Midlife Crisis Films

"Lori Loughlin - Amanda Reed"

"[reading fine print from one of Dan's prescription bottles] Watch out for sudden loss of depth perception?"

"Not in *any* sense of word."

"Circle of Trust."

"Laura Dern — Prudence"

"What are you talking about? You were his golden boy."

"Don't do that."

"Really? He said that to you?"

"Colin Baiocchi — Henry Focker"

"Yes. Even after that. It's still... It's all good. It's all good under the hood."

"Yeah, well I have eyes too. So I'll be watching you... watching me."

"Jessica Alba — Andi Garcia"

"[sarcastically] Our dear friend the Buddha? How's he doing? It's been so long. Do you ever listen to yourself?"

"Yeah. The pulse on your carotid antery remained steady as you pleaded your innocence."

"Daisy Tahan — Sam Focker"

"Nobody's tempted, nobody..."

"You're not going to erase my son's memory."

"To Pam? Are you kidding? Yes. Jack, there's never been a problem with that."

"[to his cat after seeing the remixed video of Greg's rant] That's the Godfocker? [cat hisses]"

"Teri Polo — Pam Byrnes-Focker"

"Dr. Bob. Scumbag."

"Well, I got good news for you. You're not Jesus."

"Greg, he saw his father inject a needle into his grandfather's penis. He already had issues. That's something he might never recover from."

"Mmm. Well, I think Harvard's cheaper."

"What wheel?"

"He's not a doctor."

"I'm not gay myself. But if I were gay, I would certainly be proud to choose a life partner like Gay Focker. And that's his actual name."

"Could you and Dad keep it down, please?"

"Sam might be three quarters Byrnes, whereas Henry could very well have a double dose of Focker in him. Double dose."

"If I go down, Greg, I need to know someone will be responsible for the whole Byrnes clan. So I ask you, Greg, are you prepared to be... the Godfocker?"

"[after meeting Andi] Wow, you told me she sold boner medicine, Greg. You didn't tell me she *is* boner medicine."

"Focker, there is no way I'm going to an ER room with this thing. Now you need to stick me and you need to stick me now! I'm having a dick attack! Stick me!"

"Dustin Hoffman — Bernie Focker"

"I'm getting off the wheel."

"Kevin Hart — Nurse Louis"

"Blythe Danner — Dina Byrnes"

"Hey, Bernie!"

"I know you were telling the truth about Andi, Greg."

"[about The Early Human School] It's actually considered the Harvard of kindergartens."

"I never went soft on you."

"Let me talk. Listen, will you?"

"I pulled my hamstring doing a reverse cowgirl!"

"But do it only when it's dry. Don't do a wet one."

"[to Roz, on a three-way call with Greg] Why can't you support my dreams the way I've always supported yours? When you wanted to try new sex positions for your research, I was your guinea pig!"

"My two cents. The way you deal with Jack, no matter what he does, just smother that guy with kisses. He'll be putty in your hands."

"You kids wanna pick your nose and flick your boogers? Do it!"

"Barbra Streisand — Roz Focker"

"Bernie, do you hear how you're upsetting your son?"

"As an early Hannukah present, I'm going to send you and Pam a box of these musical condoms."

"Greg, he's not responding to my treatment."