"Throwing a party it's like... it's like an invitation for abuse. It's like the last desperate act of someone who hasn't had a lasting relationship since Junior High."

"So, how do you like your eggs done in the morning, scrambled or fertilized?"

"And I'm not gay, okay? I get that all the time. No, I'm not gay."

"You let somebody move in with you, you make all these little compromises to smooth things along, and the next thing you know, you're on some macrobiotic diet and you're listening to Joni Mitchell."

"I've dated enough narcissistically neurotic men to know that you are all just a pack of roving babies in search of a giant teat from which to suck the lifeblood out of me until I am a hollow shell."

"You bring me over here, and you tell me I'm the worst lover you ever had. And now you tell me it can't be helped."

"Those clothes and my clothes would look good on my floor."

"Did you know that cigarettes are a shield against meaningful interaction with people?"

"Everybody's having fun out here. They drinking, they fighting, they pissing on the streets. It's New Year's Eve. They loving the ladies."

"One of the ugliest bitches I've ever seen in my life rolled up, and I'm not one to call women ugly, but I think this woman was, because she had a penis."

"It's 6.00am. Do you know where you are?"

"He's a long way from Kansas."

"All that glitters is not gold."

"Michael J. Fox - Jamie Conway"

"She's an Allagash. She has Allagash genes. She's a very attractive lady. She'll also inherit a little of the Allagash money."

"[rambling on aimlessly to himself] ...Siamese fighting fish in the water cooler... the old crew in the golden days of this magazine would have thought of it."

"Kiefer Sutherland - Tad Allagash"

"Pygmies. I'm surrounded by pygmies."

"I hear rabies shots are really painful. They put needles in your dick or something."

"This man calls. He said he was her lawyer. Easiest thing all the way around, he said was for me to sue her for sexual abandonment. A legal term, he said."

"[voiceover] You are not the kind of guy who would be at a place like this at this time of the morning and, though the details are fuzzy. You cannot say that the terrain is entirely unfamiliar."

"You have to go slowly. You'll have to learn everything all over again."

"I, believe it or not, took this bimbo back to her place on Fifth Avenue. Did some of her off-the-boat-quality drugs. We scooped it out of these tall Ming vases - did it off each other's naked bodies. Fucking beautiful, man."

"Phoebe Cates - Amanda"

"There's a certain shabby nobility in failing all by myself."

"Swoosie Kurtz - Megan"

"Maria Pitillo - Pony Tail Girl"

"David Hyde Pierce - Bartender at Fashion Show"

"Peg Murray - Receptionist"

"Annabelle Gurwitch - Barbara"

"Jessica Lundy - Theresa"

"Kelly Lynch - Elaine"

"Jason Robards - Alex Hardy"

"Dianne Wiest - Mother (Mrs. Conway)"

"Alec Mapa - Yasu Wade"

"William Hickey - Ferret Man"

"David Warrilow - Rittenhouse"

"Tracy Pollan - Vicky"

"John Houseman - Mr. Vogel"