"I know you're scared. I'm scared too. They're sharks. They're scary. No one wants to get eaten. But I've been eaten. And I'm here to tell you it takes a lot more than to bring a good man down. A lot more than that to bring a New Yorker down. Let's go show them what it means to be a hero. Let's go show them what it means to be a New Yorker! Let's go kill some sharks!"

"Because we shot these two in such close proximity—unlike most theatrical tentpoles, where you have two years between them—it kind of feels like we were still making the first movie. Sure, we took it to a point in the last one where Ian [Ziering] gets swallowed by a shark and survives, but that allowed us to have even more fun going into the second movie. There are no more rules. We basically blew them up at the end of the last movie, and that allowed us to amp it up that much more. A big part of that is approval. Because all those elements went over so well in the first movie, everybody across the board was a little more willing to let us do more of that."

"Ian Ziering — Fin Shepard"

"Even the Sharknados are tougher in New York."

"Nana Visitor - Adoption agent"

"Ralph Garman - Stormtrooper"

"Jimmy Fallon - Himself"

"Curtis Stigers - Wedding singer"

"Taran Killam - himself"

"Jimmy Kimmel - himself"

"Jay Leno - himself"

"Dennis Haysbert - Fertility doctor"

"Sam J. Jones - himself"

"Sebastian Arcelus - Dr. Danzer"

"Kate McKinnon - herself"

"Tom Brady - himself"

"John Carroll Lynch - Tom Jessup"

"Ron Canada - Judge Matheson"

"Jessica Szohr - Allison"

"Cocoa Brown - Joy"

"Bobby Moynihan - himself"

"Michael Dorn - Rick"

"Bill Smitrovich - Frank"

"Tara Strong - Ted's "I Love You" function"

"Giovanni Ribisi - Donny"

"Patrick Stewart - Narrator"

"Morgan Freeman - Patrick Meighan"

"Jessica Barth - Tami-Lynn"

"Liam Neeson - Customer"

"Seth MacFarlane - Ted"

"Mark Wahlberg - John Bennett"

"John Slattery - Shep Wild"

"Amanda Seyfried - Samantha Jackson"

"Sittin' out here in a public, jerkin' off? Where do you think you are, Red Lobster?"

"No! No! I said no Electric Slide! Goddamn it, you will not wreck this night with your forced white people group fun!"

"Patrick Warburton - Guy"

"That’s him."

"Hey, fuck your Chrysler!"

"Lenny Clarke - Cop"

"Alex Vincent - Andy Barclay"

"Summer H. Howell - Alice"

"Women. Can't live with them; period. (Laughs evilly)"

"Say "hi" to the little woman for me. (Chops off Ian's lower jaw with an axe) Maybe not. (Laughs evilly)"

"You have your mother's eyes. And they were always too FUCKING CLOSE TOGETHER!"

"Took me 25 years. But believe me, it was worth the wait. 25 years. Since then, a lot of families have come and gone. The Barclays, the Kincaids, the Tillys. But Nica, your family was always my favorite. And now, you're the last one standing. So to speak. (Laughs evilly)"

"Steve Clemente - Witch Doctor (uncredited)"

"Clarence Wilson - Hilda Petersen Father (uncredited)"

"Who's next?"

"I'm gonna get you."