The Apprentice (British TV series)

"Lord Sugar: I've read all your CV's and on paper you all look good, but so does fish and chips"

"Lord Sugar: It's sink or swim and as you've learnt by now, I don't do life-jackets."

"Dan Harris: Come on! WHO IS DOING THE MINCING?"

"Raleigh Addington: Lord Sugar, yesterday I was let down by a team leader who's like a bull in a china shop! He crashes into people, he upsets people. (Chris and Alex look at him somewhat surprised) He was so aggressive and such thuggish with other members of his team, he just shouts at us,he just doesn't let us get on with our jobs. He was always looking over my shoulder, (Sir Alan, now Lord Sugar, also watches Raleigh surprised) I wanted to sell things and I didn't get that opportunity! It wasn't fair, it was shameful!"

"Stuart Baggs: Everything I touch turns to sold."

"Jamie Lester: It was cringeable."

"Stuart Baggs: Dan, how many sausages did you make yesterday? Dan Harris: What I did was manage the team that produced eleven hundred sausages. Stuart Baggs: [Pressing keys on an invisible calculator] So, that's on a calculator...nought,"

"Stuart Baggs: If you give me a hundred grand a year, I will deliver to you ten times that and if I don't take it back. I'll give it back to you, a money back guarentee. I'm that confident. And that's why you shouldn't fire me Lord Sugar. Lord Sugar: I had an offer like that from Nigeria once."

"Raleigh Addington: Nobody knew what their job was! Dan Harris: EVERYBODY knew what their job was! If you had been listening, you would have known what your job was!"

"(Wanting to sell some sausages, Dan approaches a hotel and presses the intercom) Over the intercom: Hello? Dan Harris: Hello. Want some sausages?"

"Lord Sugar: I think you had your chance, you blew it. Dan, You're Fired!"

"Shibby Robati: (on Dan Harris) First impressions: Non."

"Dan Harris: (to Shibby Robati) Shibby, what the fuck are you doing?!"

"Karren Brady: You sold fourteen packs. Stuart Baggs: (somewhat surprised) Fourteen packs?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Three zeroes? That's a record... a terrible record. Karren Brady: They refused exclusivity to the MAJOR high street retailer! Nick Hewer: If one good thing came out of this, Stella kept this lot together[boys team] whist the girls were squabbling all over each other. Sir Alan Sugar: See that Karren, that's women power right their. Karren Brady: I've been telling you for years."

"Karren Brady:You are representing businesswomen today, one of which I am. And I have to say, it is outrageous the way you're behaving. 75% of my management team are women, and I've never come across anything like this. And I think you have to remember who you're representing in this process. Young women out there who want to have an opportunity to do this - you should be an example to them."

"Lord Sugar: (after Apollo's argument) This is like watching a bunch of bloody amateurs!"

"Laura Moore: I'm going to bring back, Joanna and... (about 7 seconds later) I would like to bring back Sandeesh, sorry. (Sandeesh scoffs Laura's choice)"

"Lord Sugar: (to Joy) You're Fired! Joy Stefanicki: Man!"

"Stella English: (as she is modelling for the "Cuuli" towel) Don't look at me Nick! Just don't!"

"Karren Brady: How hard is it to stand with a megaphone and shout 'muffins'?"

"Shibby Robati: I have two ears and one mouth, and I'm going to use them in that ratio."

"Paloma Vivanco: [to Shibby] I'm a businesswoman, and you're a joke!"

"Lord Sugar: You'll be more accustomed to this than me Shibby, after I say to you that after a thorough examination I have got some bad news for you. (After looking away from Lord Sugar for much of Lord Sugar's deliberations, Shibby looks up for a second, then looks down again for another second then back up again.) You're fired."

"Sandeesh Samra: Babies can't speak to you."

"Karren Brady: [to Melissa] The feedback was that you were very annoying."

"Melissa Cohen: [to Jamie and Stuart] Well done for ganging up on me. Horrible people."

"Melissa Cohen: Some people have set out to get me, and they've succeeded. Karmically, they will be retributed. The universe speaks louder than I do."

"Christopher Farrell: Call themselves salespeople? Bollocks!"

"Melissa Cohen: There was no room for manoeuvrement!"

"Lord Sugar: Stuart, you're young I know. But this is not kindergarten!"

"Jamie Lester: (on what he thinks the task will be) Science Museum. So it's gonna be something to do with science, or museums."

"Nick Hewer: Behind me, you can see Stella wearing a very short, sequinned, emerald green dress, waving at people from a window. Amsterdam, maybe, but not in Manchester."

"Alex Epstein: How about we tell people we opened the store today, and we've got Fearne Cotton and Alesha Dixon in the store? Sandeesh Samra: Because that would be a lie?"

"Lord Sugar: I don't like your last outbursts...and I don't like what I've seen across the table here today. You've talked yourself out of this. If you'd shut up a while back, it may be someone else going. Paloma, you're fired."

"Alex Epstein: If I was an apple pie, the apples inside would be orange."

"Laura Moore: [suggesting a name for a cleaning product] Blitz? Alex Epstein: The Blitz was a big bombing thing, wasn't it, years ago, like the Blitz in London? Laura Moore: But 'blitz clean', that's a word that people use... Alex Epstein: I think most people that were alive then are dead anyway."

"Stuart Baggs: Hasta la vista, gravy."

"Stuart Baggs: [gravelly American accent] Coming to a kitchen or bathroom near you. There'll be no mercy...only total devastation."

"Stuart Baggs: Influenza's going to be Cockney. [Cockney accent] 'Let's hide down 'ere. Dey won't find us down 'ere, mate.' [take two, as Influenza] 'Don't worry, E.coli. Come an' 'ide down 'ere wiv me. No cleaner cleans this deep.' [whiny voice, as E.coli] 'Oh no, it's the Germ-o-nator! Urrrrgh!'"

"Nick Hewer: The first time an octopus was mentioned, it was mentioned by the woman at the focus group, and as soon as she mentioned octopus, you were all over it like a tramp on chips."

"Lord Sugar: [on Apollo's final product] This thing is the most horrible thing I've seen in the bathroom since Psycho."

"Stuart Baggs: If Alex comes back, I will genuinely eat an item of clothing from every single one of you."

"Alex Epstein: WHEN!!"

"Lord Sugar: (to Alex shortly before firing him) It is with regret that having given you the change and opportunity, Alex that I'm going to have to say to you, you're fired. Alex Epstein: Nice to meet you Lord Sugar, likewise Nick and Karren. Thank you very much indeed."

"Stuart Baggs: [while filming the backdrop at Brands Hatch] I have to rein in my extreme masculinity in this task."

"Nick Hewer: [Stuart Baggs'] leadership style leaves me trembling with irritation."

"Stella English: Lucky for us that you made so many screw-ups, because you could have actually won. You should have won."

"Stuart Baggs: [As Stella] "I can't do anything for myself, I need it all spoon fed to me. [starts making gestures] Where's my spoon? Where's my spoon?""

"Alex Mills: (on Zeeshaan) We've had know-it-all come in, thinks he knows it all, he's about as much use as a chocolate teapot."