Actresses From Pennsylvania

"I'm not here for your entertainment. You don't really want to mess with me tonight. Just stop and take a second. I was fine before you walked into my life. 'Cause you know it's over Before it began. Keep your drink, just give me the money. It's just you and your hand tonight."

"Go away, Give me a chance to miss you. Say goodbye, It'll make me want to kiss you. I love you so Much more when you're not here, Watchin all the bad shows, Drinking all of my beer.I don't believe Adam and Eve Spent every goddamn day together. If you give me some room, there will be room enough for two."

"Honey, beside me, you look like Tony Randall!"

"I like being a pin-up girl. There's nothing wrong with it."

"I will never be satisfied. Life is one constant search for betterment for me."

"A woman should be pink and cuddly for a man."

"I don't want to get involved in the racial situation at the expense of losing fans. I wouldn't say anything too strong but I do know that God created us equal and we're not living up to it."

"A forty-one inch bust and a lot of perseverance will get you more than a cup of coffee — a lot more. But most girls don't know what to do with what they've got."

"Carrying a baby is the most rewarding experience a female can enjoy. A father shares in that experience, knowing that he caused it to happen."

"Mickey is a hard worker. He takes care of the house, looks after my animals, and satisfies me. What else can one expect of a man?"

"I don't know why you people [the press] like to compare me to Marilyn or that girl, what's her name, Kim Novak. Cleavage, of course, helped me a lot to get where I am. I don't know how they got there."

"I've been identified with pink throughout my career, but I'm not as crazy about it as I've led people to believe. My favorite colors are actually neutrals—black and white—but then who thinks of a movie queen in black and white? Everything has to be in living color."

"Nothing risqué nothing gained!"

"We eat a lot of lean meat and fresh vegetables…. You are what you eat, you know. When I'm 100, I'll still be doing pin-ups."

"It is the most wonderful feeling in the world, you know, knowing you are loved and wanted."

"If you're going to do something wrong, do it big, because the punishment is the same either way."

"Jayne Mansfield is making a career of being a girl."

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"Who is the most unfortunate actress in Hollywood? There are many contenders for the role. Reading, however, about Sharon Stone, you just think: woah — never has someone been so sucked in, chewed up and spat out by a bunch of grasping, evil men. She recently explained how she lost custody of her son because of that famous scene in Basic Instinct. The judge asked Roan, then very young: "Do you know your mother makes sex movies?" She was admitted to hospital with a prolapsed heart valve after he was taken from her: "It literally broke my heart," she said. ... I don’t pretend that Stone is perfect — any woman over the age of 16 knows where the instruction "Take your knickers off" can lead. But how Hollywood treats women is repulsive — it will take anything that is beautiful, funny and talented and turn it into a broken, tarnished mess. It will beg you to play up and play sexy and take your clothes off, and then punish you just for following orders. Did the judge enjoy his viewing of Basic Instinct? I bet he did."

"It's traumatizing for me to come to Washington during a Republican administration because I don't have any Republican clothes."

"An individual who isn't worth the ink it would take to write about him."

"My father has always been supportive of my individuality."

"After we shot Basic Instinct, I got called in to see it. Not on my own with the director, as one would anticipate, given the situation that has given us all pause, so to speak, but with a room full of agents and lawyers, most of whom had nothing to do with the project. That was how I saw my vagina-shot for the first time, long after I'd been told "We can't see anything—I just need you to remove your panties, as the white is reflecting the light, so we know you have panties on." Yes, there have been many points of view on this topic, but since I'm the one with the vagina in question, let me say: the other points of view are bullshit. Now, here is the issue, it didn't matter anymore. It was me and my parts up there. I had decisions to make. I went to the projection booth, slapped Paul across the face, left, went to my car, and called my lawyer, Marty Singer [who said she could gain an injunction against the release of the film with the shot] ... I choose to allow this scene in the film. Why? Because it was correct for the film and for the character; and because, after all, I did it."

"On Matthew McConaughey: "He was always taking his shirt off, he's like "Yeah, here's my deal, I'm hot." We had a meeting one day at like 11 o'clock, right before the show and he walks into the meeting shirtless wearing this like old musty sarong... He doesn't smell great, no.""

"They made a porn movie about Sarah Palin, and the same actress, Lisa Ann, played me in the porn version of 30 Rock. Weirdly, of the three of us, Lisa Ann knows the most about foreign policy."

""So, Alec Baldwin; great actor or greatest actor?" I'm gonna say "greatest actor"; Greatest...living...American...actor...in...the Baldwin family...by a mile."

""Do the NBC bigheads really pay attention to these message boards?" Um, I don't know if they read the message boards. I hope so, because I write fifty to a thousand fake posts a week, mostly, uh, saying that I'm really good and that no else is as good as me. So, I hope they listen to that because I'm trying to get a raise."

""I can't believe you recently had a baby. How do you do it?" [pause] The baby starts to come down...and once that happens you can't-it comes out. Whether you let it or not, the baby comes out. So that's how I did it."

"This is, uh, from "RedSoxGirl02," um, so that person is four years old, I guess, 'cause their thing is "02.""

"Question number one is from someone who calls himself "The Controvert." He says, "Hi, Tina, I love you in the show. In my humble opinion, when a show pushes the boundaries, you end up with a lot of passionate people on both sides. What do you think of the criticism the show gets?" I think that people who say they love the show and they think it's great and they write good reviews of it, are-are correct and that people who don't like the show for any reason are probably-they're just confusing it with Studio 60."

"Brokeback Mountain was released last weekend. Its notable for being the first Western where the good guys get it in the end."

"If these two are tired of having stuff with each other, what hope is there for the rest of us?"

"At the upcoming Grammy Awards, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony will perform together as the first time, as man and wife. Hopefully music."

"Maxim magazine recently released its annual hot 100 list, with Eva Longoria at #1, followed by Jennifer Garner and Lindsay Lohan. While I, once again, was ranked between Bonnie Hunt and Joy Behar."

"Wafah Dufour bin Laden, niece of Osama bin Laden has signed a contract to star in a reality show...called Skating with the Nieces of Terrorists."

"In an interview, Paris Hilton said that of her and her sister, "People love to hate us. But when you know us, you love us. And if you really get to know us, you get gonorrhea.""

"NBC announced this week that they will be producing a 3 hour TV movie based on the life of Rudolph Giuliani. To keep the movie real to life, the Giuliani character is really unlikeable until the last 15 minutes, when everyone loves him."

"MTV announced this week that the next season of The Real World will be shot in Detroit, as will several cast members."

"A recent study announced that 52 per cent of all teens who sign virginity pledges recant them within twelve months. If I'm on my game."

"CBS announced that will not air moveon.org's winning anti-Bush ad during the super bowl, saying that they don't air so-called "issue ads." Unless the issue is that girls are sluts for beer."

"FOX is developing a new reality dating series called Playing it Straight, in which a female contestant will date 14 bachelors, some of whom are gay, and some are straight. The show was originally called The Tina Fey College Experience."

"Two days before Britney Spears' HBO concert from Las Vegas, someone broke into her dressing room and stole the white, Elvis-inspired jumpsuit that she wore to promote the event. And you know what, I'm not giving it back! I keep it now, it's mine!"

"Polaroid is warning customers not to listen to the part of the Outkast song Hey Ya! that tells people to "shake it like a Polaroid picture", because that could actually ruin the pictures. In a related story, Bacardi is warning shorties to be responsible and not “sip Bacardi like it’s Dey birfday.""

"SpongeBob SquarePants will begin airing in China in December so millions of factory workers can finally know what they’re making. But Chinese censors have ordered the name of the show be changed to "CleaningpadCharlie RectangleShorts""

"Bill Clinton's brother Roger was arrested this week for drunk driving in California and then was thrown out of a restaurant after threatening the doorman. Despite all this, Roger Clinton is still the least embarrassing member of his family."

"The Washington State Supreme Court on Thursday announced a two year suspension for a lawyer caught having jailhouse sex with a triple murder defendant she was representing. Haha! Jokes on you, dummies...I'm not really a lawyer."

"It was reported that the New York Knicks have won all 12 of the home games attended by magician David Blaine. A spokesman for the Knicks said, 'if this is what it takes to win, it's not worth it.'"

"It was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife Madonna in a small walk-on role in his new movie, Revolver. Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film."

"This week, penny collector Gene Sukie went to the bank and cashed in 10,000 pounds of pennies he had collected over 34 years, which were worth over 14,000 dollars. And, of course, I was in line behind him."

"Well, today in New York, after months of build up and anticipation, Star Jones made history and became the first person ever to get married."