"I've given my life to art and from here on in, the only art I will get anywhere near are the pictures I draw on the pavement hoping passersby will throw nickels in my hat. I guess the long on the short of it: I wish I'd never been born."

"[about Mr. Bean getting arrested twice] Tell him his is a butt I would dearly love to kick. And next time I will."

"Everything You've Heard Is True"

"I don't know the difference between Picasso and a car crash."

"Be afraid, be very afraid, Mr. Bean has a passport."

"[giving speech about the painting] Well, hello, I'm Dr. Bean, apparently. And my job is to sit and look at paintings. So, what have I learned that I can say about this painting? Well, firstly, it's quite big, which is excellent. Because if it was really small, you know, microscopic, then hardly anyone would be able to see it, which would be a tremendous shame. Secondly... And I'm getting quite near the end of this analysis of this painting. Secondly... Why was it worth this man, here, spending 50 million of your American dollars on this portrait? And the answer is... Well, this picture is worth such a lot of money, because... it's a picture of Whistler's mother. And as I've learned, by staying with my best friend, David Langley, and his family, families are very important. And even though Mr. Whistler was perfectly aware that his mother was a hideous old bat, who looked like she had a cactus lodged up her backside, he stuck with her... and even took the time to paint this amazing picture of her. It's not just a painting. It's a picture of a mad old cow who he thought the world of, and that's marvelous. Well, that's what I think anyway."

"Rowan Atkinson - Mr. Bean"

"Bernard Miles as Master Executioner"

"David Oxley as 'Bluebeard', Gilles de Rais"

"Patrick Barr as Captain La Hire"

"Victor Maddern as English Soldier"

"Francis de Wolff as La Tremouille"

"Finlay Currie as Archbishop of Rheims"

"Felix Aylmer as Inquisitor"

"Archie Duncan as Robert de Baudricourt"

"Harry Andrews as John de Stogumber"

"John Gielgud as Earl of Warwick"

"Jean Seberg as St. Joan of Arc"

"Richard Todd as Dunois, Bastard of Orléans"

"Margot Grahame as Duchesse de la Tremouille"

"Anton Walbrook as Cauchon, Bishop of Beauvais"

"A dead saint is always better for the Church than a live one."

"Fair is fair. Burn her is ya want to, but there's no call to being unkind."

"The dawn, lady. Excuse me, I've got a pressing appointment—down below."

"Do you expect people to love you for showing them up? Do archbishops enjoy being played off their own alters, even by saints?"

"Barry Jones as De Courcelles"

"Richard Widmark as The Dauphin, Charles VII"

"You will all be glad to see me burned. But if I go through the fire, I shall go through it to their hearts, forever and ever, and so God be with me."

"I cannot bear to be hurt, and if you hurt me, I will say anything you like to stop the pain, but I will take it all back afterwards."

"What other judgement can I judge by but my own?"

"There's no help, no council in any of you. I thought I would have friends in the court of France, and I find only wolves fighting for pieces of her poor, torn body. I believed that you, who now cast me out, would be like strong towers to keep harm from me. But I am wiser now, and nobody is any the worse for being the wiser."

"There is always danger—except in Heaven."

"I can turn you into a king, and that is a miracle that'll take some doing, it seems."

""Perpetual imprisonment"! Am I not then to be set free? … [tears up her signed confession] Light your fire. Do you think I would dread it as much as life as a rat in a hole? My voices were right. Yes, they told me you were fools, and that I was not to listen to your fine words, nor trust to your charity. You promised me my life, but you lied! You think life is nothing but not being stone dead. It is not the bread and water I fear; I can live on bread, but if I ask for more, bread has no sorrow for me, water no affliction. But, to shut me from the light of the sky, and the sight of the fields and flowers, to chain my feet so that I can never again ride with the soldiers, nor climb the hills, to make me breathe foul, damp darkness and keep me from everything that brings me back to the love of God, when your wickedness and foolishness tempted me to hate him! [cries] I could do without my warhorse, I could drag about in a skirt, I could let the trumpets and the banners and the knights and the soldiers pass me and leave me behind as they leave the other women, if only I could still hear the wind in the trees, the locks in the sunshine, the young lambs crying through the frost, and the blessed church bells that send my voices to me on the wind. But without these things, I cannot live! And by your wanting to take them from me, or from any human creature, I know that your council is of the devil, and that mine is of God! [audience jeers]"

"Show me the way to the bridge; I shall be the first to cross it. I dare you to follow me."

"I was burned all the same. Can they unburn me?"

"Oh God, who made this beautiful Earth, when will it be ready to receive your saints? How long, oh Lord? How long?"

"I wear it like this because I am a soldier. Could you fight with your hair rolled up in those big horns?"

"I wanna hear no more of my grandfather. As he was so wise, he used up the whole family stock of wisdom for five generations and left me the poor fool I am."

"I'll read it for you if you like. I can read, you know."

"Felicity Jones - Beth Fischer"

"Peter Vaughan - Grandpa"

"Julia Ormond - Joa Fischer"

"Jessica Brown Findlay - Emelia"

"Sebastian Koch - Jonathan Fischer"

"Good morning, Mrs. Fisher. How's it hanging?"

"[in college cafeteria] I have never seen so many ugly men in all my life. I mean look at them, they're trying to wear their brains on the outside."

"[to Jonathan] You haven't lived a bloody day since, have you? I mean what else have you achieved in the last 20 years? I've read your other work, and it sure ain't Tolstoy. Unless it's the sequel: "Bore and Cease"."