"(While holding a gangster he had just badly beaten at gunpoint) Alright, here's the deal: You stay away from Thao, understand? You tell your friends to stay away from Thao. And if they don't listen to you, you tell 'em you don't wanna see them anymore. That's it. Got it? (The gangster doesn't respond) I'll take that as a yes, 'cause if I have to come back here, it's gonna get fucking ugly."

"God, I've got more in common with these gooks than I do with my own spoiled-rotten family. Jesus. Happy birthday."

"Get up. Get off my lawn! [aiming his M1 Garand rifle]"

"Oh, I've got one. A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Get the fuck out of here.""

"How many swamp rats can you fit in one room?"

"A week ago, the only thing I thought was out of the ordinary was that it was my birthday."

"Bob Zmuda - Desk clerk"

"Tom Lenk - Bookstore clerk"

"Corey Stoll - Sergeant Burns"

"Ed Lauter - Father Sebastian"

"Michelle Arthur - Sybil"

"Lynn Collins - Isobel Lydia Hunt ("The Suicide Blonde") / Mrs. Dobkins / Young Fingerling's mother"

"Mark Pellegrino - Kyle Flinch"

"Chris Lajoie - Benton"

"Bud Cort (uncredited) - Dr. Leary"

"Rhona Mitra - Laura Tollins"

"Danny Huston - Isaac French / Dr. Miles Phoenix"

"Logan Lerman - Robin Sparrow"

"Virginia Madsen - Agatha Pink-Sparrow / Fabrizia"

"Jim Carrey - Walter Paul Sparrow / Detective Fingerling"

"A number is just a number. Or is it?"

"First it takes hold of your mind...then it takes hold of your life."

"The truth will find you."

"People only pray because they think God will help them if they do."

"Skeletons can't just get up and walk away! You were right. That man wasn't the killer, the real killer is still out there and he knows dad's onto him."

"To die there in the street would have been easy. But it wouldn't have been justice, at least not the justice fathers teach their sons about. I'll be sentenced in a week or so. My lawyer says the judge will look kindly upon me for turning myself in. Maybe it's not the happiest of endings, but it's the right one. Some day I'll be up for parole, and we can go on living our lives. It's only a matter of time. Of course, time is just a counting system — numbers with meaning attached to them — isn't it?"

"Once upon a time there was a dog. Lived a life of terror, feared no one. Although his teeth were sharp, and his belly full, his heart was empty. He decided to go on a journey to a land far far away. But he came upon a wooden shack one day with a thin old man inside, and he invited him in. The dog was overjoyed, and that night warm smoke billowed from the chimney above. Oh, what odd smelling smoke this was. You see, the land was China, and in China they eat dogs."

"She had a face that was meant to smile."

"[talking with his son about his girlfriend] Hey, she's a nice girl. Make sure she stays that way."

"Of course time is just a counting system... numbers with meanings attached to them."

"Chapter 23. You can call me Fingerling. My real name is Walter. Walter Paul Sparrow. What you've read so far is not the whole truth. Much has been changed to protect the innocent... and the guilty. I once read that the only philosophical question that matters is whether or not to commit suicide. I guess that makes me a philosopher. You can say it was my inheritance. After my mother's death, my father couldn't cope. He didn't leave a note... just a number. That number followed me from foster home to foster home till college when I met her: Laura Tollins. I thought she'd help me forget my father's number. It was a mistake to think I could escape it. I loved her. And I thought she loved me. Until my father's number returned to haunt me. That fucking number... When I circled every 23rd letter of her note... it became clear. The number had gone after me. And now it wanted her. I was right. She was in danger. I just didn't realize the danger was me. What began as a suicide note, turned into something more. Much, much more."

"I'd like two words on my tombstone: what if."

"There's no such thing as destiny. There are only different choices. Some choices are easy, some aren't. Those are the really important ones, the ones that define us as people."

"[In the bookstore, first holding the book and taking a look at it] The Number 23. A Novel of Obsession by Topsy Kretts. A heart wrenching odyssey into paranoia. One of the most horrifying metamorphoses ever told. Beware the dog next door."

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the baddest motherfucker in the goddamn valley."

"Fucker's fucked now."