Islamic Mythology

"حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ يُوسُفَ، قَالَ أَخْبَرَنَا مَالِكٌ، عَنْ أَبِي الزِّنَادِ، عَنِ الأَعْرَجِ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ "‏ وَالَّذِي نَفْسِي بِيَدِهِ لَقَدْ هَمَمْتُ أَنْ آمُرَ بِحَطَبٍ فَيُحْطَبَ، ثُمَّ آمُرَ بِالصَّلاَةِ فَيُؤَذَّنَ لَهَا، ثُمَّ آمُرَ رَجُلاً فَيَؤُمَّ النَّاسَ، ثُمَّ أُخَالِفَ إِلَى رِجَالٍ فَأُحَرِّقَ عَلَيْهِمْ بُيُوتَهُمْ، وَالَّذِي نَفْسِي بِيَدِهِ لَوْ يَعْلَمُ أَحَدُهُمْ أَنَّهُ يَجِدُ عَرْقًا سَمِينًا أَوْ مِرْمَاتَيْنِ حَسَنَتَيْنِ لَشَهِدَ الْعِشَاءَ ‏"‏‏.‏"

"Narrated Abu Said Al-Khudri: that while he was sitting with Allah's Apostle he said, "O Allah's Apostle! We get female captives as our share of booty, and we are interested in their prices, what is your opinion about coitus interrupt us?" The Prophet said, "Do you really do that? It is better for you not to do it. No soul that which Allah has destined to exist, but will surely come into existence."

"حَدَّثَنَا عَلِيُّ بْنُ الْجَعْدِ، قَالَ أَخْبَرَنَا شُعْبَةُ، قَالَ أَخْبَرَنِي مَنْصُورٌ، قَالَ سَمِعْتُ رِبْعِيَّ بْنَ حِرَاشٍ، يَقُولُ سَمِعْتُ عَلِيًّا، يَقُولُ قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ لاَ تَكْذِبُوا عَلَىَّ، فَإِنَّهُ مَنْ كَذَبَ عَلَىَّ فَلْيَلِجِ النَّارَ ‏"‏‏.‏"

"حَدَّثَنَا إِسْحَاقُ بْنُ نَصْرٍ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الرَّزَّاقِ، عَنْ مَعْمَرٍ، عَنْ هَمَّامِ بْنِ مُنَبِّهٍ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ "‏ كَانَتْ بَنُو إِسْرَائِيلَ يَغْتَسِلُونَ عُرَاةً، يَنْظُرُ بَعْضُهُمْ إِلَى بَعْضٍ، وَكَانَ مُوسَى يَغْتَسِلُ وَحْدَهُ، فَقَالُوا وَاللَّهِ مَا يَمْنَعُ مُوسَى أَنْ يَغْتَسِلَ مَعَنَا إِلاَّ أَنَّهُ آدَرُ، فَذَهَبَ مَرَّةً يَغْتَسِلُ، فَوَضَعَ ثَوْبَهُ عَلَى حَجَرٍ، فَفَرَّ الْحَجَرُ بِثَوْبِهِ، فَخَرَجَ مُوسَى فِي إِثْرِهِ يَقُولُ ثَوْبِي يَا حَجَرُ‏.‏ حَتَّى نَظَرَتْ بَنُو إِسْرَائِيلَ إِلَى مُوسَى، فَقَالُوا وَاللَّهِ مَا بِمُوسَى مِنْ بَأْسٍ‏.‏ وَأَخَذَ ثَوْبَهُ، فَطَفِقَ بِالْحَجَرِ ضَرْبًا ‏"‏‏.‏ فَقَالَ أَبُو هُرَيْرَةَ وَاللَّهِ إِنَّهُ لَنَدَبٌ بِالْحَجَرِ سِتَّةٌ أَوْ سَبْعَةٌ ضَرْبًا بِالْحَجَرِ‏.‏‏"

"حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ يُوسُفَ قَالَ أَخْبَرَنَا مَالِكٌ عَنْ هِشَامِ بْنِ عُرْوَةَ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنْ عَائِشَةَ أُمِّ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا أَنَّ الْحَارِثَ بْنَ هِشَامٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ سَأَلَ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ كَيْفَ يَأْتِيكَ الْوَحْيُ فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَحْيَانًا يَأْتِينِي مِثْلَ صَلْصَلَةِ الْجَرَسِ وَهُوَ أَشَدُّهُ عَلَيَّ فَيُفْصَمُ عَنِّي وَقَدْ وَعَيْتُ عَنْهُ مَا قَالَ وَأَحْيَانًا يَتَمَثَّلُ لِي الْمَلَكُ رَجُلًا فَيُكَلِّمُنِي فَأَعِي مَا يَقُولُ قَالَتْ عَائِشَةُ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا وَلَقَدْ رَأَيْتُهُ يَنْزِلُ عَلَيْهِ الْوَحْيُ فِي الْيَوْمِ الشَّدِيدِ الْبَرْدِ فَيَفْصِمُ عَنْهُ وَإِنَّ جَبِينَهُ لَيَتَفَصَّدُ عَرَقًا"

"حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ، حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الرَّزَّاقِ، أَخْبَرَنَا مَعْمَرٌ، عَنْ هَمَّامٍ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ "‏ هَلَكَ كِسْرَى ثُمَّ لاَ يَكُونُ كِسْرَى بَعْدَهُ، وَقَيْصَرٌ لَيَهْلِكَنَّ ثُمَّ لاَ يَكُونُ قَيْصَرٌ بَعْدَهُ، وَلَتُقْسَمَنَّ كُنُوزُهَا فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ ‏"‏‏.‏"

"حَدَّثَنَا عَلِيُّ بْنُ الْجَعْدِ، قَالَ أَخْبَرَنَا شُعْبَةُ، عَنْ أَبِي جَمْرَةَ، قَالَ كُنْتُ أَقْعُدُ مَعَ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، يُجْلِسُنِي عَلَى سَرِيرِهِ فَقَالَ أَقِمْ عِنْدِي حَتَّى أَجْعَلَ لَكَ سَهْمًا مِنْ مَالِي، فَأَقَمْتُ مَعَهُ شَهْرَيْنِ، ثُمَّ قَالَ إِنَّ وَفْدَ عَبْدِ الْقَيْسِ لَمَّا أَتَوُا النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏"‏ مَنِ الْقَوْمُ أَوْ مَنِ الْوَفْدُ ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالُوا رَبِيعَةُ‏.‏ قَالَ ‏"‏ مَرْحَبًا بِالْقَوْمِ ـ أَوْ بِالْوَفْدِ ـ غَيْرَ خَزَايَا وَلاَ نَدَامَى ‏"‏‏.‏ فَقَالُوا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، إِنَّا لاَ نَسْتَطِيعُ أَنْ نَأْتِيَكَ إِلاَّ فِي شَهْرِ الْحَرَامِ، وَبَيْنَنَا وَبَيْنَكَ هَذَا الْحَىُّ مِنْ كُفَّارِ مُضَرَ، فَمُرْنَا بِأَمْرٍ فَصْلٍ، نُخْبِرْ بِهِ مَنْ وَرَاءَنَا، وَنَدْخُلْ بِهِ الْجَنَّةَ‏.‏ وَسَأَلُوهُ عَنِ الأَشْرِبَةِ‏.‏ فَأَمَرَهُمْ بِأَرْبَعٍ، وَنَهَاهُمْ عَنْ أَرْبَعٍ، أَمَرَهُمْ بِالإِيمَانِ بِاللَّهِ وَحْدَهُ‏.‏ قَالَ ‏"‏ أَتَدْرُونَ مَا الإِيمَانُ بِاللَّهِ وَحْدَهُ ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالُوا اللَّهُ وَرَسُولُهُ أَعْلَمُ‏.‏ قَالَ ‏"‏ شَهَادَةُ أَنْ لاَ إِلَهَ إِلاَّ اللَّهُ وَأَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ، وَإِقَامُ الصَّلاَةِ، وَإِيتَاءُ الزَّكَاةِ، وَصِيَامُ رَمَضَانَ، وَأَنْ تُعْطُوا مِنَ الْمَغْنَمِ الْخُمُسَ ‏"‏‏.‏ وَنَهَاهُمْ عَنْ أَرْبَعٍ عَنِ الْحَنْتَمِ وَالدُّبَّاءِ وَالنَّقِيرِ وَالْمُزَفَّتِ‏.‏ وَرُبَّمَا قَالَ الْمُقَيَّرِ‏.‏ وَقَالَ ‏"‏ احْفَظُوهُنَّ وَأَخْبِرُوا بِهِنَّ مَنْ وَرَاءَكُمْ ‏"‏‏.‏"

"حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو عَاصِمٍ، عَنْ مَالِكٍ، عَنْ سُمَىٍّ، عَنْ أَبِي صَالِحٍ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏"‏ الشُّهَدَاءُ الْغَرِقُ وَالْمَطْعُونُ وَالْمَبْطُونُ وَالْهَدْمُ ‏"‏‏.‏ وَقَالَ ‏"‏ وَلَوْ يَعْلَمُونَ مَا فِي التَّهْجِيرِ لاَسْتَبَقُوا ‏{‏إِلَيْهِ‏}‏ وَلَوْ يَعْلَمُونَ مَا فِي الْعَتَمَةِ وَالصُّبْحِ لأَتَوْهُمَا وَلَوْ حَبْوًا، وَلَوْ يَعْلَمُونَ مَا فِي الصَّفِّ الْمُقَدَّمِ لاَسْتَهَمُوا ‏"‏‏.‏"

"حَدَّثَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي مَالِكٌ، عَنْ هِشَامٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ ـ رضى الله عنها ـ قَالَتْ لَمَّا اشْتَكَى النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ذَكَرَتْ بَعْضُ نِسَائِهِ كَنِيسَةً رَأَيْنَهَا بِأَرْضِ الْحَبَشَةِ، يُقَالُ لَهَا مَارِيَةُ، وَكَانَتْ أُمُّ سَلَمَةَ وَأُمُّ حَبِيبَةَ ـ رضى الله عنهما ـ أَتَتَا أَرْضَ الْحَبَشَةِ، فَذَكَرَتَا مِنْ حُسْنِهَا وَتَصَاوِيرَ فِيهَا، فَرَفَعَ رَأْسَهُ فَقَالَ ‏ "‏ أُولَئِكَ إِذَا مَاتَ مِنْهُمُ الرَّجُلُ الصَّالِحُ بَنَوْا عَلَى قَبْرِهِ مَسْجِدًا، ثُمَّ صَوَّرُوا فِيهِ تِلْكَ الصُّورَةَ، أُولَئِكَ شِرَارُ الْخَلْقِ عِنْدَ اللَّهِ ‏"‏‏."

"حَدَّثَنَا عَلِيُّ بْنُ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، حَدَّثَنَا سُفْيَانُ، حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ أَبِي نَجِيحٍ، عَنْ مُجَاهِدٍ، عَنْ أَبِي مَعْمَرٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ مَسْعُودٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قَالَ دَخَلَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم مَكَّةَ، وَحَوْلَ الْكَعْبَةِ ثَلاَثُمِائَةٍ وَسِتُّونَ نُصُبًا فَجَعَلَ يَطْعَنُهَا بِعُودٍ فِي يَدِهِ وَجَعَلَ يَقُولُ ‏{‏جَاءَ الْحَقُّ وَزَهَقَ الْبَاطِلُ‏}‏ الآيَةَ‏.‏"

"حَدَّثَنَا حَفْصُ بْنُ عُمَرَ الْحَوْضِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا هَمَّامٌ، عَنْ إِسْحَاقَ، عَنْ أَنَسٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قَالَ بَعَثَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم أَقْوَامًا مِنْ بَنِي سُلَيْمٍ إِلَى بَنِي عَامِرٍ فِي سَبْعِينَ، فَلَمَّا قَدِمُوا، قَالَ لَهُمْ خَالِي أَتَقَدَّمُكُمْ، فَإِنْ أَمَّنُونِي حَتَّى أُبَلِّغَهُمْ عَنْ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَإِلاَّ كُنْتُمْ مِنِّي قَرِيبًا‏.‏ فَتَقَدَّمَ، فَأَمَّنُوهُ، فَبَيْنَمَا يُحَدِّثُهُمْ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم إِذْ أَوْمَئُوا إِلَى رَجُلٍ مِنْهُمْ، فَطَعَنَهُ فَأَنْفَذَهُ فَقَالَ اللَّهُ أَكْبَرُ، فُزْتُ وَرَبِّ الْكَعْبَةِ‏.‏ ثُمَّ مَالُوا عَلَى بَقِيَّةِ أَصْحَابِهِ فَقَتَلُوهُمْ، إِلاَّ رَجُلاً أَعْرَجَ صَعِدَ الْجَبَلَ‏.‏ قَالَ هَمَّامٌ فَأُرَاهُ آخَرَ مَعَهُ، فَأَخْبَرَ جِبْرِيلُ ـ عَلَيْهِ السَّلاَمُ ـ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم أَنَّهُمْ قَدْ لَقُوا رَبَّهُمْ، فَرَضِيَ عَنْهُمْ وَأَرْضَاهُمْ، فَكُنَّا نَقْرَأُ أَنْ بَلِّغُوا قَوْمَنَا أَنْ قَدْ لَقِينَا رَبَّنَا فَرَضِيَ عَنَّا وَأَرْضَانَا‏.‏ ثُمَّ نُسِخَ بَعْدُ، فَدَعَا عَلَيْهِمْ أَرْبَعِينَ صَبَاحًا، عَلَى رِعْلٍ وَذَكْوَانَ وَبَنِي لِحْيَانَ وَبَنِي عُصَيَّةَ الَّذِينَ عَصَوُا اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ صلى الله عليه وسلم‏.‏"

"“Then it shall come to pass, when you are multiplied and increased in the land in those days,” says the Lord, “that they will say no more, ‘The ark of the covenant of the Lord.’ It shall not come to mind, nor shall they remember it, nor shall they visit it, nor shall it be made anymore."

"Marcus Brody: Oh, yes. The Bible speaks of the Ark leveling mountains and laying waste to entire regions. An army which carries the Ark before it ... is invincible."

"When the Ashdodites arose early the next morning, behold, Dagon had fallen on his face to the ground before the ark of the LORD. So they took Dagon and set him in his place again. But when they arose early the next morning, behold, Dagon had fallen on his face to the ground before the ark of the LORD. And the head of Dagon and both the palms of his hands were cut off on the threshold; only the trunk of Dagon was left to him. Therefore neither the priests of Dagon nor all who enter Dagon's house tread on the threshold of Dagon in Ashdod to this day.…"

"René Belloq: Jones, do you realize what the Ark is? It's a transmitter. It's a radio for speaking to God. And it's within my reach."

"Again David gathered all the choice men of Israel, thirty thousand. And David arose and went with all the people who were with him from Baale Judah to bring up from there the ark of God, whose name is called by the Name, the Lord of Hosts, who dwells between the cherubim. So they set the ark of God on a new cart, and brought it out of the house of Abinadab, which was on the hill; and Uzzah and Ahio, the sons of Abinadab, drove the new cart. And they brought it out of the house of Abinadab, which was on the hill, accompanying the ark of God; and Ahio went before the ark."

"5. There was also an ark made, sacred to God, of wood that was naturally strong, and could not be corrupted. This was called Eron in our own language. Its construction was thus: its length was five spans, but its breadth and height was each of them three spans. It was covered all over with gold, both within and without, so that the wooden part was not seen. It had also a cover united to it, by golden hinges, after a wonderful manner; which cover was every way evenly fitted to it, and had no eminences to hinder its exact conjunction. There were also two golden rings belonging to each of the longer boards, and passing through the entire wood, and through them gilt bars passed along each board, that it might thereby be moved and carried about, as occasion should require; for it was not drawn in a cart by beasts of burden, but borne on the shoulders of the priests. Upon this its cover were two images, which the Hebrews call Cherubims; they are flying creatures, but their form is not like to that of any of the creatures which men have seen, though Moses said he had seen such beings near the throne of God. In this ark he put the two tables whereon the ten commandments were written, five upon each table, and two and a half upon each side of them; and this ark he placed in the most holy place."

"So they departed from the mountain of the Lord on a journey of three days; and the ark of the covenant of the Lord went before them for the three days’ journey, to search out a resting place for them. And the cloud of the Lord was above them by day when they went out from the camp."

"They shall construct an ark of acacia wood two and a half cubits long, and one and a half cubits wide, and one and a half cubits high. You shall overlay it with pure gold, inside and out you shall overlay it, and you shall make a gold molding around it. You shall cast four gold rings for it and fasten them on its four feet, and two rings shall be on one side of it and two rings on the other side of it. You shall make poles of acacia wood and overlay them with gold. You shall put the poles into the rings on the sides of the ark, to carry the ark with them. The poles shall remain in the rings of the ark; they shall not be removed from it. You shall put into the ark the testimony which I shall give you."

"So it was, when the people set out from their camp to cross over the Jordan, with the priests bearing the ark of the covenant before the people, and as those who bore the ark came to the Jordan, and the feet of the priests who bore the ark dipped in the edge of the water (for the Jordan overflows all its banks during the whole time of harvest), that the waters which came down from upstream stood still, and rose in a heap very far away at Adam, the city that is beside Zaretan. So the waters that went down into the Sea of the Arabah, the Salt Sea, failed, and were cut off; and the people crossed over opposite Jericho. Then the priests who bore the ark of the covenant of the Lord stood firm on dry ground in the midst of the Jordan; and all Israel crossed over on dry ground, until all the people had crossed completely over the Jordan."

"When Joshua had spoken to the people, the seven priests carrying the seven trumpets before the Lord went forward, blowing their trumpets, and the ark of the Lord’s covenant followed them. The armed guard marched ahead of the priests who blew the trumpets, and the rear guard followed the ark. All this time the trumpets were sounding. But Joshua had commanded the army, “Do not give a war cry, do not raise your voices, do not say a word until the day I tell you to shout. Then shout!” 11 So he had the ark of the Lord carried around the city, circling it once. Then the army returned to camp and spent the night there."

"Although Christ commits many acts that might be considered revolutionary […] He is nonetheless explicitly portrayed in the Gospels as the master of tradition."

"Jesus ... is the final priest who makes all priesthood obsolete — not merely the performance of ritual sacrifice, but the office, pomp and circumstance of priestly authority and hierarchy itself. Instead of deferring to any caste of religious hierarchs, followers of the Way are thus now summoned to collectively be a "royal priesthood," a "chosen race" or "holy nation" built not upon offices of any kind but upon transferred allegiance to God's in-breaking "kingdom.""

"God in Christ is a different kind of lord who is not in solidarity with the powerful but in solidarity with the lowly. ... This position—at the heart of the new world proclaimed by Paul—directly contradicts the logic of the Roman Empire."

"[Christ of Revelation] comes forth as one who no longer seeks either friendship or love … His garments are dipped in blood, the blood of others. He descends that he may shed the blood of men."

"The god of Moses would call for other tribes, including his favorite one, to suffer massacre and plague and even extirpation, but when the grave closed over his victims he was essentially finished with them unless he remembered to curse their succeeding progeny. Not until the advent of the Prince of Peace do we hear of the ghastly idea of further punishing and torturing the dead."

"Jesus is great — is there a better role model? No. It's religion, it's the people who get in between — the bureaucracy, you know. … It's the way people abuse Jesus. Was there ever a greater victim of name dropping?"

"The problem that neither side in the controversy [regarding Jesus' divinity] had yet grasped was this: whoever presented a detailed explanation of the relationship of the Father to the Son could fairly easily be accused of heresy. This is because it was difficult, perhaps impossibly so, to describe Jesus' relationship to God in a way that did not seem either to deny his humanity (the Sabellian heresy) or to question his divinity (extreme Arianism). The real root of the difficulty was that Judeo-Christian monotheism posited an infinitely powerful, mysterious, single God who had created not only the world of people and things, but time and space itself. If Christ was actually this God, the human element in him seemed to dwindle into insignificance. But if he was other than God, then, unless one conceived of him as some sort of angel, he would be seen primarily as a man."

"Rev. Otis: He gave you all his love, gave you all his divine grace, gave you all his salvation. And he deserves all your money."

"Wuotan: There's a lot of need for Jesus, so there is a lot of Jesus."

"Jesus Christ—who, as it turns out, was born of a virgin, cheated death, and rose bodily into the heavens—can now be eaten in the form of a cracker."

"Not a single one of our ancient sources indicates that Jesus was married, let alone married to Mary Magdalene. All such claims are part of modem fictional reconstructions of Jesus' life, not rooted in the surviving accounts themselves. The historical approach to our sources may not be as exciting and sensationalist as fictional claims about Jesus (he kept a lover! he had sex! he made babies!), but there's something to be said for knowing what really happened in history, even if it is not as titillating as what happens in novels."

"First, Jesus was no simple peasant, but grew up in intimate contact with an urban and overwhelmingly Greek culture. And second, he intended to lead a spiritual regeneration of his people, based on a total repudiation of Greek culture. In all his preaching, he quotes from the Law and the Prophets, the old Hebrew scriptures. After seeing what the Greek culture had to offer, he went back to his Hebrew roots."

"What can we say about how Jesus most likely understood himself? Did he call himself the messiah? If so, what did he mean by it? And did he call himself God? Here I want to stake out a clear position: messiah, yes; God, no."

"If you wake up tomorrow morning thinking that saying a few Latin words over your pancakes is going to turn them into the body of Elvis Presley, you have lost your mind. But if you think more or less the same thing about a cracker and the body of Jesus, you're just a Catholic."

"I wear this Saint Christopher medal sometimes because — I'm Jewish — but my boyfriend is Catholic. It was cute, the way he gave it to me. He said if it doesn't burn through my skin, it will protect me. Who cares? Different religions. The only time it's an issue, I suppose, would be like if you're having a baby and you've got to figure out how you want to raise it. Which still wouldn't be an issue for us, because we'd be … honest, and just say, you know, like, "Mommy is one of the chosen people … and daddy believes that Jesus is magic!""

"I've heard it suggested from some people that Christians are so irrationally obsessed with [homosexuality] because deep down they're terrified that Jesus himself might have been gay. There's no real evidence for it, but then there's no real evidence for anything to do with religion. So yeah, I'll buy it. Well, keep an open mind, that's what I always say. … If we take the actual Gospels as gospel then what we've got is a man in his thirties, unmarried in a culture where it's almost unheard of for a man of thirty to be unmarried. Plus, come on, you can't ignore the twelve boyfriends, especially when there's a missing passage from the Gospel of Mark that actually describes Jesus spending a night with a naked youth. We're told that the youth came to Jesus wearing a linen cloth over his naked body, and stayed with him that night, 'for Jesus taught him the mystery of the kingdom of God.' I bet he did. Along with one or two other little mysteries while he was at it. Well, why not? He was only human. The apostle John repeatedly refers to himself as the one who Jesus specially loved. I don't know whether he meant it "in the Greek manner", so to speak, but what would it matter if he did? This is the point. If Jesus was gay, would it negate the teachings and the parables? Would the Sermon on the Mount lose its authority if preached by the queen of queens rather than the king of kings? And if somebody could prove historically, beyond all doubt, that Jesus was in fact homosexual, would Christians then reject Jesus, or would they reject the evidence as usual? Your guess is as good as mine. From what I've read in the Gospels, I think Jesus was a pretty common sense sort of person, and I don't think he would have had a problem with anybody being who they are. I do think, though, that he had a problem with people who pretend to be one thing while being another."

"It's often said of Jesus that he could have saved himself, but he chose not to. And if you read the Gospels it's clear that he could have talked himself out of that crucifixion quite easily, but he was just too stubborn. The Romans didn't really want to kill him at all, but in the end they went along with it because he was being such a prick about it. The truth is he couldn't wait to get up on that cross. In fact, I think Christianity only exists because Jesus Christ just happened to be a masochist. I think he took one look at the hammer and nails and he couldn't believe his luck. He thought, "Well, in three days I'll be in Heaven, but until then I'm going to enjoy myself.""

"Of course Jesus was a theist, but that is the least interesting thing about him. He was a theist because, in his time, everybody was. Atheism was not an option, even for so radical a thinker as Jesus. What was interesting and remarkable about Jesus was not the obvious fact that he believed in the God of his Jewish religion, but that he rebelled against many aspects of Yahweh's vengeful nastiness. At least in the teachings that are attributed to him, he publicly advocated niceness and was one of the first to do so. To those steeped in the Sharia-like cruelties of Leviticus and Deuteronomy; to those brought up to fear the vindictive, Ayatollah-like God of Abraham and Isaac, a charismatic young preacher who advocated generous forgiveness must have seemed radical to the point of subversion. No wonder they nailed him."

"Whosoever on the night of the nativity of the young Lord Jesus, in the great snows, shall fare forth bearing a succulent bone for the lost and lamenting hounds, a wisp of hay for the shivering horse, a cloak of warm raiment for the stranded wayfarer, a bundle of fagots for the twittering crone, a flagon of red wine for him whose marrow withers, a garland of bright red berries for one who has worn chains, a dish of crumbs with a song of love for all huddled birds who thought that song was dead, and divers lush sweetmeats for such babes' faces as peer from lonely windows, to him shall be proffered and returned gifts of such an astonishment as will rival the hues of the peacock and the harmonies of heaven, so that though he live to the great age when man goes stooping and querulous because of the nothing that is left of him, yet shall he walk upright and remembering, as one whose heart shines like a great star in his breast."

"Even to atheists he is the supremely good man, the exemplar and moral authority with whom no one may disagree."

"Jesus is a remarkable person... He was on his way to becoming Christ, and he made it."

"“Gentle Jesus, meek and mild."

"Thou hast conquered, O pale Galilean; The world has grown gray from thy breath; We have drunken from things Lethean, And fed on the fullness of death."

"But chiefly Thou, Whom soft-eyed Pity once led down from Heaven To bleed for man, to teach him how to live, And, oh! still harder lesson! how to die."

"And so the Word had breath, and wrought With human hands the creed of creeds In loveliness of perfect deeds, More strong than all poetic thoughts; Which he may read that binds the sheaf, Or builds the house, or digs the grave, And those wild eyes that watch the waves In roarings round the coral reef."

"The Pilot of the Galilean Lake."

"For man he seems In all his lineaments, though in his face The glimpses of his Fathers glory shine."

"Near, so very near to God, Nearer I cannot be; For in the person of his Son I am as near as he."

"His love at once and dread instruct our thought; As man He suffer'd and as God He taught."