"[Walks up to row of Tibetan monks] My brother monks, you have seen the destructive power which is mine to command. I also have the power to leave this blessed monastery in peace. I trust you will do what's best for all of us and step aside. No? [All monks are executed]"

"Roger Yuan as Master Monk"

"And I am through taking your messages. My name is Kokijima. Not Sony, Sanyo, Toshiba."

"Rob Archer as Buzz"

"Enough with all this fortune-cookie philosophy, okay? This is America. We don't have enlightenment here. We have Big Macs, strip clubs, shopping malls, Las Vegas and HBO! You got it?"

"A monk. A punk. A chick. In a kick-ass flick."

"[In voiceover, remembering Master Monk parable while watching Kar fighting Funktastic goons] He will defeat an army of enemies while a flock of cranes circles above. [Aloud] Impossible. Besides, he's going to lose."

"[Of Kar] For some reason, I believe he has potential."

"[To Monk With No Name after getting shot by Waffen-SS] The scroll. You must protect scroll."

"Karel Roden as Struker"

"Mako as Mr. Kojima"

"Did you really think I was going to share ultimate power with you?"

"[Kicks Kar off Jade when fighting] That's my bird."

"Sean Bell as Diesel"

"Kishaya Dudley as DV"

"Russell Yuen as Brother Tenzin"

"To fulfill the prophecy, he must find the one to take his place."

"Monk, you may be good, but you are not bulletproof."

"So, I figured it out. Why hot dogs come in packages of ten and hot dog buns come in packages of eight. See, the thing is, life doesn't always work out according to plan. So be happy with what you've got, because you can always get a hot dog."

"[Calls for a non responding Mr. Kojima] Well, my boss doesn't seem to be here. Which means you don't get to watch me get yelled at."

"[Closing eyes of deceased Master Monk] Enjoy your vacation, Master."

"An enlightened man would offer a weary traveler a bed for the night, and invite him to share a quiet conversation over a bowl of Cocoa Puffs."

"Water which is too pure has no fish."

"Of my destiny and the beginning of yours. When you first came to me, you were the most undisciplined youth I had ever laid eyes on. And yet you proved yourself worthy to be the next guardian. You have fulfilled the three noble prophesies. You defeated an army of enemies while a flock of crane circled above. You battled for love in the palace of jade. You freed brothers you never knew with a family you never had. Now you must make the final sacrifice."

"The Scroll of the Ultimate. Whoever reads its words out loud in their entirety will gain the power to control the world and turn it into a paradise or a living hell. Mankind is not ready for so much power and may never be. That is why it is our duty to protect the scroll from being read by anyone, including ourselves. Five times the Year of the Ram has passed since I became the next from my honored predecessor, and his master before him, and so on, and so on. I have been protecting the scroll for 60 years. Now it is your turn. It is done. The next 60 years should be very interesting for you."

"And by the way, I got the answer to your little question from last night. [The monk inquires curtly] Yeah. Check this out. The reason hot dogs come in packages of ten but hot dog buns come in packages of just eight is so you'll always need more buns for your hot dogs. Because no matter how much you get, how much you achieve, how many times you win... You can never, ever let yourself feel like it's enough. [The monk bluntly disagrees]"

"Ladies and gentlemen. As the newly-appointed executive director of the Human Rights Organization, I would like to welcome you all here today. Please, pardon our appearance. As you can see, we're still under construction. But we wanted you, our most generous supporters, to have a preview of our new exhibit. You see, out of the rubble that was Europe at the end of World War II, men and women of good will, people like yourselves, decided to build an organization dedicated to the prevention of human rights abuses all around the Earth. And today I am here to tell you we failed. Thanks to all of you and many others like you, we are able to continue this fight. This fight against hate, violence, oppression, and cruelty in all its forms."

"Victoria Smurfit as Nina"

"Marcus Jean Pirae as Mr. Funktastic"

"You may be my granddaughter. But that will only protect you for so long."

"[In torture chamber with Tibetan monks] My brother monks, when I finally get my hands on your brother with no name, he will, of course, resist my efforts to secure the location of the scroll. But with this machine, I'll torture the information I need out of him. And now for a little test."

"I don't like monkeys."

"Funktastic's the name and profit's the game. See, I'm a businessman. And my fiscal policy toward crime consists of two words, zero tolerance. Unless, of course, the criminal in question has an officially authorized franchise. And you ain't got one."

"Seann William Scott as Kar"

"Jaime King as Jade/Bad Girl"

"Chow Yun-Fat as Monk With No Name"

"[Showing Jade a picture of a refugee kneeling in front of a man with a rifle] Tell me, deep inside, at the bottom of your soul, who would you rather be? The man about to be shot? Or the man about to do the shooting?"

"Mauricio Rodas as Wicho"

"Jack McCarthy as Officer Les Franck"

"David Wheir as Bob-Oh"

"Naima Lena as Claudette"

"Laura Breckenridge as Bell Granger"

"Anna Faris as Belle Scott"

"Justin Chambers as Rhett Butler"

"[To boss Duane] I quit. That rhymes with shit. I quit this shit!"