"General Sline: When we commissioned the Schmectel Corporation to research this precise event sequence scenario, it was determined that the continual stockpiling and development of our nuclear arsenal was becoming self-defeating. A weapon unused is a useless weapon."

"Karen Boyer: Gentlemen, I think you both should realize the gravity of this moment. I've spent the last two-and-a-half years of my life preparing for this penetration."

"Col. Rhumbus: Boys, it would be a shame to have to kill you now."

"Hard to believe its been only 15 minutes since I destroyed the world. In another 15 minutes, it'll all be over. Such a short time to destroy a world. And to think my high school guidance counselor said I'd never amount to anything."

"For once I'm completely in agreement with my partner. I'm not going down there. Do you know what those things can do? Suck the paint off your house and give your family a permanent orange afro."

"[rescuing Fitz-Hume] You know, I must really like you, because I don't like horses and I hate guns!"

"[Arguing surgical techniques) with a doctor] We mock what we don't understand."

"Can I borrow your tent?"

"My objective? Well I object to taking a girl out, you know, and buying her dinner and then she won't put out for you."

"Are there any Paraguayans here? [subtle laugh from the reporters] Well, of course, their requests for subsidies was not Paraguayan in and of it is as it were the United States government would never have if the president, our president, had not and as far as I know that's the way it will always be. Is that clear?"

"Tisha Campbell-Martin - Sledge"

"Jeff Fischer in some parts"

"Bob Uecker - Trixie Uecker"

"Stephen Tobolowsky - Bando"

"Sinbad - Riley"

"Jon Polito - Ashcan"

"Al Michaels - Sparky Michaels"

"Ross Malinger - Spike"

"Tress MacNeille - French Poodle"

"Tommy Lasorda - Lucky Lasorda"

"Carla Gugino - Delilah"

"Adam Goldberg - Pete"

"Can somebody tell me why I keep following Dumb and Dumber?!"

"Does the cat always have to be the brains of the operation? Beauty and brains? I never cease to amaze myself."

"[After being dazed by Chance] Oh, I don't feel well...I am going to hurt you."

"[Chance has underwear stuck on his head] Ooh, Chance, take it off! Take it all off! [hums an "exotic dance" tune]"

"[Closing line, eating the pizza] You know, I can't think of a happier ending."

"There's only one thing I know that could make this moment more perfect. [the pizza car arrives] In fact, I think I smell it coming up the driveway right now. I'm smelling pepperoni, I'm smelling mushrooms, I'm smelling anchovies! I'm smelling three-- no, no, four, four kinds of cheese! It could be! It might be! It is! IT'S PIZZA!"

"Jamie? Is that you? Wait, what am I talking about? Of course, it's you! It's really you! I found you! I found my boy! I found my Jamie! Oh, I'm so happy! Oh, I could just lick you for days! Give me a hug!"

"I'd always heard love hurts. I never knew it could hurt this much. It was like getting a bath, missing dinner and going to the vet all rolled into one. I tell you, I was one sad puppy."

"So we walked...and walked...and just for a little change of pace, we walked some more. Questions began racing through my mind. Where were we? How were we gonna get home? Who decided a Chihuahua was a dog? And, most importantly, when were we gonna eat?"