Webcomics

"Davan: Why reach to the sky to touch a star when you can scoop one out of the gutter?"

"Aubrey: If masturbating was s'posed to be cute, pink bunnies would do it in meadows and they'd ejaculate rainbows and flower petals."

"Aubrey: I'm going to find religion just so I can pray against each of you."

"Aubrey: If a guy tells me I can't possibly stick a crazy straw all the way up his smallest orifice, that's a challenge I'm honor-bound to accept!"

"PeeJee: I'm sorry. Is our date interrupting your conversation with my boobs?"

"Jason: I bukkake for justice!"

"Jason: Heresy is sexy, Aubrey. Cancer isn't!"

"Aubrey: So I made some pork chops and rented "Babe.""

"Davan: I try not to think. It's not really a hallmark of my generation."

"Kim: Nothing is as sexy as the look on a man's face as he slips into an unplanned slumber."

"Fast Food Customer: I'm the customer and I'm white! That makes me twice as right! Se habla customer service, jerk?!"

"Davan: You're only offended because liberal society says you're supposed to think "child rape" jokes are wrong."

"Milholland's Commentary: Everything sounds dirtier when preceded by "For a good time...""

"PeeJee: What is it with Texas and the child raping cults?!"

"Nancy: Oh, baby...talk some more stupid for me. It makes me so hot..."

"Kharisma: Thank God I was taught fat people don't have emotions."

"Milholland's Commentary: Someone, somewhere, is dressing up like your favorite childhood cartoon character and having sex."

"Morganna: So...should we skip straight to finding an empty room to have sex in then?"

"Milholland's Commentary: If you don't get the joke, you're probably the punchline."

"Mike: ...a wise man once said that being in love means never having to say, "I'm sorry.""

"Davan: Well, y'know, true friendship is a lot like a cervical punch."

"Milholland's commentary: On one shoulder is a devil saying, "do it." On the other shoulder is an angel saying, "do it now.""

"Davan: This is one of those situations where "I don't care" is the right answer, but not the right answer, isn't it?"

"Nancy: Elize, I need your help. I'm worried this chloroform has gone bad but my nose is stuffed up. Could you smell it and tell me what you think?"

"Davan: I'm just saying I've never heard of a SIDS baby growing up to be a murderer or a rapist. Draw your own conclusions, my friend."

"Aubrey: Embrace the power of the labia, PeeJee! Embrace it!"

"PeeJee: Well, I thought, "Who among my friends would want a candy cane-shaped, eggnog scented strap on?" Then I thought, "Who deserves it?""

"Davan: You know, for a lesbian, you seem to suck a whole mess o' dick."

"PeeJee: Chemo kitties need extra love!"

"Aubrey: I could menstruate a better cup of coffee than this!"

"PeeJee: You're like a Columbine kid who was too lazy to do anything."

"Positive Good Morning Quotes"

"Something Positive"

"Fred: Friendship only really matters if you give it as willingly as you took it in the first place."

"Rayne (of Least I Could Do): The server's light flashed green three times. That's consent. That's robot consent."

"Cat-to-English translation: I am your god and your pain is my altar. Now, Worship!"

"Cat: (angry) Mrrrrrrowwwr."

"PeeJee: Hey! You! I've got a Vagina! You got a problem with that?"

"Vanessa: Expect foreplay full of fumbling and awkward apologies."

"PeeJee: Damn it! Why am I arguing shit on the web again?"

"Monette: I've never wanted to be a magician's hat so badly in my life."

"Rory: If I get this cool stuff now I bet the stuff you give me when you die is gonna be great!"

"Kestrel: Try not to take the world too seriously, because sooner or later you're going to end up its punchline."

"Kestrel: Nothing says love like a monkey. It's a fuzzy screeching bundle of tenderness."

"Kestrel: I need you to remove my uterus, and thus guarantee that I do not produce any hellspawn."

"Felix: Honey! Honey! We've got cable in the bathroom now!"

"Seamus: Do you go out of your way to make people feel inadequate, or am I just special that way?"

"Kestrel: Hang on a second, I need to make my eyes revert to normal. Also to do the happy squirmy puppy dance."

"Shannon: It's like I'm in a Greenpeace sponsored bukkake tree porn flick, and I'm the chick tied helplessly to the chair in the center of the room being hosed down with tree semen."

"Kestrel: I firmly believe all animals should be named after sound effects."