"I don't know why a 57-year-old man would loan an 18-year-old cashier at Whole Foods $250. I don't know why a man would do that. But I can tell you one thing: my husband's not going to Whole Foods anymore."

"Don't be a wise guy in here, sir. There's only one wise person in here - and that's Byrd."

"Your lawsuit is such a crock of baloney."

"NO it wasn't a gift, you FOOL!"

"I don't care about your stress! You should care about my stress; I'm older than you are! (25 Aug 2016 show)"

"after throwing the defendant and his witness out of the courtroom: I have other things to do today. I have to get home! [points to her wristwatch] JUDGE JUDY IS ON!!! [audience laughs]"

"(To a legal intern) Would you mind telling me who you blackmailed, bribed, or slept with to get that diploma? I'd like to mail them a sympathy card."

"Let me tell you something: if you live to be a hundred, you'll never be as smart as I am in one finger."

"(To a football player) If you lie to me, I'll mop the floor with you worse than anyone who's ever tackled you."

"...Did you just call me Nurse Ratched!? Byrd. Get rid of him. Now."

"Mr. Britton, don't be a wise guy, because I'm gonna mop up the floor with you if you're a wise guy to me. This is my playpen, not yours."

"DON'T SPEAK! See how fast I can get the smile off your face?"

"If I could fine you for stupid, I would fine you for stupid."

"(To a law student) Does the word "shyster" mean anything to you?"

"I'm not 25, and I'm not 5'8". But I know when someone is pulling my leg."

"Let me tell you something. This is my playpen, and I get the last word."

"to a defendant's witness wearing torn jeans: I'm looking in your direction trying to figure out whether you accidentally tripped on your way coming into court today, or whether you selected those pants because you thought that they were attractive."

"I mean, did you think I was just a fake person here, that they picked out of, you know, that they picked out of a supermarket? Didn't you think that I had any legal experience at all, sir?"

"I want you to stop getting hysterical over NOTHING!"

"I got you ten ways from Sunday, madam!"

"Let me explain something to you, Fresh Mouth: I'm the only one who makes jokes."

"Whoever you think you are, you do not talk to me that way. Not ever. I am not your daughter. How you speak to your own child in your own house is your own business. You can make her cry for all I care; she's your kid, not mine. But that's her, it isn't me. Or can't you tell the two of us apart? Because if you can't, then you've got a far more serious problem than the one that brought you here today. That bigger problem is Byrd."

"You're irritating me. It's not a good thing to start off by irritating the person who's supposed to decide your case."

"after someone in audience applauds, causing plaintiff to burst into tears: If there's any more noise from our gallery, you're gonna leave. Got it?"

"to a defendant who called the plaintiff a "witch" after the judge ruled in the plaintiff's favor: You gotta learn to behave yourself, madam. I have a feeling you have a pretty hot temper - not as hot as mine. That's all - out!"

"Did that sound like a rhetorical question? It wasn't. I want you to answer it, capisce? Now, THAT was a rhetorical question! See the difference?"

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to have a good memory. If you lie, you're always tripping over your own tie. ("If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" - Mark Twain)"

"to a defendant raising his hand to speak while plaintiff is speaking: You wanna lose, fast?"

"PUT YOUR HAND DOWN!"

"Why don't you SHUT UP and listen?!"

"said on nearly every episode, when interrupted by a litigant: I'm speaking!"

"to a defendant's witness wearing a T-shirt reading "BEER EQUALS FUN": Mr. Gordon, that's a ridiculous shirt that you chose to wear to court today. ... I don't know what kind of statement you thought you were making, but if you wanted to leave the impression on this piece of tape that you're going to have on posterity for your children that you are an intelligent, thinking person, that shirt you're wearing belies that fact."

""Yep" is not an answer!"

"You're going to keep your mouth shut until I come to you and ask you a question, then you're going to speak; otherwise Byrd will take you outside until you understand the rules, 'cause here, I'm in charge."

"There's just one person who's allowed to ask, or answer, rhetorical questions in my courtroom -- and that's me! Understand? No, don't answer! There you go again."

"to a defendant who claimed he was receiving Worker's Compensation for a bad knee: Well, what did you think you were going to do for UPS, deliver babies?"

"The Rock: I need to take this moment, and I need to tell you something as Dwayne. It's been a long time since I've been back. Seven years to be exact; but I want to take this moment, in the middle of this ring, to tell you why I'm back. It's not because of the money. It's not to promote a movie. I am back in the middle of this ring because of you. When I left - when I left the WWE seven years ago I dreamed big, and you guys dreamed big with me. You helped me accomplish my goals - accomplish my dreams - because you never. left. my side; and I wanna take this moment to tell you all here - you're live here - millions watching around the world. I wanna tell you thank you. I love you, and it is because of you that I am back in this ring, and it is because of you - and I give you my word - I am never ever going away. Simply put, ladies and gentlemen, The Rock is back!"

"The wok: I have so much love and respect for the fans. I'll never forget where I came from. I love the business. I grew up in the business. And everyone always asks me, from Letterman to Stone Phillips, what I miss about wrestling. Hands down, I miss the interaction with the fans. Outside of the ring I loved it, too. I mean, how hard is it to sign an autograph? Don't be an asshole to your fans. And there's many [in WWE] that won't, which is bullshit. But inside the ring, just that energy and feeding off that energy is great. There's something so special about it. And every night I would just have a blueprint of what I would say and rely so much on ad-libbing and waiting to see what happens when I get out there and let it materialize organically and see what happens. Every night was a different crowd and they gave me so much energy, and I'll always love that and always miss that for sure."

"After 7 long years, Finally, FINALLY, FINALLY, The Rock has come back to Anaheim! Which means FINALLY, The Rock has come back to Monday Night Raw! Which means FINALLY, The Rock HAS COME BACK... home."

"The Rock: Michael Cole, Is that what you think? Michael Cole: I'll tell you what I think... The Rock: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!"

"The Rock: And I quote: You know your damn role and Shut Your Damn Mouth!"

"Somehow, you need to cling to your optimism. Always look for the silver lining. Always look for the best in people. Try to see things through the eyes of a child. See the wonder in the simplest things. Never stop dreaming. Believe anything is possible."

"Let me assure you, nothing in this life feels better than having the confidence that you can take care of yourself and your family and know that you can continue to grow and excel in your profession and as a person."

"There is absolutely no substitute for hard work."

"Don't look over your shoulder and don't use or abuse others to get ahead. Keep your eyes focused on your goals and keep working for what you believe in and what you want to accomplish."

"Dare to fail. If you never fail, you're never taken risks and that's no way to take on this life."

"Seize every opportunity you have to learn. Keep your eyes and ears wide open and seize life — don't let the moments slip through your fingers like a fistful of sand. Be your own teacher. Let life write your textbook."

"For me, success is being able to give back to your friends, your family, your community, those in need and the world entire."

"Embrace every challenge you have, every person you meet, every place you visit, every task you succeed at, and especially those at which you fail. You will learn from them all. You'll learn about the world at large and about other people but most important, you'll learn about yourself."