"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, HEY! Me ol' bam-boo, me ol' bam-boo You'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo. You can have me hat or me bum-ber-shoo But you'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo."

"A gentleman's got a walking stick. A seaman's got a gaff. And the merry men of Robin Hood They used a quarterstaff. On the Spanish plains inside their canes They hide their ruddy swords. But we make do with an old bam-boo And everyone applauds!"

"Fool! Idiot! Out of my way!"

"Let me tell you, Toymaker. This nose of mine has never failed me. And if there are children here, my friend... you will die. [laughs maniacally]"

"[threatening the Toymaker] The Baroness will have your teeth for a necklace, and your eyeballs for earrings."

"[to the Toymaker] I don't trust a man who makes toys in a land where children are forbidden."

"They're all free today, cherry pie, cream puffs, ice cream, treacle tart."

"Here we are children, come and get your lollipops, lollipops, come along my little ones."

"Come along, kiddie-winkies!"

"There are children here somewhere. I can smell them."

"Here's some good advice, take your children and your good lady out of Vulgaria. Look, I'm only a toymaker, and if I don't finish this in time for the Baron's birthday tomorrow I shall be a dead toymaker!!"

"Hey, you there, get those children in here!! Get them in before the soldiers get here!! We must get those children out of sight, if the soldiers come they will take them away, uh um, no one's allowed to have children in Vulgaria!! The Baroness, she hates children!!"

"[to Truly Scrumptious] Maybe my children like running wild in the street. Had that occured to you?"

"You'll find a slight squeeze on the hooter an excellent safety precaution, Miss Scrumptious."

"[singing] P-O-S-H - Posh!"

"Nasty smelly things, motorcars!"

"[reading a book out loud] And the big brown bear came lolloping over the mountain. "No, no!" the princess cried…"

"What we're dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law."

"Mike Henry — Junior"

"Pat McCormick — Big Enos Burdette"

"Paul Williams (songwriter) — Little Enos Burdette"

"Sally Field — Carrie"

"Jerry Reed — Cledus "Snowman" Snow"

"Jackie Gleason — Sheriff Buford T. Justice"

"Burt Reynolds — Bo "the Bandit" Darville"

"Hold up on that carwash there, gentlemen. (to boys stripping Carrie's car)"

"Time to take to the road, for a quiet little drive in the country...or not."

"[On the CB radio, about his dog] I'm gettin' worried about Fred here, he's lookin' a little thin in the skin!"

"[Writing out note for beer] Send... bill... to... Big... Enos... Burdette. (Trans-Am drives away) Burdette.. B... B-E-R... B-U-R... B... (Throws notepad aside) Hell, I got to go."

"You got the one Snowman! I'm eastbound and down!"

"[Talking over CB radio] Hey, you got peanut butter or somethin' in your ears? Tell me what that woman's got on! (Pause) Her mind? [Laughs wildly] Ten-four!"

"[Over radio to Sheriff Justice] I can't lie to you, Sheriff. You're too good a man."

"[Carrie is hyperly saying she wants to jump something in the car] Oh, jump me."

"[In the middle of a car chase he explains to Carrie why they are being pursued] Oh, I forgot to tell 'ya. I'm running blocker for 400 cases of illegal booze!"

"[On why he's going to make the run to Texas and back] For the good 'ol American life. For the money, for the glory, and for the fun. Mostly for the money."

"[to Snowman's wife] I find it hard to look at you Waynette, especially when you've got those things in your hair. Makes me think you're listening to a radio station in Savannah."

"[to Big and Little Enos] Oh, I love your suits. It must be a bitch finding suits size 68 extra fat and a 12 dwarf."

"Apology accepted. Now, [a truck passes by, blowing its air horn and conveniently obscuring his profanity] fuck off."

"[Responding to a policeman who was unable to stop Bandit at a roadblock] You sumbitches couldn't close an umbrella!"

"[After trying to pass Snowman and being pit maneuvered] What we're dealing with here... is a complete lack of respect for the law."

"[On the CB radio, hailing the Bandit] You got trouble comin'. My handle is Smokey Bear, and I'm tail-grabbin' yo' ass right now!"

"She insulted my town! She insulted my son! [Junior starts to say something] Shaddup! She insulted my authority! And that's nothin' but pure and simple old-fashioned communism. Happens every time one of those dancers starts poon-tangin' around with those show-folk fags! I can see her now... runnin' back up that aisle. No, she was dancin' back up the aisle. Her knockers bouncin' all over the joint. Her ass was wigglin' too!"

"Now, you boys just stay here and watch the car - might be some vandals around, wanna steal somethin'. So you boys just stay here and keep your hands on the car until one of my associates arrive. And don't go home. And don't go to eat. And don't play with yourself. Wouldn't look nice on my highway. You can think about it, but dooon't do it."

"Little Enos: [remarking to Big Enos about the Bandit's "legend" status] Well a legend and an out-of-work bum look a lot alike, Daddy!"

"Junior: [Chasing after his father, who is driving after the Bandit] Who's gonna hold your hat?!"

"There ain't no difference between a flying saucer and a time machine. People get so hung up on specifics they miss out on seeing the whole thing. Take South America for example. [In] South America, thousands of people go missing every year. Nobody knows where they go, they just, like, disappear. But if you think about it for a minute, you realize something. There had to be a time when there was no people, right? Well where did all these people come from, huh? I'll tell you where. The future. And where did all these people disappear to? [Otto: The past?] That's right! And how did they get there? Flying saucers. Which are really..? Yeah, you got it, time machines. I think a lot about this kind of stuff."