"Theresa, a marriage - I mean, a real marriage, between a man and a woman, isn't about one person's needs. It's about doing selfless sacrifices for one another, no matter how hard it is."

"Let me out! I have a bride to bludgeon to death."

"Well, we all remember where the bloody corpse dream got the family the last time."

"What's up, Julian? It wouldn't have anything to do with, let's see, a mysterious bird statue?"

"[to Sheridan] "Studies I've seen say the number one reason marriages are successful is because the two people involved have a lot in common. You have a lot. Luis is common."

"[about Beth] "Strike her down now, God! Lightning bolts 'til she's good and crispy!"

"So Charity's like Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker combined?"

"[Timmy speaks to a sleeping Charity] Timmy would lay down his life for you... if Timmy had a life to lay down."

"You know what they say about denial: it's not just a river in Egypt."

"Irma, I don't know where the hell you get these crazy accusations about Eve - that she had a baby with another man. Maybe it's because you're watching those crazy soap operas... the one that comes on after Days of Our Lives, but that's totally unbelievable!"

"[Kay informs Simone that her "chest exercises" have paid off] Get real, girl. There's a lot more than exercises in that bra."

"[about Chad] Isn't he just the tastiest thing you ever saw in your life?"

"[about Edna Wallace] Oh, my God! Alistair rode that old Jalopy? Oh! And people say I'm depraved."

"Theresa is just like that little pink bunny, she keeps lying and lying and lying.""

"Seeing you like that, Pilar, reminds me of an old TV show. "The Jeffersons." You're moving on up!""

"[to Whitney] What do you think? If you allow yourself to have feelings for some guy, your arm will just fall off and you'll never play tennis again?"

"I've lost the only man worth dieting for!"

"Oh the mortals these days! Using their Internet, email, cell phones, and text messaging, whatever the hell that is..."

"I've had enough of the Don King routine, Timmy. Do something with your hair."

"Blast that interfering next door neighbor of mine, Grace Bennett!"

"What on Earth has you guzzling Martimmies at this time of day - and out of a shaker no less?"

"Lucy Ricardo caused less havoc when she was smuggling cheese back from Europe!"

"What do I have to do to get you to admit what's going on here, Ethan? Walk in on you and Theresa in bed making love? What's she going to tell me then, huh? That she was just fluffing your pillows and just happened to slip underneath you?"

"[to Timmy] Do you remind yourself of anyone? I'll give you a hint. He was made of wood by a weirdo named Gepetto."

"Not even the Internet can save us now!"

"[Chris has just shot the hitman] [to James] Sorry, sweetheart, the bad man's in heaven now."

"[prepares to leave Ethan's ICU room] Theresa, why don't you come with me? You don't belong here."