"One the main things you want to make sure is that you have a very misleading title, no matter what your video is about. Whether it's animal cruelty, a vlog, something that pertains to cheese. Just make sure that in the title you have something about big boobs, blondes, dancing, slutty girls, or something pertaining to a vaginal nature."

"IF YOU AREN'T UPFRONT ABOUT YOUR SPONSORSHIPS, YOU ARE LYING TO YOUR AUDIENCE AND YOU'RE BEING A DIRTY SHADY CUNT."

"When you cut out a man's tongue, you make his words matter that much more."

"Your question is misleading. The title of the video is "R.I.P Sean Kingston & other things the internet got wrong". RIP Sean Kingston was a twitter trending topic and I was talking about how the internet got it wrong and then talked about his crash where he was injured but had not been killed."

"I was a loser for 17 years before I finally left my moms house because she was an alcoholic that liked to fight with my abusive step dad a bit too much, I lost my first “real” job at a movie theater for letting my boss perform the oral on me, I spent most of my college years drinking bacardi 151, doing whip-its, and being way too concerned that my girlfriend was cheating on me; spoiler alert, she was and when I broke up with her she fucked her boss at Sonics 24 hours later which really sucked because I loved their onion rings for lunch, so then I jumped into a life of bootlegging DVDs on Ebay..."

"My parents were divorced and my mom had massive anger problems. She always knew I loved my dad more and it infuriated her. One time in particular I got "caught" talking to my dad on the phone even though my mom had banned me from speaking with him. She was furious. She whipped off her belt and just went to town. Legs, arm, neck, and back (Much like Judge Adams). Its one of the reasons I find it hard to love her. But the one silver lining that I take away from it is I will never beat my child. I will never be any of the terrible things my mom was. I've never shared that before."

"I'm like a black guy, I also like chicken, playing basketball, banging white chicks, and collecting welfare."

"Here's the thing. You said a "jackdaw is a crow." Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that. As someone who is a scientist who studies crows, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls jackdaws crows. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing. If you're saying "crow family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Corvidae, which includes things from nutcrackers to blue jays to ravens. So your reasoning for calling a jackdaw a crow is because random people "call the black ones crows?" Let's get grackles and blackbirds in there, then, too. Also, calling someone a human or an ape? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A jackdaw is a jackdaw and a member of the crow family. But that's not what you said. You said a jackdaw is a crow, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the crow family crows, which means you'd call blue jays, ravens, and other birds crows, too. Which you said you don't. It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?"

"Biologist here!"

"Howdy! That's a great question, actually. The reason we fart is due to needing to periodically release gases that build up during digestion. During the digestion process of the foods you eat, naturally occurring beneficial bacteria in your body metabolize (i.e. convert the food in your body to useable energy) and produce waste as a result, some of which is the gas that makes up farts. This is typically where the methane (CH4) in farts comes from, the rest of the fart volume being from air swallowed during the course of the day. For animals like spiders and insects, there are similar processes! Some animals like termites, for example, better match us as they, too, have methane-producing bacteria in their guts which helps them break down wood! For other animals, other digestive processes make waste products and sometimes gas, so yes, spiders (and insects) do fart, in a sense! Since their exoskeletons are generally rigid, though, they may not produce the sound we associate with farting, thus, you might say that most spider and insect farts are "silent but deadly"!"

"You were transparent a minute ago!"

"Okay, so tiny…Build's… Waaait a second…"

"What the 'ell just happened?!"

"I. Want. The. Hat!"

"Engaging Dance Mode!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, my name is TotalBiscuit. I'm here to ask and answer one simple question: W-T-F is Day One: Garry's Incident?" [Beat] "Garry with two R's, so you know he's serious."

"You hear them? Everyone instantly died. And I have no idea why."

"Behold: my amazing fighting technique, passed down from generation to generation in the illustrious Garry line. Anyway, as I was saying…"

"Oh look, everybody instantly died again! What the hell was that? What killed me?"

"What?! Where the hell did that come from?!" … "Behold! The worst textured panther in the history of video games!"

"What the hell killed me?! I had half health! Why did I just immediately die?! I don't understand what's happening!"

"Maybe it has quick save?" [Silence.] "…No. Of—Of course, that would be asking too much."

"You better save regularly if you intend to play this, 'cause you will just…die. From anything! At random! With no prior warning!"

"I'm pretty sure that macaw is also…up to no good…"

"Can I… WHAT?! Whaaaaat?! I hit him five times—three times in the back and he doesn't even know that I'm here!" [laughs] "Why is this game?! I'm not even gonna ask what is this game!"

"What?! Now he realizes?! Oh—screw everything about this! I'm sorry; I can't take another minute of this dreadful thing!"

"[groan] "I—It is—What is it with this year and awful video games?! We've had Ride to Hell: Retribution, and we've had this, and I don't know which is worse.""

"Behold! The Floating Aborigine Tribesman thingy! And his—"

"This is a full release…! This is a full release! It is not Early Access! This is not a beta, guys! Seriously, I am not lying to you! And this is after about three patches! This game is a f**king disaster!"

"It is a wasted concept [by] a studio that evidently does not have the talent necessary to create something of this complexity, and my god did they screw it up! This is this year's Revelations 2012! And more to the point—it's even got a Revelations 2012 armgun! It's—[beat]—god…! It is…just…horrendously bad!"

"This monkey is running backwards and forwards! This tribesman right here—" [starts swinging his machete in an attempt to get the tribesman's attention] "Hi."

"Let me guess: if I stand up, he's gonna see me immediately?" [stands up; tribesman attacks him] "Of course."

"So, if all you do with WTF Is…? is to figure out whether or not a game is worth buying, you can just stop watching right now. It isn't. You should avoid it like the plague, because it is absolutely terrible. If you're curious as to why, however…" [chuckles] "Oh, I will show you."

"[demonstrating the pickpocket mechanic] "I kid you not. That's actually Garry's Incident level of terrible.""

"[watching a character's ridiculous idle animation] "Who—? Nobody—Nobody does that!""

"Are you ready for the jumpscare? …No, you're not."

"I now present to you the fairest maiden—what the hell is wrong with your face?"

"Oh, fair maiden… If only I could fix the voids that exist in your fair…visage… Ugh!" [laughs incredulously] "That's one hell of a makeup accident."

"Oh no—I can clip through the rock, too. You are f**king kidding me."

"I think we may have found 2014's Garry's Incident. Ho-lee sh*t."

"'What do you think you're doing?! Helps to have a map!' Also, 'Can you find the missing parts of my face?'"

"Don't even tell me about the map. Don't even. Where's the keyhole?"

"They didn't render a keyhole! …F**k!"

"We will not join enemy server." [catches himself] "'Enemy server', what? Let's try that again—empty server. I do want enemies."

"So. What's missing? Well, there's no crosshairs."

"…Why am I even whispering? It's not like they're actually gonna hear me."

"…So really, it's just y—" [enemy player kills him] "—oh, dammit!—you, your gun, and your friends."

"Oh, goddamn! What the hell?!" [opens fire, then laughs] "Suppressing fire!"

"[to a teammate, who just shot at him] "I[t]—Don't shoot me!" [chuckles] "What's wrong with you?""

"[about Phil Fish leaving the game industry] "My first reaction, when thinking about covering this, was just to finish by saying, 'NNNope!' and go straight onto the next segment.""