"[as Madame Mandelip] Look at me and see what seventeen years in the grave has done to me. No, Radin, without my hatred I never could have lived to exhume myself. What swine you three are!"

"Lionel Barrymore — Paul Lavond"

"[as Madame Mandelip]: Once you're in my shop, I'll wager you'll do anything I ask."

"Maureen O'Sullivan — Lorraine Lavond"

"Frank Lawton — Toto"

"Rafaela Ottiano — Malita"

"Anita Garvin — Mrs. Vanderveer"

"James Finlayson — Mr. Vanderveer"

"Stan Laurel — Stan / Lord Paddington"

"Oliver Hardy — Ollie"

"Charles Middleton — Commandant"

"By the way, Fatty.....you don't seem to have the dignity becoming of a lackey. You don't walk right or something. Throw your shoulders back. Now, chin up!! No, no, no - both of them!"

"Figuring out a grand time for you!"

"Reginald Gardiner — François"

"They dish out the dizziest rib-ride of the year!"

"Stan Laurel — Stan"

"Oliver Hardy — Ollie"

"HERE'S HYSTERICAL HISTORY!"

"Those Philosophers of Phun in a new screamlined comedy!"

"You'll HEAR about this later!!"

"Jean Parker — Georgette"

"There's no use crying over split milk."

"James C. Morton — James"

"I will now assign you to your duties. Reveille at 5, you dress quickly, make up your bunks and get ready for inspection. Inspection until 7. Ten minutes for breakfast, you drill until 1 and march until 4."

"Mike Behegan — Bugler"

"Harry Anderson — Doorman"

"Patsy Moran — Lulu"

"Turn out the guard and place them BOTH under arrest!!"

"Billy Gilbert — Mr. Gilbert"

"Minna Gombell — Mrs. Hardy"

"James Finlayson — Finn"

"Zeffie Tilbury — Dowager seated near stairs"

"Patricia Ellis — Mrs. 'Toots' Gilbert"

"Never during my army career have I been so GROSSLY insulted!! Just WAIT 'til I get my hands on 'em!!!"

"Walter Woolf King — Victor Albert"

"Grete Natzler — Anna Albert"

"Oliver Hardy — Ollie"

"Stan Laurel — Stan"

"Yelps in the Alps!"

"They're mousetrap salesmen in the Alps - and are the mice happy!"

"Oliver Hardy — Ollie"

"The prisoners have been found guilty and will be shot at sunrise."

"(repeated line) Get BACK to work!!"

"We will now have the role call. Those that are here will answer "present". Those that are not here will say "absent"."

"We will now have an intelligence test"(camera pans to his unintelligent pupils)"

"Their jail break is a riot! It will give you the time of your life."

"The world has been waiting for THEIR FIRST FULL LENGTH TALKING PICTURE"

"Mr. Hardy is a man of wonderful ideas—so is Mr. Laurel—as long as he doesn't try to think."

"Oliver Hardy — Ollie Hardy"