Producers From The United States

"I'm not sure sophisticated comedy has a place on television any more … I'd like to think it still does … But I'm not sure the networks are interested, I'm not sure anybody else is interested in sophisticated comedy any more."

"Big hands, big feet, big disappointment."

"I accept that you live with remorse every day of your life but I live with tragedy every day of my life. She was a terrific kid. She was a wonderful person and I miss her all the time. I accept your apology. I forgive you. However, I cannot give your release my endorsement. To give that a blessing would be a betrayal of my sister's life."

"I didn't think I was going to be a person who other people knew, whose name was recognizable."

"I've always been an actor. That's my job — I can be anything you want me to be."

"That's the beauty of this country — we can have different opinions and coexist and be amused by each other and hurt and offended."

"My instinct was that it felt personal. It was really about 'We don't like her.' Who were the judges and critics? I would like to ask them, 'What exactly is it that you personally find not sexy about me? Is it my figure? Is it my brain that bothers you?'"

"It never grows old, putting on a beautiful dress. For me, it's a great distraction. It's always ridiculous, and it always feels like it should be happening to somebody else."

"I strangely feel better before I go through hair and makeup. Maybe that's just because I feel like me."

"Just because people don't have money doesn't mean they don't desire the same thing. They should have it, and it should be good."

"Anything having to do with food is pleasurable for me. Any conversation about food, review of food, story of food, picture of food, thought of food..."

"For so long, I didn't play the object of attention or affection. It wasn't until L.A. Story that anyone cast me in a role that had my sexuality as a point of interest or focus or operation. I just wasn't examined in the same way that a 'pretty girl' would be."

"It's traumatizing for me to come to Washington during a Republican administration because I don't have any Republican clothes."

"My father has always been supportive of my individuality."

"Who is the most unfortunate actress in Hollywood? There are many contenders for the role. Reading, however, about Sharon Stone, you just think: woah — never has someone been so sucked in, chewed up and spat out by a bunch of grasping, evil men. She recently explained how she lost custody of her son because of that famous scene in Basic Instinct. The judge asked Roan, then very young: "Do you know your mother makes sex movies?" She was admitted to hospital with a prolapsed heart valve after he was taken from her: "It literally broke my heart," she said. ... I don’t pretend that Stone is perfect — any woman over the age of 16 knows where the instruction "Take your knickers off" can lead. But how Hollywood treats women is repulsive — it will take anything that is beautiful, funny and talented and turn it into a broken, tarnished mess. It will beg you to play up and play sexy and take your clothes off, and then punish you just for following orders. Did the judge enjoy his viewing of Basic Instinct? I bet he did."

"After we shot Basic Instinct, I got called in to see it. Not on my own with the director, as one would anticipate, given the situation that has given us all pause, so to speak, but with a room full of agents and lawyers, most of whom had nothing to do with the project. That was how I saw my vagina-shot for the first time, long after I'd been told "We can't see anything—I just need you to remove your panties, as the white is reflecting the light, so we know you have panties on." Yes, there have been many points of view on this topic, but since I'm the one with the vagina in question, let me say: the other points of view are bullshit. Now, here is the issue, it didn't matter anymore. It was me and my parts up there. I had decisions to make. I went to the projection booth, slapped Paul across the face, left, went to my car, and called my lawyer, Marty Singer [who said she could gain an injunction against the release of the film with the shot] ... I choose to allow this scene in the film. Why? Because it was correct for the film and for the character; and because, after all, I did it."

"An individual who isn't worth the ink it would take to write about him."

"When you’re in this room, I don’t know how to describe it. It’s soaked in history. It just washes over you. I mean, it’s not even like it’s in the past. You’re in history. You’re in it."

"Shock Noms: Trump Picks Gaetz, Hegseth, Huckabee, Gabbard | Biden & Trump’s Cordial WH Meeting (Nov 13, 2024 on Youtube)"

"President Bill Clinton Reconsiders His #MeToo Comments (Jun 6, 2018 on Youtube)"

"Stephen used to play a manic conservative, and now, he plays a depressed liberal. That is range, ladies and gentlemen."

"His humor is an accumulation of the eccentricities, mannerisms and jokes of his ten older brothers and sisters, a medley that trickled down."

"The thing about Colbert is he's fucking brilliant... He was always the smartest guy in the room, and he was always smart enough not to let you know he was the smartest guy in the room."

"He's able to create a universe where something surreal happens on the program that seems ordinary, and all of a sudden the absurd appears not mundane but expected, organic... So he can have a conversation with Richard Holbrooke and Willie Nelson and it all makes perfect sense and yet it couldn't appear anywhere else without appearing burlesque. Somehow he has managed to create a fake world that has impacted and found standing in the real world."

"Part of the joy of being in character is being able to get away with things others cannot. Though a lot of that is that [he] is so high on Nyquil you never know what he's going to do."

"It's one thing for an asshole to play an asshole. But your basic decency can't be hidden."

"He's like a living wall of encyclopedias that like to drink beer."

"I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way. But, in sort of a James Bond-ian kind of explosives in the gas tank of his car kind of way."

"I was motivated to play Dungeons & Dragons. I mean highly, highly motivated to play it. Every day, if I could find someone to play with me. If I couldn't find someone to play with me, I would work on my player character."

"If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition ... and then admit that we just don't want to do it."

"It’s not a great look when you fly on the pedophile’s plane enough times to earn diamond pervert status."

"I can finally speak unvarnished truth to power and say what I really think about Donald Trump—starting right now. I don’t care for him. Doesn’t seem to have, like, the skillset to be President. Just not a good fit, you know?"

"Would an untalented man be able to compose the following satirical witticism?: Go f-ck yourself."

"Over the weekend it sunk in that they’re killing off our show. But they made one mistake: They left me alive!"

"It’s a great day to be me because I am not Donald Trump."

"Oh, hey everybody. We got a great show for you tonight. Senator Adam Schiff was my guest. We harmonized on Seven Bridges Road. What a voice. I cried. But before we start the show, I want to let you know something that I found out just last night. Next year will be our last season. The network will be ending The Late Show in May. And… Yeah — I share your feelings — It's not just the end of our show, but it's the end of The Late Show on CBS. I'm not being replaced — this is all just going away. And I do want to say… I do want to say that the folks at CBS have been great partners. I'm so grateful to the Tiffany Network for giving me this chair and this beautiful theater to call home. And of course, I'm grateful to you, the audience, who have joined us every night in here, out there, all around the world, Mr. and Mrs. America, and all the ships at sea. I'm grateful to share the stage with this band, these artists over here every night. And I am extraordinarily deeply grateful to the 200 people who work here. We get to do this show. We get to do this show for each other every day, all day. And I've had the pleasure and the responsibility of sharing what we do every day with you in front of this camera for the last 10 years. And let me tell you, it is a fantastic job. I wish somebody else was getting it. And it's a job that I'm looking forward to doing with this usual gang of idiots for another 10 months. It's going to be fun. … Y'all ready?"

"This is rough. Last time Trump won, it felt like a grotesque fluke. This time, America knew exactly what they were getting and they went hard for him anyway. It's like that famous quote: "Those who do not learn from history... are me! Hey, that's me! Which reminds me, I wanted to look something up. Hey Google, did Joe Biden drop out of the election?""

"The first time Donald Trump was elected, he started as a joke and ended as a tragedy. This time, he starts as a tragedy. Who knows what he'll end as?"

"Hey, there. How are you doing? If you watch this show regularly, I'm guessing you're not doing great. Yeah, me neither. You know, uh, today? Uh, some people said to me, "Sorry you have to do a show tonight." Which is nice of them to say, but I don't have to do a show, I get to do a show tonight. I'm so grateful to be with all of these talented people -- those people over here, those people that you'll never see... With the audience in the Ed Sullivan, with you people at home? Because, especially at times like this, what do we most want to be? Not alone. So thanks for being here. Uh, we're gonna do a comedy show, it's a comedy show, we're gonna do some jokes in just a minute. Uh, 'cause that's what we do. And I'll let you in on a little secret: No one gets into this business because everything in their life worked out great. So we're built for rough roads."

"He took showers with the other pros..."

"Yes, we all know the famous saying: where there’s smoke, there’s success."

"The other stunner that came out of the committee hearings was what the committee called the "big ripoff". The former president raised a quarter of a billion dollars off the big-lie, for a so-called "election defense fund", that investigators say, never existed... and this time we promise NO FRAUD."

"And I just like the guy. He's a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half, and polls show America agrees."

"Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American."

"I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical."

"Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome! Your great country [of China] makes our Happy Meals possible!"

"By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word."

"And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion — be you Hindu, Jewish, or Muslim, I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior."

"The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday — no matter what happened Tuesday."

"Then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg."