"Found in the book Diving for Sunken Treasure: When one man, for whatever the reason, has the ability to lead an extraordinary life, he has no right to keep it to himself."

"Found on Max Fischer's Mother's Grave Stone: All paths of glory lead but to the grave."

"Rosemary: Nihil Sanctisne?, Is nothing sacred?"

"Mr. Littlejeans: Best play ever, man."

"Bert Fischer: [to Herman] Are you fond of that moustache?"

"Magnus Buchan: I always wanted to be in one of your fuckin' plays."

"I'm not even here right now, I'm in Cheyenne Wyoming."

"You're a married man, Blume."

"...I knew for sure when they went skinny-dipping in Mr. Blume's pool while giving eachother handjobs..."

"[to Max] I just wanted to say, I'm sorry I threw rocks at you that day."

"[On a walkie-talkie] There's action across the street. [static] It's Snowman! Take him!"

"Oh yeah and with friends like you who needs friends?"

"Did Max have something planned for us today? A trip to a museum or something?"

"She's sweet, but she's fucked up."

"[Describing Max to the police] 112 pounds. Black hair. Glasses... Oval face."

"Never in my wildest imagination did I ever dream I would have sons like these."

"Mmm, I'm a little bit lonely these days"

"[Speech to the students of Rushmore Academy] You guys have it real easy. I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and you're going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you."

"[to Rosemary] Sic transit gloria. Glory fades. I'm Max Fischer...."

"You think I got kicked out for just the aquarium? Nah, it was the handjob. And you wanna know something else? It was worth it."

"[to Rosemary] Rushmore was my life, now you are."

"I wrote a hit play!"

"Well, tell that stupid mick he just made my list of things to do today."

"[to Rosemary] I'm sorry, I just came by to thank you for WRECKING MY LIFE!"

"[to Rosemary] So we both have dead people in our families."

"[to Dr. Peter] I was punched in the face. What's your excuse?"

"[Introducing his play "Heaven and Hell"] Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them."

"I saved Latin. What did you ever do?"

"Maybe I'm spending too much of my time starting up clubs and putting on plays. I should probably be trying harder to score chicks. That's all anyone really cares about."

"My top schools where I want to apply to are Oxford and the Sorbonne. But my safety's Harvard."

"Grandma: Dinner's gonna be late. [goes outside chasing a cat] Here, boy! Here, boy!"

"Dan Hedaya — Tully Alford"

"Elizabeth Wilson — Dr. Greta Pinder-Schloss / Abigail Craven"

"Judith Malina — Grandma"

"Christopher Lloyd — Uncle Fester / Gordon Craven"

"Jimmy Workman — Pugsley Addams"

"Christina Ricci — Wednesday Addams"

"Raúl Juliá — Gomez Addams"

"Anjelica Huston — Morticia Addams"

"Fester: Three parts dynamite, with a nitroglycerin cap. It's perfect for small homes, carports and toolsheds."

"That's the spirit, Thing! Lend a hand!"

"Taught to us by our Cossack cousins, the Mamushka has been an Addams family tradition since God knows when. We danced the Mamushka while Nero fiddled. We danced the Mamushka at Waterloo. We danced the Mamushka for Jack the Ripper. And now, Fester Addams, this Mamushka is for you."

"Spirits above me, give me a sign! Shall I be joyous, or shall I be damned?"

""How do you take it off?" That's absurd! That finger trap was a party favor at his 10th birthday! He wore that finger trap for two years! Mother had to teach him to eat with his feet!"

"[Watching Morticia sleep] Look at her. I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss."

"[to Tully] Dirty pool, old man. I like it!"

"[watching Pugsley sleep] He looks so sweet... just like a little entrée."

"They say she danced naked in the town square and enslaved a minister! But don't worry, we told Wednesday, "College first.""

"[looking through an armoire] Uncle Nick-Nack's winter wardrobe... Uncle Nick-Nack's summer wardrobe... Uncle Nick-Nack..."