"[After neuralizing Newton and Hailey] Okay, first, get some contact lenses, ‘cause joints look like they can pick up cable. Second, take her to Cambodia. Get her a lobster dinner. Pay more than a dollar. Third, the second y'all get back from Cambodia... move your bum ass out of your mom's house. Boy, you like forty years old."

"[After the Worms accidentally shut down the MIB headquarters upon him and K taking it back] WORMS!!"

"Yeah, every Saturday night you'd be like, "Flush me J., Flush me." and I'd be like, "Naw.""

"About to lay the smack-down on your candy ass! (In homage to The Rock)"

"Jeff, I am so not in the mood for you! Get back in the subway! Right now!"

"[after Frank the Pug suggests the "good cop, bad cop thing"] How about we do the good cop, dumb dog thing, and you just shut up?"

"[J has just saved a whole subway of passengers from being eaten alive by Jeff, the giant worm-like alien, who chewed off about 98% of the subway train before retreating] [Neuralizes subway passengers] The City of New York would like to thank you for participating in our drill. Had this been an actual emergency, y'all woulda been eaten. 'Cause you don't listen. You're ignorant. How a man gon' come bashin' thru a subway when — That's the problem with all y'all New Yorkers. "Oh, we seen it all." [feigning fear] "Oh, no! A 600 ft. worm! Save us, Mr. Black Man!" And I come in, I ask ya nice, move to the next car! Y'all just sit there like...[Neuralizes subway passengers again, regains his composure] Thank you for participating in our drill. Hopefully you enjoyed our new, smaller, more energy-efficient subway cars. Watch your step, you all have a nice evening. [walks off, neuralizing Capt. Bridgewater in the process]"

"Transit Authority, people! We need to move to the forward car, there's a bug in the electrical system. [passengers ignore him] Yo! People! We got a bug in the electrical system!"

"[to Jeff] Sweet dreams, big boy!"

"Jeff, excuse my partner. He's new and he's... [Jeff attacks T]...kinda stupid."

"It's nice. Sleep late on the weekends. Watch the Weather Channel. I did miss this city."

"Get a mop, and escort all civilian personnel from this site immediately. [After coffee has been spilt at the post office.]"

"(Last Words, to one of his fellow Cleaners) You all right? (Right then is attacked by William Corvinus from behind)"

"(Cleaner Pilot): (Marcus pulls harder) (To Cleaner Gunner) We're going down!"

"(Cleaner Pilot): (Helicopter being pulled down by Marcus) (To Cleaner Gunner) Cut us loose!"

"(Cleaner Gunner): I can't. Not without taking her out. I can't get a shot."

"(Cleaner Pilot): What are you waiting for? Shoot them."

"(Selene's father): So you're the one keeping a watch over this, for me, have you? I've been searching everywhere for this, My-Darling."

"(Cleaner): Area secure, Sir."

"(Dead Lycans Tag): -subject injected 850ml THASARINE :to arrest regression"

"(Vampire Soldier in Background):(Shouting out) they’re turning!!!"

"(Vampire Soldier in Background): Form two groups. You, douse them in fuel."

"(Pre-Title Scrolling Text Sequence): EIGHT CENTURIES AGO, UNKNOWN TO HUMANITY, A BLOOD FEUD RAGED BETWEEN A RULING CLASS OF VAMPIRES AND A REBELLIOUS LEGION OF WEREWOLVES KNOWN AS LYCANS. LEGEND TELLS THAT THE WAR BEGAN WITH TWO BROTHERS, THE IMMORTAL SONS OF ALEXANDER CORVINUS: MARKUS, BITTEN BY BAT, BECAME THE BLOOD LEADER OF THE VAMPIRES. WILLIAM BITTEN BY WOLF, BECAME THE FIRST AND MOST POWERFUL LYCAN."

"You should know. It's William's Prison. The prison your Father was commissioned to build."

"Yes. Yes, a clever deception... but one Viktor was hardly willing to put to the test. And so Marcus was protected... at all costs."

"(Answering Selene's next question) For the same reason that Viktor never conspired against Marcus: Fear. He was warned that should Marcus ever killed... all those in his bloodline would follow him to the grave."

"(Answering Selene's question) To defeat the very first Werewolves, a dangerous and infectious breed, created from Marcus's own flesh and blood: his twin brother, William. But these weren't the Lycans we know. (To Michael) Disgusting though your brethren may be, they at least have evolved. No, these were raging monsters, never able to take Human form again. It was only these later generations that learned to channel their rage. And William's appetite for destruction and rampage was insatiable. He had to be stopped. And so once Viktor's army was turned... the legions of Vampires under his control... tracked down and destroyed the animals... then captured William... and locked him away. Viktor's prisoner for all time."

"(About Viktor) Toward the end of his ruthless life, when the next breath meant more to Viktor than silver or gold, Marcus came with a offer: a reprieve from sickness and death. Immortality. And in return, Viktor was to use his army, turned immortal, to help him."

"Some history is based on truth, and others on deception. Viktor was not the first of our kind, as you were led to believe. He was once human... the ruler of these lands. Marcus... he's the one. The source. The first true Vampire..."

"I've done what's necessary to survive. My decision was made easy the day your precious Viktor betrayed me."

"I knew it was you, Selene. The stench of Viktor's blood still lingers in your veins."

"[Selene has just fallen into one of his traps] Gotcha!"

"(In Selene's Blood Memory) They've gone. There, there, My Child. You are safe now."

"[to Marcus, referring to his brother, William] Imprisonment for all time. Far from you."

"If you so much as speak his name again, you will have chosen that fate for him!"

"Your sympathy for this beast is foolish. Your brother is entirely beyond control. It will be done my way."

"Find Amelia."

"I need you alive. If you die, we all die. Go! GO!"

"Marcus, stay with me."

"(To his men) Burn the bodies. Search the outbuildings."

"Your brother, is he still here?"

"[to Marcus, referring to a destroyed village] Yet again we arrived to witness this monster's aftermath. I will not tolerate this any longer, Marcus. Your brother must be stopped. It ends tonight!"

"(Last words to his Father) ...And a True God... has no Father."