First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"[to his children] You kids suck; you're good at everything!"
"Rob Schneider - Ula"
"Drew Barrymore - Lucy Whitmore"
"My shirt size is medium husky."
"Adam Sandler - Henry Roth"
"Alexa: [After an aborted one-night stand with a woman] I guess I prefer sausage to taco."
"[About Henry's drawing on a napkin] Can I have that? I need something to wipe my ass with."
"Are you staring at me or her? 'Cause you're starting to freak me out."
"[at the Callahan Institute, to Doug] Don't you think you're a little old to still be having wet dreams? (laughter) Hi, I'm Tom!"
"[repeated line] There's nothing like a first kiss.."
"[repeated line] Hi, I'm Tom!"
"[falls through the deck of Henry's boat up to his chest] I think I pulled out my stitches again, Cuz. [pause] You got a cat? 'Cause I feel somethin' lickin' me."
"I have no life."
"Sorry I'm not better lookin’."
"[using Willy to try and get Lucy's attention on the side of the road]"
"Hey, Ula! Get back to cleaning the pool! And if that's one of your special brownies, don't let any of the dolphins eat that."
"Can I have one last first kiss?"
"Get your brother out of the dishwasher!"
"[Pretending to be Lucy for the video] Aquariums make me super horny."
"[after Henry woke up dazed and confused] Your golf ball hit the cart, bounced back and hit ya in the head. It was freakin' hilarious."
"Happy birthday, sir. What are you, like, 200 today?"