"[Ashtray and Dashiki are having foreplay on the kitchen floor. Ashtray gets a hot dog out of the fridge and starts rubbing it on Dashiki's face. She sees what it is and takes it and says "nuh-huh fool! that's the baby's lunch!""

"My name is Dashiki. That's Swahili for "doggy-style.""

"(After he sees Tray kiss Dashiki) 'ey stupid, you realize you just kissed every nigga at this party?"

"[After his friend dies because he smoked a powerful joint] Yo, pass that shit!"

""The Dog" don't bite... unless ya ask."

"Well, I can see how a pretty little woman like yourself can make a man a little sick- I mean, nervous!"

"Everyone in the hood been up in her! She got more kids than Mrs. Wayans!"

"[While filling out a job application] Name: Loc Dog, baby. Height: Six-deuce! Age: 19. Father's name: mmm... I dunno. Sex: hell yeah, nigga! Salary desired: 3 million dollars! Cash!"

"[Loc Dog shoots a hole in the door as Ashtray approaches] Trey, is that you? Hey nigga, you better start announcing yourself before you get smoked up in here, nigga. Damn. You know that chronic make me paranoid, baby. Come here you old fool dog mark ass trick, give me some love."

"[reporting live while a student is in the background fooling around] Hello, I'm Gail Hailstorm, author of the book "You're Dead, I'm Rich". A small college town is in shock after the unthinkable has happened. A brutal killing spree that left one teen dead... that's it! [pulls out a gun and shoots the student]... two teens dead and this small town shaken and stirred."

"Okay, chopzilla, listen up, [holds up her thumb] This little piggy went to the market. [holds up her middle finger] This little piggy stayed home... [points at cameraman] And if this little piggy doesn't roll the goddamn camera, I'm gonna shove my foot up his fucking ass - [camera clicks on]"

"[laughs] Shit, son! Yo, whats' the deal? Yo, if y'all are watching this tape right now, that means I didn't make it. Either I'm a prisoner or worse, dead. But either way it goes, I'm gonna tell you the rules to survive this situation. Rule number 1: you gotta be quick. Rule number 2: DON'T fall down. And rule number 3: whatever you do, NEVER LOOK BACK! Y'all wish me luck... SNATCH AND RUN, Y'ALL!"

"Cheri Oteri as Gail Hailstorm"

"Dave Sheridan as Doofy Gilmore/Ghostface"

"Lochlyn Munro as Greg Phillipe"

"Shannon Elizabeth as Buffy Gilmore"

"Jon Abrahams as Bobby Prinze"

"Marlon Wayans as Shorty Meeks"

"Shawn Wayans as Ray Wilkins"

"Regina Hall as Brenda Meeks"

"Anna Faris as Cindy Campbell"

"Funny As Hell."

"Obey The Rules... Or Die Laughing."

"Carmen Electra as Drew Decker"

"No Mercy. No Shame. No Sequel."

"Merciless. Shameless. Unique."

"Kurt Fuller as The Sheriff"

"A Killer Comedy."

"[At a press conference] Let me just say that the killing of these teens has been tragic, but, uh... hey, you know, shit happens."

"A small dick's like a disability, man! How would you like to make fun of a guy in a wheelchair?! Huh? Would you?, Come on out you sick fuck. I'll kick the shit outta you, all right?! It's not the size of the hammer, it's the nail you're throwing it at!"

"Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the departure lounge!"

"[to Elaine] We're not in the past or the present anymore, Elaine. This... is the FUTURE."

"By the close of the twentieth century, construction of colonies on the lunar surface had begun and with this colonization came a new era in space travel. As our story opens, Mayflower 1, the first passenger shuttle to the moon, prepares for its maiden voyage--a voyage filled with hope, yet destined for disaster. Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away, Princess Amoura lay back in her bed as the handsome young knight entered the room. The princess slipped off her robe, revealing her silky white thighs. The knight embraced her roughly, and began to caress her soft, round…"

"Raymond Burr - Judge D.C. Simonton"

"William Shatner - Murdock"

"Chuck Connors - The Sarge"

"Peter Graves - Captain Clarence Oveur"

"Chad Everett - Simon Kurtz"

"Lloyd Bridges - Steven McCroskey"

"Julie Hagerty - Elaine Dickinson"

"Robert Hays - Ted Striker"

"For the ride of your life... All you need for Christmas are your two front seats!"

"Answer simple, but question, very hard."

"Richard Narita — Willie Wang"

"James Cromwell — Marcel"

"Estelle Winwood — Miss Withers"

"Nancy Walker — Yetta"

"Eileen Brennan — Tess Skeffington"

"Maggie Smith — Mrs. Dora Charleston"