"First of all, I know the guys you'd hire to come get me, they like me better than you. Second of all, you're not going to the cops, because...well, let's face it, you're not going to the cops. Third, you shook Sinatra's hand. You should know better, Willy."

"More merciless. More shameless."

"Denise Bixler - Linda"

"Ted Raimi — Possessed Henrietta"

"Sarah Berry — Annie Knowby"

"Bruce Campbell — Ash Williams"

"Dead by dawn"

"2 Terrifying. 2 Frightening. 2 Much!"

"Kiss Your Nerves Goodbye"

"The Sequel to The Ultimate Experience in Grueling Terror."

"Scott Spiegel: We wrote the bulk of it in Silver Lake. Sam had rented a house with Joel and Ethan Coen. Fran McDormand and Holly Hunter were our roommates. Holly was just getting [her career] started. I'll never forget her in her sweatpants on the floor in her room, reading scripts. We wrote [the character of] Bobby Joe for her, but Rob Tapert said, "We need a babe for that role.""

"Robert Tapert: Our sales agent, Irvin Shapiro, who handled Evil Dead and taught us everything about getting a movie in front of an audience and get it promoted, he said, "Boys, I want to take an ad out for Evil Dead 2." And we said, "We're never going to make Evil Dead 2." But Sam had the name Medieval Dead. So Irving Shapiro had an artist do an ad. He kept the Evil Dead franchise in the overseas buyers' minds."

"Yeah, Evil Dead II and Army of Darkness were two of my favorite experiences, mainly because we were a group of young guys at the time. We didn’t have a care in the world, other than just loving what we were doing. I had loved the first Evil Dead. So when the sequel came around, Mark Shostrom, who I was working for at the time, brought me onboard. I was one of the key artists in the shop and supervising a lot for the film, so it was a great experience, because I was in charge of a lot. That kind of led to us opening our own shop. Greg had been supervising various shops around town, too."

"Check it out. You ever seen a bird dick this big? Too much for ya, eh, honey? Well, step off, sweet cheeks! Come back when you want some real love."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Dwight. I say when we pull the plug. We're about to make the scientific discovery of the century, and I am this close to getting laid."

"(as Megan's head spins around, Father McFeely turns to leave) Fuck this!"

"[grunting on the toilet] Oh, God. Please, Lord, help me to release this demon! (groans and farts forcefully and is relieved) Ahh! Thank you, Lord, the most merciful Almighty. Oh... hold on. (farts forcefully again) Ahhh, ah! Oh, those enchiladas!"

"[while exorcising Megan] Holy Lord, Almighty Father, Everlasting God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the Virgin Mary's baby daddy, Holy Lord, Almighty Father, Everlasting God, who once concerned that Fallen Tyrant to the flames of Hell, who sent your only Son in the world to crush that Roaring Tiger, and who got that unholy bitch Jerri kicked off of Survivor!"

"[deleted scene] God is good. God is great. But not all the time, sometimes He could be a real asshole. Praying for twenty-four years, not one goddamn message on my answering machine. If You're listening and I know You're up there, thanks for all this food, since it's the least You could do. Amen. Let's eat."

"[being sucked into a vortex] For God's sake! How do you stop it?!"

"[upon gaining the chain saw in place of his lost right hand] Groovy."

"Then let's head on down into that cellar and carve ourselves a witch."

"There's something out there. That... that witch in the cellar is only part of it. It lives... out in those woods, in the dark... something... something that's come back from the dead."

"Old double-barrel here, blow your guts to Kingdom Come! [staggers backward, voice drops.] See if we don't."

"[to his freshly sawn off possessed hand] Here's your new home. [He then places a bucket and a stack of books on it to trap the hand; the top book reads "A Farewell to Arms"]"

"[when his sawn-off hand gives him the finger] Son of a...!"

"Got you, didn't I, you little sucker!"

"[Ash stabs his possessed hand with a kitchen knife, pinning it to the floor.] That's right... who's laughing now? [grabs the chainsaw and revs it.] Who's laughing now? ARRRGHH!!! [cuts the hand off at the wrist.]"

"[Ash's hand gains a life of its own.] You bastards. You dirty bastards. [sobs] Gimme back my hand... GIMME BACK MY HAND!"

"[Grappling with the possessed Linda's severed head.] Workshed."

"[First lines] Legend has it that it was written by the Dark Ones: Necronomicon Ex-Mortis ― roughly translated, "Book of the Dead". The book served as a passageway to the evil worlds beyond. It was written long ago, when the seas ran red with blood. It was this blood that was used to ink the book. In the year 1300 AD, the book disappeared."

"Richard Moll as Hugh Kane (Hell House Ghost)"

"Andy Richter as Father Harris"

"Chris Elliott as Hanson"

"Tori Spelling as Alex"

"Tim Curry as Professor Oldman"

"James Woods as Father McFeely"

"David Cross as Dwight Hartman"

"Kathleen Robertson as Theo"

"Chris Masterson as Buddy"

"Marlon Wayans as Shorty Meeks"

"Shawn Wayans as Ray Wilkins"

"Regina Hall as Brenda Meeks"

"Anna Faris as Cindy Campbell"

"The movie that dares you to come."

"Well, are you boys just gonna sit there with your mouths open, or is someone gonna offer me a seat?"

"God damn it, what the fuck did you put in this birdseed?! (screams as bird poop sprays the wall) God, that was a big one!"