"[after Johnny Knoxville wrecks the lattice with the jet-ski] Shit! Dude, I know we shouldn't have done this at my fucking dad's house. He's already mad I'm fucking skipping school, he's gonna cut me off! That's coming out of my allowance."

"[WAfter getting his tooth pulled out by a Lamborghini] Oh, I wish I could say that didn't suck!"

"[After Chris Pontius complains about being stung in the face by a scorpion] What did you think was going to happen?"

"Get in the Lambo, shitbird!"

"[After he runs through an obstacle course full of tasers and cattle prods] I change my mind. Stun guns are now the number one most thing that I hate now. Bulls are second, snakes are third. That sucked!"

"[Dressed as a mild-mannered, senior-citizen, with professional face make-up, accompanied by an elderly lady, and a willing, attractive, younger looking adult female in support] Hello, I'm Irving Zistman, this is my wife, and grandaughter, and today, I'm a really bad grandpa!"

"[As Bam pees in front of a jet engine blowing in his face] That's the story of Jackass, right there. Just pissing in the wind!"

"[after Wee-Man is hit in the groin by a random apple thrown at him by Jeff Tremaine] See, I told you it's not that hard to get into film!"

"[Steve-O just puked after biting an apple that was in Preston's buttocks] You don't like apple and peanut butter?"

"Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass!"

"[seeing a bull stomping its feet] Oh, I hate it when they do that."

"Carol Locatell as Ethel Hubbard"

"Kimberly Beck as Trish Jarvis (Voice Only)"

"Tom Morga as Jason Voorhees (opening sequence)"

"Dick Wieland as Paramedic Roy Burns/Fake Jason Voorhees"

"Sonny Shields as Raymond"

"Curtis Conaway as Les"

"Todd Bryant as Neil"

"Debi Sue Voorhees as Tina McCarthy"

"Ron Sloan as Junior Hubbard"