"I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich."

"Wanna find the ugliest stuff in the store and register Tess for it?"

"Love is patient, love is kind, love means slowly losing your mind."

"You kind of look like a shiny mermaid."

"You'd rather focus on other people's Kodak moments than make memories of your own!"

"That's great. I spend two days in bed with a guy and you get flowers."

"He asks if you want a drink. You smile and say, "Vodka soda". If you already have a drink, you down it. Then there's …"

"What good is it being appreciated if no one is naked?"

"Hey, do you wanna come over to my place before the party? Some of the guys from Shipping are coming and they're bring…"

"You would rather hang out with Italian models than come with me to my awesome work party?"