"An hour ago, a man I've known my whole life vanished in front of my eyes because of a woman with things coming out of her fingers and a two-headed guy with the IQ of a cannoli. So yeah, everything's okay."

"When we're kids, before we're taught how to think, or what to believe, our hearts tell us there is something else out there. I know what I saw. You tell me what I'm supposed to believe."

"Peter Graves: Although no one has ever been able to prove their existence, a quasi-government agency known as the Men in Black supposedly carries out secret operations here on earth in order to keep us safe from aliens throughout the galaxies. Here is one of their stories that "never happened" from one of their files that "doesn’t exist"."

"Frank the Pug: (upon seeing Ben's skin only) Hey, J, zero percent body fat! (Homage to Lara Flynn Boyle.)"

"Worms: Once you've had worm, that’s what you'll yearn!"

"Grand Central Station Locker Creatures: K is back! The light keeper! All hail K! All hail K! Oh, K, can you see by the dawn's early light..."

"Jeebs: (head is growing back after J shot it off) Oh, great, right in the pie-hole! Now nuttin’s gonna taste right!"

"MIB Guard: [after J and K come to stop Serleena, he's reading a tabloid that says "Satan Escapes from Hell."] It's about time you guys got here. That pretty lady in there is causin’ all kinds-a-hell."

"On that second film, we sort of forgot a few things. The second film, I think, tried a little too hard for “comedy,” and also the first and third films have very strong villains. The second film, although Johnny Knoxville and Lara Flynn Boyle are funny, they’re not really quite strong enough to make your heroes be heroic. I think we learned our lessons and went back tonally to the first film."

"We Got a World to Save"

"Same Planet. New Scum."

"Coming to Rid Your Earth of the Scum of the Universe... Again!"

"This Summer, They're Back in Black."

"This Summer, They're Back in Business. They're Back in Action. They're Back in Black."

"Time to put on the last suit you'll ever wear...again..."

"Back in Black."

"Tommy Lee Jones - Agent K/Kevin Brown"

"Will Smith - Agent J/James Darrell Edwards III"

"Rip Torn - Zed"

"Lara Flynn Boyle - Serleena"

"Johnny Knoxville - Scrad/Charlie"

"Rosario Dawson - Laura"

"Tony Shalhoub - Jack Jeebs"

"Patrick Warburton - Agent T"

"Jack Kehler - Ben"

"Colombe Jacobsen - Hailey"

"Michael Jackson - Agent M"

"Peter Graves - Himself"

"Biz Markie - Beatboxing Alien"

"Nick Cannon - MIB Autopsy Agent"

"Jay Johnston - Younger Pizza Parlor MIB Agent"

"Drew Massey - Worm Boy (uncredited)"

"Kevin Grevioux - Pineal Eye"

"Martha Stewart - Herself (cameo)"

"Tim Blaney - Frank the Pug (voice)"

"Greg Ballora - Sleeble"

"Carl J. Johnson - Gleeble"

"Thom Fountain - Neeble"

"Brad Abrell - Mannix"

"Richard Pearson - Gordy"

"You sold a reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacity to an unlicensed cephalopoid, Jeebs, you piece of...!"

"Scottie Ray as Mikey and additional alien voices"

"Tim Blaney as Frank the Pug (voice)"

"David Cross as Newton the Morgue Attendant"

"Richard Hamilton as Agent D"