"[reading the asylum journals] He came into her room at night wearing a black robe. He'd take her and drive her to a wooded area where her grandparents and her mother were, and they'd all have black robes on. They'd take them off and group orgies would ensue... and then they'd bring out the newborn. She was forced to watch as her mother would cut the baby's heart out with a stone dagger. She'd drink the blood; others would eat the flesh. The grandfather and father would fuck her repeatedly. She was forced to have abortions and cook the aborted fetuses."

"The icepick method. Insert a thin metal pipette into the orbital frontal cortex. Enter the soft tissue of the frontal lobe. A few simple, smooth, up-and-down jerks sever the lateral hypothalamus... all resulting in a rapid reduction of stress for our little patient here. Total time elapsed? Two minutes. Only side-effect? Black eye. Recommended treatment? Sunglasses."

"Madness is just overactive curiosity."

"[crying while sitting on the floor of the mental hospital, holding a dead cellular phone] ...Wendy, it's me, please don't hang up, please! I just wanted to say that... I'm so sorry for what's happened... I'm so lonely here, I want to go home... I just want to hold you, I want to hold my baby... can you forgive me... can you forgive me?"

"He's engaged! She's got the six-carat Harry Winston on her bony, unpolished finger."

"Meet Elle Woods. She's a lawyer with a heart of gold...and a mane to match!"

"Believing In Yourself NEVER Goes Out Of Style!"

"Don't judge a book by its hair color!"

"Blondes DO have more fun!"

"Boldly going where no blonde has gone."

"This summer go blonde!"

"Ali Larter - Brooke Wyndham"

"Jennifer Coolidge - Paulette Bonafonté"

"Selma Blair - Vivian Kensington"

"Victor Garber - Professor Callahan"

"Luke Wilson - Emmett Richmond"

"Matthew Davis - Warner Huntington III"

"And two weeks ago, I killed Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, when I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed!"

"Reese Witherspoon - Elle Woods"

"Maurice: Oh, my God, the bend and snap! Works every time."

"Professor Stromwell: A legal education means you will learn to speak in a new language. You will be taught to achieve insight into the world around you. And to sharply question what you know."

"Professor Stromwell: If you're going to let one stupid prick ruin your life, you're not the girl I thought you were."

"Aaron Mitchell: I was first in my class at Princeton, I have an I.Q. of a hundred and eighty-seven, and it's been suggested that Stephen Hawking stole his Brief History of Time…from my fourth grade paper."

"Elle's father: Law school is for people who are boring, and ugly, and…serious. And you, Button, are none of those things."

"[to her ex-husband] I'm takin' the dog, Dumbass!"

"Could I have been anymore goddamn spastic?"

"[Elle is in tears at the salon after she finds out Warner dumped her for her new rival, Vivian] So, what does this Vivian got that you don't got - three tits?"

"Do you think she just woke up one morning and said, 'I think I'll go to law school today'?"

"You know, being a blonde is actually a pretty powerful thing. You hold more cards than you think you do. And I, for one, would like to see you take that power and channel it toward the greater good, you know?"

"[Speaking at the class graduation as valedictorian in Harvard.] On my very first day at Harvard, a very wise professor quoted Aristotle, "The law is reason free from passion"; Well, no offence to Aristotle, but in my three years at Harvard, I have come to find passion is the key ingredient to the study and practice of law, and of life. It is with passion, courage of conviction, and strong sense of self that we take our next steps into the world. Remembering that first impressions are not always correct, you must always have faith in people, and most importantly you must always have faith in yourself. Congratulations, Class of 2004... [excited] We did it!"

"[to Warner] I've been waiting for a long time for you to say that. But if I'm going to be a partner in a law firm by the time I'm 30, I need a boyfriend who's not such a complete bonehead."

"I'll show you how valuable Elle Woods can be!"

"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands. They just don't!"

"The rules of hair care are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would have known."

"Bend... and snap!"

"All people see when they look at me is blonde hair and big boobs."

"So just because I'm not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I'm white trash? I grew up in Bel Air, Warner, across the street from Aaron Spelling. I think most people would agree that's better than some stinky old Vanderbilt."