"[Just before the second attempt at "big red rocket"] Even if the rocket doesn't blow up on me this time, there's really not a lot of great ways for it to end, anyway."

"[While gagging after Pontius drinking horse semen] I never puke ever, and I really almost puked then."

"[After Steve-O does the butt chug] He's peeing like a girl!"

"This is REALLY gonna suck!"

"[Preparing Steve-O for the butt chug] I'm staring right down Main Street and it's not looking any good at all."

"[After taking a fall] My head stopped my body from getting really hurt on that."

"Okay, who brought crabs to the party? [Laughs] One of the guys had crabs!"

"[After getting shot by riot explosive] Is this okay? [Points to face] Then we're good."

"It's gonna hurt a lot, but it's just loud."

"If your asshole can't see the camera, the camera can't see you asshole."

"Rectal bleeding... another first for Jackass."

"Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, welcome to Jackass!"

"I do not want to destroy them."

"Christopher Warren Jr. — Xander"

"Kevin G. Schmidt — Ryan Edwards"

"Kathryn Joosten — Aunt "Popcorn" Jackie Seville"

"Anjelah Johnson — Julie Ortega"

"Wendie Malick — Dr. Rubin"

"Christina Applegate — voice of Brittany"

"Anna Faris — voice of Jeanette"

"Amy Poehler — voice of Eleanor"

"Jesse McCartney — voice of Theodore"

"Matthew Gray Gubler — voice of Simon"

"Justin Long — voice of Alvin"

"Jason Lee — Dave Seville"

"David Cross — Ian Hawke"

"Zachary Levi — Toby Seville"

"We either sing together, or not at all!"

"You know, Alvin? Ian was right. You do not care about anyone but yourself. [begins to leave but turns around] Oh, and by the way, I never wanted to win this way."

"We are so going to destroy those Chipmunks!"

"Nada. Simon?"

"Simon, does this make my butt look smaller?"

"[after the Eagle mascot falls down the stairs] That was not very fun-ish."

"We can play Monopoly. We play Monopoly with Dave all the time."

"Guys, it's a wedge-tail eagle! Their only mortal enemy is the pygmy elephant. Luckily, I speak a little pachyderm."

"[not pleased to see Ian] I thought I smelled a rat."

"[while playing dodgeball] Glasses! Glasses! You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?! [gets hit by a dodgeball] Right in the pancreas."

"Oh, you have got to be joking. A taco? In a blanket? Toby!"

"I thought Alvin was messy. This is literally disgusting. I feel like I'm living in a dumpster!"

"[to an eagle as it is about to harm Theodore] Look, um...I get why you want Theodore. I do. But I'm sorry, I cannot let that happen. He's my brother. Not that he'd know that, because I've been such a big jerk lately. [Theodore smiles at Alvin, forgiving him] If anyone deserves to be eaten, it's me. [The eagle closes in on Alvin] Whoa! Not literally!"

"[to Simon after finding him in the dumpster] Okay. I am a total jerk. I admit it. So, are we cool, now? [holds out his hand for Simon to shake but Simon violently pulls him in the dumpster and starts wrestling him]"