"The diseases a mother can pass to her baby are : Toxoplasmosis, Other (meaning syphilis and HIV), Rubella, Cytomegalovirus, and Herpes. It helps if you can picture a mother passing the torch to her baby."

"A little muscle twitch means rabies, means muscle cramps, thrist, confusion, and drooling, followed by seizures, coma, death. Acne means ovarian cysts. Feeling a little tired means tuberculosis. Bloodshot eyes mean meningitis. Drowsiness is the first sign of typhoid. Those floaters you see cross your eyes on sunny days, they mean your retina is detaching. You're going blind."

"This is the world we live in. I've been there, taken the MCAT. The Medical College Admission Test. I went to the USC School of Medicine long enough to know that a mole is never just a mole. That a simple headache means brain tumors, means double vision, numbness, vomiting followed by seizures, drowsiness, death."

""The way to remember the symptoms of melanoma is the letters ABCD."

"The world won't end with a whimper or a bang, but with a discreet, tasteful announcement: 'Bill Rivervale, phone call holding, line two.' Then nothing."

"Just keep asking yourself: 'What would Jesus NOT do?'"

"So if you think this is going to save you..."

"There's an opposite to Deja vu. They call it jamais vu. It's when you meet the same people or visit places, again and again, but each time is the first. Everybody is a stranger. Nothing is ever familiar."

"Her attention span is about a clock tick long, and you can shove her on to a more pleasant topic. You can guess this is how men have been handling Eva's hostility for her whole life. Just distract her. Get through the moment. Avoid confrontation. Run away."

"... if enough people looked at you, you'd never need anybody's attention ever again. That if someday you were caught, exposed and revealed enough, then you'd never be able to hide again. There'd be no difference between your public and your private lives."

"(about Colonial Dunsboro) We're all trapped. It's always 1734. All of us, we're stuck in the same time capsule, the same as those television shows where the same people are marooned on the same desert island for thirty seasons and never age or escape. They just wear more makeup. In a creepy way, those shows are maybe too authentic."

"...Because the moment this is over, we'll hate each other. The moment we find ourselves cold and sweating on the bathroom floor, the moment after we both come, we won't want to even look at each other. The only we person we'll hate more than each other is ourselves."

"The half-moon looks up at us, reflected in a silver pie tin of beer. [...] Denny drinks about half the beer and says, "This is how they drink beer in Europe, dude." Out of slug traps? "No, dude," Denny says. He hands me the pie tin and says "Flat and warm.""

"We can spend our lives letting the world tell us who we are. Sane or insane. Saints or sex addicts. Heros or victims. Letting history tell us how good or bad we are. Letting our past decide our future. Or we can decide for ourselves."

"It's creepy, but here we are, the Pilgrims, the crackpots of our time trying to establish our own alternative reality. To build a world out of rocks and chaos."

"Even after all that rushing around, where we've ended up is the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. And maybe knowing isn't the point."

"You gain power by pretending to be weak. By contrast, you make people feel so strong. You save people by letting them save you. All you have to do is be fragile and grateful. So stay the underdog... You're the proof of their courage. The proof they were a hero. Evidence of their success... You might be the one good deed, the deathbed memory that justifies their entire existence. [pg 50-51]"

"Sponges don't have bad days."

"Nobody can expect you to remember every near-death experience."

"(Insert word) isn't the right word, but it's the first word that comes to mind."

"I mean, I'm just tired of being wrong all the time just because I'm a guy."

"The only thing that separates us from the animals...is we have pornography."

"A good addiction takes the guesswork out of death."

"How can it be prostitution if all the women were dead?"

"By the time you're thirty, your worst enemy is yourself."

"We've taken the world apart but we have no idea what to do with the pieces."

"The magic of sex is it's acquisition without the burden of possessions. No matter how many women you take home, there's never a storage problem."

"Every son raised by a single mom is pretty much born married"

"Art never comes from happiness"

"Nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it."

"The magic of sexual addiction is you don't ever feel hungry or tired or bored or lonely."

"All women have to do is get naked, and we give them all our money. I mean, why are we such slaves?"

"In America, if your addiction isn't always new and improved, you're a failure."

"It's the martyrdom of Saint Me."

"Torture is torture and humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer."

"Masochism is a valuable job skill."

"When people dance to fire alarms and gun shots, something is wrong."

"Parenthood being the opiate of the masses."

"Without access to true chaos we'll never have true peace."

"...maybe it's our job to invent something better. What's it going to be, I don't know...and maybe knowing isn't the point."

"We can spend our lives letting the world tell us who we are...Or we can decide for ourselves."

"Whoever invented this routine, the agent tells me, they pretty much run things in hell."

"And the sky is blue and righteous in every direction."