talk about my feelings? And how would I do that, exactly, 'cause... where the heck is everyone? It's always just you and Negasonic Teenage-Longest-Name-Ever- [Colossus (grabbing Wade by the shoulder): Enough!] I said no touching. [Colossus throws him off the wheelchair and onto the floor] What the... fuck! You'd think the studio would throw us a bone – one that doesn't end up in my mouth. The first movie made more money than the guy who invented pants. But they can't just dust off one of the famous X-Men? How 'bout that putz with the giant pigeon wings? What do those do anyway, huh? [cut to behind Wade; Cyclops, Storm, Nightcrawler, Beast, Quicksilver and Professor X are actually in an adjoining room. Beast quickly closes the door without Wade noticing] Carry him three feet off the ground to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb? No, no, no, no, no. No."

"[after Firefist starts a fight in the Ice Box] We're not partners or friends. This doesn't end with us riding into the sunset, it ends with me dying of cancer, and you winning the Ice Box award for softest mouth. There's only one person in this world that I care about, and she's gone. You wanna survive? Stop trying to shank the biggest guys in here, and make friends with them. Make friends with someone. Anyone but me. Maybe even Black Tim... Black Evan? I don't know. All I remember is, he was African-American."

"[To Cable] You're so dark! You sure you're not from the DC Universe? I love dubstep!"

"In every film, there's a moment when the hero hits rock bottom. In Cool Runnings, it was when John Candy's prized bobsled broke. In Human Centipede, it was when those people signed on to be in that movie. But in this film, well, you're looking at it. Rock, meet bottom."

"[planning to rescue Firefist with the X-Force team] You all know the plan. Intercept the convoy, grab the boy, but not inappropriately!"

"[after the X-Force team is killed off accidentally in a series of random mishaps] Good news and bad news. Bad news is, the whole team is dead. The good news is, I don't think anyone is gonna miss Shatterstar. He was a bit of a prick."

"[to Domino via commlink] Seriously, I don't get it! What, you shoot luck lasers out your eyes? It's just hard to picture, and certainly not very cinematic. I mean, luck? What coked-out, glass pipe-sucking freakshow comic book artist came up with that little chestnut?! Probably a guy who can't draw feet! [all the while, Domino is running through traffic while a series of accidents happen around her without harming her]"

"Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willie."

"[after Cable shoots Black Tom Cassidy] YOU KILLED BLACK TOM, YOU RACIST SON OF A BITCH!"

"I'll be the first to admit: this did not go according to plan. I'll also be the first to admit that that plan was written in crayon. Looks like Russell found a new friend. Turns out Domino is a bit of a badass and maybe possibly mildly lucky. But Cable, yeesh, that guy's in the mood. A mood that is about to get significantly worse."

"[To Juggernaut] Hey, big guy! The sun's getting real low!"

"What do you get when you take eight feet of chrome, one pinch of courage, a cup of good luck, a dab of racism, a splash of diabetes, and a wheelbarrow full of Stage 4 Cancer? Answer: a family. See? I didn't lie what kinda film this was. If there's anything you need to take away today, other than the need to Google "What the fuck is dubstep?", it's that we all need to belong to someone."

"I hope you sharpened the cream cheese spreader. [throws the spreader onto a criminal who's about to shoot Vanessa, successfully killing him] I'll be right back. [uses Cable's time-travelling device; to Vanessa] We're definitely naming our kid Cher! WOOOOO!"

"[from trailer, at Cable's incomplete intro] What... in the actual ass?! DALE! W-why are the visual effects not done?! It's a metal arm! It's not like we're trying to remove a mustache!"

"[from trailer; playing with action figures] Zip it, Cable! I got the stones to help you! [teabags Cable's action figure with Deadpool's action figure]"

"[from trailer] Your time's up, you dumbass/dumbfuck."

"Hello, Russell."

"I guess dubstep never dies."

"I use a device to slide through time. The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. I got two charges: one to get me here, one to get me home."

"You remind me of my wife. [...] She always struggled. But she was funny, and filtered her pain through the prism of humor. Something I could never master."

"[referring to Future Firefist] He came into my home and took the only thing that made it a home. Sound familiar?"

"When this is over, I'm gonna fuck you to death with your own broken feet."

"Vanessa: Kiss me like you miss me, Red."

"Blind Al: Listen to the pain. It's both a history teacher and fortune teller. Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. Sometimes, it's so bad, we feel like we're dying. But we can't really live 'til we've died a little, can we?"

"Weasel: There you go, little fella. Go on, you're doing it! My beautiful, hairless, Twizzler-legged baby boy."

"Juggernaut: "Let's Fuck Some Shit Up" is my legal middle name."

"Good work, partners."

"What would Vin Diesel do? No regret, no fear. No regret, no fear. No regret, no fear!"

"[repeated line] This is awesome!"

"Oh, my god! Shredder did it. The portal is opening."

"[last words] I'll be back, Turtles! A thousand times stronger!"

"Megan Fox — April"

"Will Arnett — Vern"

"Laura Linney — Bureau Chief Vincent"

"Stephen Amell — Casey"

"Noel Fisher (motion-capture, voice) — Mikey"

"Jeremy Howard (motion-capture, voice) — Donnie"

"Pete Ploszek (motion-capture, voice) — Leo"

"Alan Ritchson (motion-capture, voice) — Raph"

"Tyler Perry — Dr. Stockman"

"Gary A. Williams — Bebop"

"Brian Tee — The Shredder"

"Sheamus — Rocksteady"

"Peter Badalamenti (motion-capture) Tony Shalhoub (voice) — Master Splinter"

"Brad Garrett — Krang"

"If I die, I'm going to do it stoned and smiling in my bed."

"Hey Phoebe! Phoebe? [[over intercom] Hey Phoebe. I just wanted to say that I love you and that everything is going to be okay. I mean, not perfect, obviously, but better. Like, we'll probably have to get a new house. And also cars. But I'm coming to get you and this will all be over. Soon-ish."

"Jesse Eisenberg - Mike Howell"

"Kristen Stewart - Phoebe Larson"

"Topher Grace - Adrian Yates"

"Connie Britton - Victoria Lasseter"

"Walton Goggins - Laugher"

"John Leguizamo - Rose"

"Bill Pullman - Raymond Krueger"

"Tony Hale - Petey Douglas"

"Lavell Crawford - Big Harold"

"Stuart Greer - Sheriff Watts"

"Monique Ganderton - Crane"

"There's your cot, don't jack off on my sheets."

"Who taught you how to drive? Stevie fucking Wonder?"

"You going night-night, bitch."

"Ronnie, I need your help. Because as much as I know about laptops, I don't know shit about computers..."

"Don't worry, summer is coming"

"Get your guard on"

"Go ahead and stare"

"Beaches ain't ready"

"Dwayne Johnson – Mitch Buchannon"

"Zac Efron – Matt Brody"

"Alexandra Daddario – Summer Quinn"

"Priyanka Chopra – Victoria Leeds"

"Kelly Rohrbach – C. J. Parker"

"Jon Bass – Ronnie Greenbaum"

"Hannibal Buress – Dave the Tech"

"Ilfenesh Hadera – Stephanie Holden"

"Yahya Abdul-Mateen II – Sgt. Ellerbee"

"Oscar Nunez – Councilman Rodriguez"

"Rob Huebel – Captain Thorpe"

"Amin Joseph – Frankie"

"Jack Kesy – Leon"

"Pamela Anderson – Casey Jean Parker"

"David Hasselhoff – Mitch Buchannon, the Mentor"

"[To Mike as they watch his granddaughter play basketball] The horse represents all of our fears and traumas and it's got us running around a hundred miles an hour to the point where we can't even answer a simple question: Where are you going? Where are you going Mike? ... You gotta take control of your life. You gotta grab the reins before your horse runs you off a cliff."

"Ride Together. Die Together."

"Will Smith — Mike"

"Martin Lawrence — Marcus"

"Paola Nunez — Rita"

"Vanessa Hudgens — Kelly"

"Alexander Ludwig — Dorn"

"Charles Melton — Rafe"

"Jacob Scipio — Armando"

"Kate de Castillo — Isabel"

"Nicky Jam — Zway-Lo"

"Joe Pantoliano — Captain Howard"

"Theresa Randle — Theresa"

"Happy Anderson — Jenkins"

"Dennis Greene — Reggie"

"Bianca Bethune — Megan"

"Khaled "DJ Khaled" Khaled — Manny"

"Of all the places I could be, I just want to be here with you."

"You think I'm weak don't you? All of those years ago when we first fell in love, your father would say I was too sweet for my own good. Maybe he was right. You tell me it's a cruel world, and we're all running around in circles. I know that. I've been on this earth just as many days as you. When I choose to see the good side of things, I'm not being naive. It is strategic and necessary. It's how I've learned to survive through everything. I know you see yourself as a fighter. Well, I see myself as one too. This is how I fight."

"Please! Please! Can we... can we just stop fighting? I know you are all fighting because you are scared and confused. I'm confused too. All day... I don't know what the heck is going on. But somehow, this feels like it's all my fault. I don't know. The only thing I do know is that we have to be kind. Please, be kind. Especially when we don't know what's going on."

"So, even though you have broken my heart yet again, I wanted to say, in another life, I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you."

"The universe is so much bigger than you realize."

"If nothing matters, then all the pain and guilt you feel for making nothing of your life goes away."

"Now, you may only see a pile of receipts, but I see a story. I can see where this story is going. And it does not look good. It. Does. Not. Look. Good."

"This is a life Free from destiny Not only what we sow Not only what we show This is a life (Every possibility) Free from destiny (I choose you, and you choose me)"

"This is a light Many lives that could've been (Free from entropy) Entangled for eternity"

"We find this life somehow alright This is a life Slow and sudden miracles View of other worlds From our window sills With the weight of eternity At the speed of light This is a life This is our life."

"A movie comes along that is accompanied with massive amounts of hype. Maybe it’s a critical darling, maybe it’s a commercial blockbuster, maybe it’s something in the middle, but one thing is clear — people are singing its praises early and often. And loudly. As a rule, these films tend to be excellent offerings, though perhaps not quite clearing the exceedingly high bar that has been set for them by the discourse. Occasionally, they prove to be something of a disappointment, leaving you wondering what so many people saw in them. But every once in a while, you get something that actually manages to outperform your already massive expectations. You get a film that is somehow even better than the people shouting its quality from the rooftops have led you to believe. You get a movie that is unlike anything you’ve seen before in the very best of ways. You get "Everything Everywhere All at Once.""

"Before it was a narrative convenience allowing for superhero crossovers, the idea of a multiverse — parallel worlds where alternative realities play out — was seen largely in films like Sliding Doors or Back to the Future. Everything Everywhere All At Once reclaims this concept for non-spandex cinema. … It details the myriad disappointments of Evelyn Wang (Michelle Yeoh), a Chinese-American matriarch who, she learns, represents a worst-case scenario for all of the infinite Evelyns in the multiverse. … Yet this movie’s meditations are far from somber. It owes more to The Matrix than its initial flow of family drama indicates.… Could it be 2022’s biggest word-of-mouth hit? We hope so."

"Michelle Yeoh – Evelyn Quan Wang, a dissatisfied and overwhelmed laundromat owner"

"Stephanie Hsu – Joy Wang / Jobu Tupaki, Evelyn's daughter"

"Ke Huy Quan – Waymond Wang, Evelyn's husband"

"James Hong – Gong Gong, Evelyn's father"

"Jamie Lee Curtis – Deirdre Beaubeirdra, an IRS inspector"

"Tallie Medel – Becky, Joy's girlfriend"

"Jenny Slate – Debbie the Dog Mom (a.k.a. "Big Nose"), a laundromat customer"

"Harry Shum Jr. – Chad, a teppanyaki chef working alongside Evelyn in an alternate universe."

"People think I'm just some young girl. Someone's future wife, or future mother. But I'm not in someone else's story. You're all in mine."

"[about Lemon, to the Prince] He was right. There's been a Diesel running up and down this train, causing all sorts of f***ing havoc, and it was you the whole time, you DIRTY LITTLE DIESEL!"

"The end of the line is just the beginning."

"Brad Pitt – Ladybug"

"– The Prince"

"– Tangerine"

"– Yuichi Kimura / The Father"

"– The Elder"

"– White Death"

"– The Wolf"

"Sandra Bullock – Maria Beetle"

"– The Hornet"

"– Train Conductor"

"Karen Fukuhara – Train Concession Girl"

"– Train Passenger"

"Ryan Reynolds – Carver"

"Hey! What's going on? I'm Teddy Jackson, and I welcome you guys to my first ever non-contact boxing class. It's called Teddy-box. It's all the "wow" without the "ow"."

"Welcome. Welcome to Teddybox. I, of course, am Teddy Jackson, and guess what? Here, the only opponent is yourself. Don't you forget it."

"I was raised by my grandfather on a frozen lake 50 miles from nowhere. He was a kind man. He taught me many useful things."

"Hitman meets Dead Man."

"Kevin Hart as Teddy"

"Woody Harrelson as "The Man from Toronto""

"Jasmine Mathews as Lori"

"as Agent Lawrence"

"as Agent Davis"

"Alejandro de Hoyos as Colonel Marin"

"as Daniela Marin"

"as The Handler"

"as "The Man from Miami""

"as "The Man from Tokyo""

"as "The Man from Moscow""

"Glenn Ennis, Justin Howell and Nathaniel Shuker as The Tacoma Brothers, collectively known as "The Man from Tacoma""

"as Agent Santoro"

"Martin Roach as Marty"

"[after destroying Peter's Christmas tree] I HATE CHRISTMAS!!"

"[to Peter] Everything I know about Christmas, I learned from Rocket, who learned from Cosmo, who learned from Kraglin, who learned from you. So I thought I might just take it back to the source and make sure I understand this all correctly. This is, after all, a historical document."

"I can’t believe not a single one of our new homies know where Kevin Bacon is. There are tens of thousands of people on this planet, and we don’t even know what Kevin Bacon looks like."

"There will be no coal in James Gunn’s stocking this year. His “Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special” is stuffed with funny, feel-good Christmas joy, and it’s one of the best pieces of content Marvel Studios has released in years."

"Chris Pratt — Peter Quill / Star-Lord"

"Dave Bautista — Drax the Destroyer"

"Karen Gillan — Nebula"

"Pom Klementieff — Mantis"

"Vin Diesel — Groot"

"Bradley Cooper — Rocket"

"Sean Gunn — Kraglin Obfonteri"

"The Old 97's — an alien band on Knowhere"

"Michael Rooker — Yondu Udonta"

"Kevin Bacon — a fictionalized version of himself"

"Yes, we were thieves. But I tried to hold us to a certain standard. We never harmed anyone and we only robbed from those who would feel it the least."

"When you're a Harper, you're bound to make enemies. Sometimes those enemies come looking for revenge."

"We must never stop failing, because the minute we do, we've failed."

"Oh, I've got a good feeling about Plan C. [eats a chicken leg]"

"The truth is even if this council was to sentence me to another 2 years, or 20 for that matter, it wouldn't be punishment enough for the worst crime I ever committed: robbing my daughter of her father. But know that if you do choose to free me, I'll spend the rest of my days tryna right that wrong."

"So many of my kin gave their lives in battle here. I'd always imagined I'd be buried in sacred ground like this."

"[about Xenk] I'm glad he's on our side."

"[after being revived] Don't tell me you've wasted it on me. Why would you do that?"

"[about Kira as she leaves the room] Give her time. She's had years to resent you for your absence."

"Now I'm in a pickle, because...I don't want to see you die. Which is why...I'm gonna leave the room."

"What a profound joy it is to welcome you, the good people of Neverwinter, to the resumption of the High Sun Games! [crowd cheers] I guarantee that you are in for the most riveting spectacle on all the Sword Coast. The rules are very simple: 5 harrowing challenges, 5 teams of champions. Whoever survives to reach the Cage of Sanctuary moves on to the next stage. One thing: I do urge you, please do not leave the arena till the close of the Games, as there will be a wonderful gift for each and every one of you! [crowd cheers again, he looks down] Alright, take me down. This is absurdly high. It's not what we discussed."

"One could argue that my actions, reprehensible though they were, led to a virtual renaissance for the city. And while I've only served the 1st year of my sentence, I have to say it has been...eye-opening. I have taken a look inside, and I've asked myself: "What's going on in there?". And, you know, I realized...a lot of it goes back to my mum. [flashback] She was a stern woman prone to fits and-- [interrupted by Chancellor Anderton, ending the flashback]"

"Simon Aumar: I'd sit too, but there's not enough room on the rock."

"Doric: I'm not doing this for the money. I'm doing this for people who took me in when no one else would."

"Xenk Yendar: Many lives were lost in defense of that helm. To speak of it would be to diminish their sacrifice."

"Kira Davis: [about Forge] I'm sorry I believed him."

"Sofina: You know not the scope of my power!"

"Chris Pine — Edgin Darvis"

"Michelle Rodriguez — Holga Kilgore"

"Regé-Jean Page — Xenk Yendar"

"Justice Smith — Simon Aumar"

"Sophia Lillis — Doric"

"Hugh Grant — Forge Fitzwilliam"

"Chloe Coleman — Kira Darvis"

"Daisy Head — Sofina"

"Jason Wong — Dralas"

"Last night, I had a dream about when we first met. We were criminals. Friends. And then we became the Guardians."

"I don't need another speech by some impotent whackjob whose mother didn't love him rationalizing why he needs to conquer the universe."

"It looks like... home. It's like a replica of Earth."

"(The High Evolutionary: So, you'd like to joust, would you?) Go to hell, you sick son of a bitch. You killed all those people!"

"We were gone for quite a while. But no matter what happens next, the galaxy still needs its guardians."

"We'll all fly away together... one last time... into the forever and beautiful sky."

"The name's Rocket. Rocket Raccoon."

"You didn't want to make things perfect. You just hated the way things were."

"DAMN IT, MANTIS! WHY DON'T YOU EVER THINK?!"

"I created you lot as merely an aesthetic experiment; beautiful numbskulls. But your egos have run wild."

"Find 89P13 and return it to me, or I will destroy your entire civilization, as is my right as your maker!"

"I'm not trying to conquer the universe. I'm perfecting it."

"BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT!!! That rancid word."

"THERE IS NO GOD! THAT'S WHY I STEPPED IN!"

"[mimics Rocket crying] All right, P13! You win the crying contest. Now back in the cage."

"They will die unless you BRING ME WHAT IS MINE!!!"

"[last words] Look what you done to me! For what? All I wanted to do, was to make things perfect."

"Who threw this thing at me?! Baby."

"Yes, there's something wrong with me! I was stabbed, you extraordinary phallus!"

"It looks sad. I really don't enjoy how that's making me feel, actually."

"I am the Warlock, mum, and I am done with being ordered around!"

"Mantis: Don't forget where we came from."

"Groot: I love you guys."

"Gamora: What are you so afraid of in yourself that I need to be something for you?! I don't give a shit about your Gamora. LIFE MADE ME ME!"

"Mantis: [yelling loudly] EXPLAINING IT, DICKHEAD!"

"Lylla: [last words before her death] Sky..."

"The legendary Star-Lord will return."

"Chris Pratt — Peter Quill"

"Zoë Saldaña — Gamora"

"Dave Bautista — Drax"

"Karen Gillan — Nebula"

"Pom Klementieff — Mantis"

"Vin Diesel — Voice of Groot"

"Bradley Cooper — Voice of Rocket"

"Sean Gunn — Kraglin, On-Set Rocket"

"Chukwudi Iwuji — The High Evolutionary"

"Will Poulter — Adam"

"Elizabeth Debicki — Ayesha"

"Sylvester Stallone — Stakar"

"Linda Cardellini — Voice of Lylla"

"Gregg Henry — Quill's Grandpa"

"Master Splinter has given us a very important mission for tonight. The target is across the street. We must use stealth and cunning to infiltrate the human world and retrieve... ."

"Look, we're really sorry, Splinter. Some of the guys wanted to see a movie, and I tried to talk them out of it."

"I mean, it's 2023, Mikey."

"I would love to have a champagne brunch with Tom Brady."

"We've prepared our whole lives for this."

"We eat danger for breakfast."

"Enough talk! I dream about fighting every night!"

"Let's try that again, but with ninja stars!"

"Just stop talking! You're ruining my concentration."

"Well, nothing we can do. You guys wanna grab a pizza?"

"If you're in high school you can totally hijack a parade."

"I'm awesome."

"Your head looks like Stewie had a baby with Hey Arnold!"

"You're fine, chill. He's going to die."

"I can't believe there are other mutants, like us!"

"We take out Superfly, and everyone will think we're cool. They'll accept us!"

"You are really driving these metaphors to the ground."

"Hey, why did we pick a fruit shaped exactly like my head?"

"You ratted us out!"

"Can we explain this over some pizza?"

"Hey, guys. If we weren't monsters that were shunned by society, and we could do what we wanted, what would you guys do?"

"[from trailer] 1 day, and 15 years ago, everything changed. We was covered in this ooze someone dumped in the sewers. Whatever this ooze was, it transformed us. It was weird, but we became a family."

"My son, Michelangelo, you have heart. Donatello, you have wisdom. Raphael, you have bravery. And Leonardo, honor."

"[to Michaelangelo] Hey! Don't use that word that way."

"[When a TCRI guard calls him Ratatouille] Don't call me Ratatouille."

"This is insane. Turtle. Mutant. Karate. Teens. I want to know everything about you."

"[from trailer] So you were baby turtles, who've made contact with mystery goo."

"Maybe you're not the only one who wants to be heroes so people like them."

"[upon seeing Superfly's gang of mutants] Oh my God, I'm going to win a Daytime Emmy..."

"Sorry, am I supposed to film all the stuff you do? Because a lot of it is dumb."

"Six in the morning police at my door."

"Y'all some little tortoises, huh?"

"[from trailer] You want to roll with us? Humans are never going to like us. So I decided to kill all the humans and let the mutants rule the earth."

"Man, I almost thought you were cool. See you in hell turtles."

"[Ray Fillet is singing a sad song] Ray Fillet, shut your mouth! If I wanted to listen to something sad, I'd go listen to some damn John Legend or something, man!"

"[when telling the turtles his and the other mutant's origins; Leo and Donnie say that Splinter hide them from the world] Well not me. That sound like a punk choice. Know what I did? I beat that fool down. Touched that chin. Molly-Whopped him! [slams his claw on the table] Whop! Whop! To an inch of his life! [crushes a ketchup bottle] BOP! That's when I decided to kill all the humans, and let the mutants rule the earth."

"[When the turtles suggest that they may not be on board with the plan to kill all humans] Well that would mean......That I was wrong about you. [ominous pauses] And ya'll not as cool as I thought you were. And that right there, piss me off! [stomps out a fire hydrant]"

"What the hell are y'all doing?! Man, stop this "Kumbaya" and "love each other" stuff! Kill them fools!"

"[punching Michelangelo with his small secondary arms] Surprise! Why you sockin' yourself?! Why you sockin' yourself?!"

"They smile in your face, all the time they wanna take your place!"

"[After mutating into Super Duper Fly] Oh, hell yeah! Look at me. Look at me! I ain't just Superfly, I'm Super Duper Fly! [chuckles] That's Missy Elliot Super Duper Fly!"

"Nicolas Cantu — Leonardo"

"Brady Noon — Raphael"

"Micah Abbey — Donatello"

"Shamon Brown Jr. — Michelangelo"

"Jackie Chan — Hamato Yoshi"

"Ayo Edebiri — April O'Neil"

"Maya Rudolph — Cynthia Utrom"

"— Superfly"

"Seth Rogen — Bebop"

"John Cena — Rocksteady"

"Rose Byrne — Leatherhead"

"Natasia Demetriou — Wingnut"

"Austin Malone — Ray Fillet"

"Hannibal Buress — Genghis Frog"

"Paul Rudd — Mondo Gecko"

"Giancarlo Esposito — Dr. Baxter Stockman"

"I can't pull off a spy mission."

"It's called a cliffhanger, Mother."

"I'm in some really big trouble, Mom."

"So when you feel that fear remember; to focus on the only thing that's real. What's right in front of you."

"Oh, my God. You're Elly freaking Conway. I am such a fan!"

"Whoa! There's a cat in there."

"I love this book!"

"What you wrote in your new book actually happened, and you kicked a hornet's nest you didn't even know existed."

"God, I hate that cat."

"You're a terrorist."

"See? I was telling the truth."

"Not a real fan. Don't worry. I have it all under control."

"It seems we serve the same master."

"I certainly hope you dance as well as you dress."

"You and I, we're not so different."

"Not many men have your courage."

"The greater the spy, the bigger the lie."

"Once you know the secret, don't let the cat out of the bag."

"Bryce Dallas Howard – Elly Conway"

"Catherine O'Hara – Ruth Conway"

"– Agent Aubrey Argylle"

"Sofia Boutella – Saba Al-Badr"

"Dua Lipa – LaGrange"

"John Cena – Wyatt"

"– Alfred Solomon"

"Chip – Alfie"

"G'day! I'm Steve Irwin! You might know me as the Crocodile Hunter! Have a look at this little beauty, will ya? [appears at the Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios logo] This is an African lion! Oh, I'm in no danger, he's become a Hollywood lion! He's been sitting in this MGM logo for 77 years! Tough job, mate. Of course, in my new movie, The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course, we make this bloke look like a real pussycat! Yeah, the lion may be the apex predator in Africa, but in Australia, crocs rule! Everything about Collision Course is big, REAL BIG! But there's one big problem... [to the Lion] It's you, mate! He's too tame! Come on, get out of there ya little devil! [a crocodile now appears in the MGM logo] Crikey! Now that's more like it! Steady, mate, steady..."

"Our job is to locate the croc, jump it, try and get it into the boat and then relocate it into a section of the river where it'll never run into a conflict with people again. Now, it's not the croc's fault. He doesn't come into our swimming pool. We're actually going into his. They're apex predators right at the top of the food chain and without crocodiles, the whole ecosystem would suffer. We've got to catch this croc. Otherwise, they'll shoot it dead and turn it into boots, bags and belts."

"It's CROC savin' time!"

"You know, those army blokes seemed pretty upset about their metal ball. They reckoned it was real valuable. Of all the gear those blokes get to play with, you'd think a kid's top would be the last thing they'd need. And that grumpy rancher has joined the Fauna and Fisheries Department as a volunteer. But she's still having a little bit of trouble dealing with crocodiles. And check this out. The US government gave us those two pesky poachers to work at Australia Zoo for nothing! And I reckon, after I give them a full Steve-o education, we'll be able to return them back to the wild where they belong. And that crocodile's happy. Real happy. He's now got himself a couple of gorgeous- looking Sheilas. Well, we're back to our adventure. See ya."

"A lot of people think that snakes are evil, ugly monsters that cruise around killing people."

"Steve's been catching crocodiles this way with his dad since he was a small boy. But the real dangerous part is judging the size of the croc before jumping it."

"The two blokes look like they've never been out of an office. The girl might chip a fingernail if she's not careful."

"[on the phone] You mean that guy in the Khaki Shorts? That dude from the Discovery Channel?"

"His First Big-Screen Adventure!"

"This Summer Crocs Rule"

"Steve Irwin – Himself"

"Terri Irwin – Herself"

"Magda Szubanski - Brozzie Drewitt"

"David Wenham - Ranger Sam Flynn"

"Aden Young - Ron Buckwhiler"

"Steve Bastoni - Deputy Director Reynolds"

"Lachy Hulme - Robert Wheeler"

"Kenneth Ransom - Vaughn Archer"

"Steve Vidler - Department Director Ansell"

"Kate Beahan - Jo Buckley"

"Robert Coleby - Dr. Weinberger"

"Timothy Bottoms - U.S. President George W. Bush"

"An Englishman never jokes about a wager, sir."

"And furthermore, you play an abominable game of whist. Good day, sir."

"You are allowing your native imperturbability to be swept away by a spate of mounting hysteria."

"He is not a professional man and he isn't in trade. He has no family connections or background worth mentioning. He doesn't go in for hunting, or fishing, or...wenching."

"What kind of foreigner are you? Maybe a hoochie-coochie dancer?"

"Jules Verne wrote a book about going around the world in 80 days. He even predicted it could be done in 80 hours. Today it can be done in less than half that time. But each journey must have an end. Speed is good only when wisdom leads the way. The end of this journey whether to the high horizons of hope or the depths of destruction will be determined by the collective wisdom of the people who live on this shrinking planet."

"Jules Verne wrote many books. He was able to transfer his soaring imagination to print. His predictions were bold. What he wrote was regarded as fantastic fiction but much of it has become fact. Flying machines, submarines, television, rockets. But not even his imagination could shrink the earth to the point it has now reached."

"Man has devised a method of destroying most of humanity or of lifting it up to high plateaus of prosperity and progress never dreamed of by the boldest dreamers."

"Stationmaster: I'll be darned if I understand you city folks. Always rushing, rushing, rushing. Always thinking about the future. No wonder you have stomach trouble."

"Saloon Hostess: [to Phineas Fogg, as he is leaving the saloon] You still in a hurry? I thought the English were calm, dreamy sort of people."

"It's a wonderful world, if you'll only take the time to go around it!"

"See everything in the World worth seeing! Do everything in the World worth doing!"

"The global adventure that began on a bet!"

"David Niven - Phileas Fogg"

"Cantinflas - Passepartout"

"Shirley MacLaine - Princess Aouda"

"Robert Newton - Inspector Fix"

"Edward R. Murrow - the prologue narrator"

"Noël Coward - Roland Hesketh-Baggott, London employment agency manager"

"Sir John Gielgud - Foster"

"Charles Boyer - Monsieur Gasse, balloonist"

"Charles Coburn - a Hong Kong steamship company clerk"

"Peter Lorre - a steward on the SS Carnatic"

"Gilbert Roland - Achmed Abdullah"

"Cesar Romero - Abdullah's henchman"

"George Raft - the bouncer of the Barbary Coast Saloon"

"Red Skelton - a drunk at the saloon"

"Marlene Dietrich - the saloon hostess"

"John Carradine - Col. Stamp Proctor of San Francisco"

"Frank Sinatra - the saloon pianist"

"Buster Keaton - a train conductor (San Francisco to Fort Kearney)"

"Be a cactus. No big moves. No big moves. Be a cactus"

"Yeah. You know that power you felt? That's from the land"

"It's the sub-lie of the first original lie."

"When I was six, my mom and I fled our country... on a raft... worse than you can imagine. The sun, the waves, sharks, people screaming, crying. I was terrified. Everyone was. They wanted to go back, but... [scoffs] ...my mom was so strong. She kept us all going for five days, until we made it. [Chuckles] And I still remember how they looked at her on the beach. I just, you know, wanted to be like her, strong and brave. So that's the day I decided I was never going to be afraid ever again. And I'm not."

"[Driving truck through perilious mountain pass with assassins in pursuit] Cole! Are you comfortable?!"

"Edna gave me a hand. She was high."

"Oh, London, the Lady in the Mist [Corrected by daughter]... The Gray Lady. [Corrected by daughter again]..."

"[Repeated line] Did you tell her you wrestled in high school?"

"Fiona was a bitch. You're a hopeless romantic, just like your mom."

"He just got back from having sex with a stranger, not fighting the Germans."

"[Finishing father's sentence regarding Cole] Smothering, needy, pathetic, desperate, delusional... Yeah, stuff like this. The stupid gifts, the constant texting. I mean, that's why things never worked out with Fiona."

"What is this? You took a selfie in bed while she was asleep? Dude, that's weird. That's what serial killers do before they kill their victims and harvest their eyelids!"

"Emoji stuff counts. He is gonna blow it. Mark my words."

"Oh, no, no, no, I meant with your life. You know, grow a pair, move out of your parents' house... [Answering father's question] There is. He came off way too strong, so she ghosted him... [Father inquires about the term "ghosting] Yeah. It's when someone breaks off all contact. For example, let's just say a young lady makes a horrible, horrible mistake one night, and then the guy just keeps on texting her with emojis, over and over."

"[Regarding Cole's asthma attack] Sorry. You "did the-leave-behind-your-inhaler"? Come on. Isn't your asthma sad enough already?"

"That is my point exactly, Cole. You missed spring break to get a stupid voucher, which you never used. I mean, that is the type of guy you are."

"Especially if she's the one who ghosted you... Oh, right. An international art curator, doesn't have an overseas calling plan. That's very unusual. [stammers] Talking of romantic gestures, what's that you got in the back then, hey? Is it a little cactus, is it?"

"Chris Evans as Cole Turner"

"Ana de Armas as Sadie Rhodes"

"Adrien Brody as Leveque"

"Mike Moh as Wagner"

"Tate Donovan as Cole's dad"

"Amy Sedaris as Cole's mom"

"Lizze Broadway as Mattie Turner, Cole's sister"

"Mustafa Shakir as Monte Jackson"

"Anthony Mackie as the Grandson of Sam"

"John Cho as the Leopard"

"Sebastian Stan as God, a bounty hunter"

"Ryan Reynolds as Jonas"

"Anna Deavere Smith as Claudia Yates"

"Tim Blake Nelson as Borislov"

"Tiya Sircar as Patti"

"Stephen Park as Utami"

"There are many stories of chivalry where the heroic knight saves the damsel in distress. This is not one of them."

"The land I come from is exactly how your mother explained. Harsh and barren. The union will save us. I've made my peace with it. My happiness is a small price to pay for the future of my people."

"[To the glowing worm after pulling them off her now healed wound] I'm deeply sorry for underestimating you."

"This is the end of your story."

"I'm through being told what to do."

"[To Lady Bayford] You're the only person I trust to look after our people mother. [They hug]"

"You're Elodie. You can do anything."

"I am the sacrifice."

"First impressions are everything."

"It seems even the harshest clime can grow the fairest flowers."

"If you want these people to think we belong here, you can't act so easily impressed."

"It seems your family need money. My family needs a bride. What we don't need is more family."

"[To Elodie] Welcome, princess. For generations, it has been our task, our duty, to protect these people. The price is dear, but so too the reward."

"So, tonight, you join a long line of women who have helped build this kingdom."

"It is this sacrifice we commemorate every generation. A tradition going back centuries. Your hand, child. A legacy of honor and duty you now inherit, Princess Elodie of Aurea. Let our two lines mingle and fast become one. She is now of royal blood."

"A prince protects his kingdom, without hesitation or complaint."

"[To Elodie] You know nothing of what we've endured. You know nothing of our story."

"[To Elodie] I have made a match. A prince."

"[To Elodie] We need this. Our stores are empty. We will not make it to the thaw. Your people need you. This is who we are."

"Elodie. Can you hear me? I have made a horrible, horrible mistake. To sacrifice the one thing I love most. To trade your life for the good of my people. I thought I could take the gold. That I could live with myself. My choice. But I can't. I can't."

"These people, I don't trust them. It's hard to explain, but a mother knows these things."

"They may be royalty, but that doesn't make them good people."

"[Reading Elodie's letter] "I hope you'll get to know my heart.""

"[To Elodie, before he tosses into the dragon's lair] Close your eyes. I've got you. I'm sorry."

"[To Elodie] I want what is promised. What is owed. Every generation, your kind must pay. The scent of royalty betrays you. It's in your blood. Now, my favorite part. Run."

"This story ends the same."

"There is no way out princess. Not for any of you. Three were taken. Three must be given."

"[To the first King of Aurea after his men slayed her newborn dragonlets] Death is not enough for you. You must know my pain."

"[Sounding out] El... o... die... Accept your fate, as I have mine. We are to die alone."

"Millie Bobby Brown as Elodie"

"Ray Winstone as Lord Bayford"

"Angela Bassett as Lady Bayford"

"Brooke Carter as Floria"

"Nick Robinson as Prince Henry"

"Robin Wright as Queen Isabelle"

"Milo Twomey as King Roderick"

"Nicole Joseph as Princess Victoria"

"Patrice Naiambana as Chamberlain"

"Ulli Ackermann as Knight"

"Mens-Sana Tamakloe as Knight"

"Ezra Faroque Khan as Local Guide"

"Tasha Lim as Prince Henry's Bride"

"Brogan Mcfarlane as Princess (as Brogan McFarlane)"

"Sonya Nisa as Princess"

"Esther Odumade as Princess"

"Margarita Ren as Princess"

"Taylor Eloise Shephard Taylor as Princess"

"Szofia Sallia as Princess"

"Matt Slack as King"

"Manon Stieglitz as Red Priestess"

"António Craveiro as Bishop (as Antonio Craveiro)"

"Shohreh Aghdashloo as Dragon (voice)"

"[Narrating] People think dreams are an escape. A chance to slip away from waking life to a world with no consequence. But that's not true. Your dreams don't just happen. We make them happen. And we design them with care just for you. We have our reasons, and we have our rules. We make your dreams to help you on your journey. And where this one's going, she's gonna need all the help she can get."

"It's all about misdirection."

"Jason Momoa as Flip"

"Marlow Barkley as Nemo"

"Chris O'Dowd as Philip"

"Kyle Chandler as Peter"

"Cameron Nicoll as Young Philip"

"Antonio Raine Pastore as Young Peter (as Antonio Pastore)"

"Weruche Opia as Agent Green"

"India de Beaufort as Ms. Arya"

"Chris D'Silva as Jamal"

"Yanna McIntosh as Carla"

"Jacob So as Emmett"

"Izaak Smith as Canadian Guy"

"Michael Blake as Accountant"

"Humberly González as Graciela"

"Who Killed Captain Alex: the Ugandan first action-packed movie."

"Ugandan Bruce Lee. We call him - Bruce U."

"[mocking woman] Will you marry me? [mocking Alex] I prefer men. [woman] What? No!"

"Everybody in Uganda knows kung fu!"

"[mocking soldiers] I'm making German food. German food? We found German tourists. We are cooking them. Oh. Very, very good. Save me the head... like Predator!"

"Then who killed Captain Alex? Who?!"

"[talking to corrupt official] You can't intimidate me. And know this, you diarrhea squirt: I will get my brother back."

"[Confronting an alligator] Begone, gator. I rebuke you! [Alligator backs away] See, Mike, that's how you command the universe. [Alligator attacks Marcus] That motherfucker racist, Mike! That motherfucker racist!"

"[In a flaming van] Everybody relax, the fire's on the outside... now it's on the inside!"

"[Entering a trailer park] It's like redneck Jurassic Park in here!"

"[On video] You're my bad boys. Now clear my name."

"You should be careful. You're playing a game and you don't even know the rules. There's dirty players on your side."

"Y'all are some terrible fucking fugitives."

"Will Smith as Mike Lowrey"

"Martin Lawrence as Marcus Burnett"

"Vanessa Hudgens as Kelly"

"Alexander Ludwig as Dorn"

"Paola Núñez as Rita"

"Eric Dane as McGrath"

"Ioan Gruffudd as Lockwood"

"Jacob Scipio as Armando"

"Melanie Liburd as Christine"

"Tasha Smith as Theresa"

"Rhea Seehorn as Judy"

"Tiffany Haddish as Tabitha"

"Joe Pantoliano as Captain Howard"

"On the run: Bad Boys-style."

"You didn’t hear about the Winnipeg trade? I’m the new man up in this bitch."

"You made an assumption based on [indicates his skin color] this that I did not like hockey."

"What are you staring at? What is this, a union job? Well, we don't give OSHA breaks here. Move, bitch!"

"Seriously, this is your squad car? You know, part of me rather get locked up for resisting arrest than get put in this little Fisher Price motherfucker y'all are rolling around in. Y'all are the LEGO cops."

"[picking up on Bobby and his daughter's relationship] Have you two had intercourse?"

"The point that I'm trying to make, is that when I do something like try to teach you how to get out of handcuffs, that's the same as another parent when they take their kid to the ballgame or giving their kids a slinky, you know?"

"You're my only child, right? And I've only been a father as long as you've been a daughter. We're making this up as we go along, we both are."

"I do some of my best work when I'm suspended."

"Bobby, I'm from Detroit; for me, this is like going to Buffalo Wild Wings. [seconds later] This is nothing like Buffalo Wild Wings."

"[after tricking Grant into thinking he escaped through the air-vents] You watch too many movies."

"I think you're being a touch negative, because, see, men are trying to kill us, Bobby, and you're a helicopter pilot. And I'm pretty sure that's a fucking helicopter. Shall we?"

"[on Bobby flying a helicopter] This shit's supposed to be like riding a bike!"

"I will shoot you in your face if you don’t fly this helicopter! I will shoot you then Imma shoot myself because I ain’t dying in no helicopter crash!"

"I can see you have layers. Like an onion."

"Look, Mr. Foley, I appreciate you’ve been doing this a long time. But the world has changed a bit. You can’t just sit across the desk from another male and say something to threaten my manhood and think I’m just going to get so flustered with insecurity I forget what we were talking about. Bet that’s worked a lot for you in the past, but it’s not gonna work with me."

"[to Axel] You have a hard time admitting you need help."

"I guess you don't wanna solve this one, huh, Chief? You just wanna manage it."

"I mean, I'm fine, but I think it's healthy to be a little bit nervous walking into a bar full of guns."

"Well, used to be you could get around a warrant with a little creative writing, but in the current climate? We have to be so careful about everything we say, everything we do -- it helps to have somebody outside the official chain of command."

"Asshole almost broke my fibula, and I thought I was never gonna walk again. You know what I got for that? A pat on the back and a ribbon. A fuckin' ribbon."

"I can't even afford to live in the city I got shot in. How is that for justice?"

"What the fuck are these guys doing?! [over loudspeaker] Pull over! I mean, land!"

"Oh, I don't need luck, babycakes. See, I control the narrative. Enriques, Copeland, Rosewood, Foley. There's only one loose end! And that's you. Now, when people hear that your dad was killed by the Cartel, that's gonna be so easy to believe because they're gonna say "Hey, Axel Foley? Shit, I can't believe he lasted this long! But his squeaky clean daughter, Jane Saunders? What do you think happened? Maybe she was speeding down Mulholland, racing to get to the police station to find out what happened to Pops, and she took a turn just a little too fast and went sailing right off a cliff..." with no tow truck cable to catch her this time, huh?"

"Axel Foley, you are a true son of a bitch, aren'tcha? And I mean that as the highest of compliments."

"[Sam: Check my record. I'm not in the game.] Murder weapon in your lap? Trunk full of cocaine? You're in the game, Sam."

"[regarding Axel] He's not my dad. I mean, he's-- He's my dad, he hasn't been a dad."

"Go back to Detroit. We'll talk in another five years? And just so you know, if you had went to therapy: "The parent is always the parent. The child is always the child". We didn't mess this up, you messed this up. Goodbye."

"I'm your daughter. The only thing you ever fought for is your job."

"You know what my biggest issue was with my father? His maniacal focus drove me insane. He was relentless. Ironically, that's your biggest issue right now. Good luck, asshole."

"John Taggart: Detective, your extremely high-profile homicide turned out to be a self-solver. So if I were you, I would count my blessings and stop trying to be so fucking interesting, got it?"

"Billy Rosewood: You can never have too much firepower."

"Axel Foley is back."

"Eddie Murphy - Axel Foley"

"Joseph Gordon-Levitt - Detective Bobby Abbott"

"Kevin Bacon - Captain Cade Grant"

"Taylour Paige - Jane Saunders"

"Judge Reinhold - Billy Rosewood"

"John Ashton - John Taggart"

"Paul Reiser - Deputy Chief Jeffrey Friedman"

"Bronson Pinchot - Serge"

"Mark Pellegrino - Beck"

"Luis Guzmán as Chalino Valdemoro"

"I'm going to need a couple of jars of jelly on the plane and two parachutes."

"[To Kelly] It's like you're a double-agent! It's like you're working against me!"

"This man is Arnold Gundars, premiere arms dealer. We believe he has the switchblade."

"[In a sexually aggressive way, Rachel slams Alex against a wall and then down on a cot] Oh! I think you broke my spine. [Rachel laughs] But in a good way."

"[To Kelly] That's the type of thing we're gonna be doing on the mission."

"What you're about to hear is a national secret."

"[Looking over list] This is a who's who of the international bad boys club."

"Don't tell anyone."

"The switchblade is undetectable through radar, infra red, even the human eye."

"[To Alex] Hey, come on now. Hey, come on now. Let me at least see the goods."

"[To Alex] Let me show you something a little Kelly Robinson style. Hold on, here we go!"

"[High on gas fumes in the sewers of Budapest, tearing up, to Alex] We twins."

"Hey, I can see you, and me, and you, and... oh, I like this!"

"I'm 57 and 0 baby."

"Introducing the undisputed champion of the world: Kelly Robinson."

"Eddie Murphy as Kelly"

"Owen Wilson as Alex"

"Famke Janssen as Rachel"

"Malcolm McDowell as Gundars"

"Gary Cole as Carlos"

"Phill Lewis as Jerry"

"Viv Leacock as T.J."

"Keith Dallas as Lunchbox"

"Tate Taylor as Lieutenant Percy"

"Lynda Boyd as Edna"

"Bill Mondy as McIntyre"

"Espionage with attitude."

"Get another field of view"

"Jonah Hill as Morton Schmidt"

"Channing Tatum as Greg Jenko / Jeff"

"Peter Stormare as "The Ghost""

"Wyatt Russell as Zook Haythe"

"Amber Stevens as Maya Dickson"

"Jillian Bell as Mercedes"

"Ice Cube as Captain Dickson"

"Keith Lucas as Keith Yang"

"Kenny Lucas as Kenny Yang"

"Nick Offerman as Deputy Chief Hardy"

"Jimmy Tatro as "Rooster""

"Craig Roberts as Spencer"

"Marc Evan Jackson as Dr. Murphy"

"Queen Latifah as Mrs. Dickson (uncredited)"

"Diplo as Himself"

"Dustin Nguyen as Vietnamese Jesus"

"Dave Franco as Eric Molson (uncredited)"

"Rob Riggle as Mr. Walters (uncredited)"

"H. Jon Benjamin as MCS Football Coach (uncredited)"

"Patton Oswalt as MC State History Professor (uncredited)"

"Bill Hader as Culinary School Villain (uncredited)"

"Anna Faris as Anna (uncredited)"

"Seth Rogen as a Morton Schmidt replacement actor (uncredited)"

"You can't trust this guy, he's on the list."

"Someone took Nick. We're gonna find him."

"Whoever took Nick, they're extremely dangerous."

"The supply closets are portal stations for the North Pole transit system."

"Grab a car. We're gearing up."

"We've got snowmen!"

"The North Pole has been taken."

"Things are about to get real."

"Let's save Christmas. Say it."

"Are you saying, Santa Claus has been kidnapped?"

"I'm not gonna like you. I can tell right away, out of everyone here, I like you the least."

"You don't have a Wonder Woman action figure, do you?"

"That was… so disturbing."

"Well, it was nice to meet you Cal, good luck with everything."

"Think if you don't need me here, I might just go back to the car."

"The guy is a beast."

"I'm bringing in Jack O'Malley. He’s probably the best tracker in the world."

"Welcome to the North Pole."

"Last night, Red One, also known as Saint Nicholas of Myra, was abducted from the North Pole Complex."

"You're mine until you find him. I suggest you get going."

"We need to prepare for the possibility of no Christmas."

"Evening ladies. What are you so excited about? [turns around to see Callum] Of course, your boyfriend's here."

"Let's go heavy."

"Thanks for the escort, fellas!"

"Dwayne Johnson — Callum Drift"

"Chris Evans — Jack O'Malley"

"Lucy Liu — Zoe Harlow"

"— Santa Claus"

"— Mrs. Claus"

"Reinaldo Faberlle — Agent Garcia (voice)"

"Wesley Kimmel — Dylan"

"— Uncle Rick"

"— Krampus Guest"

"Gursharn Arya — Drako"

"Perfect. Broke another nail."

"[Tina rolls her eyes after seeing Helena and Weatherby passionately kiss in the boat] Oh, for god's sake; GET A ROOM!"

"Our Nano-bots were working overtime on THAT fight."

"I am your servant but if you leave the compound, I am honor-bound to kill you."

"[Crashes through Kasumi's door] Room service."

"Jaime Pressly as Tina Armstrong"

"Devon Aoki as Kasumi"

"Holly Valance as Christie Allen"

"Sarah Carter as Helena Douglas"

"Natassia Malthe as Ayane"

"Kane Kosugi as Ryu Hayabusa"

"Matthew Marsden as Max"

"Eric Roberts as Donovan"

"Steve Howey as Weatherby"

"Brian White as Zack"

"Kevin Nash as Bass Armstrong"

"Collin Chou as Hayate"

"Derek Boyer as Bayman"

"Silvio Simac as Leon"

"They have the looks... That KILL"

"You're Invited."

"Wanna Play?"

"Alone they are unbeatable... Together they are invincible"

"Killer looks are nothing without the right moves..."

"The world's deadliest assassins will enter. Only the best will survive."