First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"Angela Merkel: [singing] My economists told me we'd be talking a week I said, darling, all these figures, to me it's all Greek Everybody, everywhere wants some money And they wonder why we Germans don't find things funny If you bail out a nation you expect a little gratitude But let me tell you, baby, all you get's a lot of attitude One long, never-ending economic wreck At the end of which is Germany signing every cheque I'm a honey with the money and, honey, it ain't funny When the honey with the money has to shell out all the money And it's funny how the countries that suddenly need the money And whose idea was the Eurozone? [Angela scats] Far, far, far on the autobahn [Angela scats] Neunundneunzig Luftballons The pain in Spain gives me a migraine They exploit us all in Portugal Go to Slovakia, they just attack-ia When you're hanging out with Putin, don't put your foot in, Or else Putin will put his boot in There's an inner Putin, Vladimir Putin Mamma Mia don't mess in Crimea Crimea, Crimea Cry me a river, what are you going to do? Birgit: Sing! Sing! Angela Merkel: I like soul and R&B Crowd: And Eurovision secretly Angela Merkel: I speak Russian fluently Crowd: Good accent apparently Angela Merkel: Got a degree in chemistry Crowd: At Leipzig University Angela Merkel: I've never taken LSD Crowd: But she drinks beer occasionally Angela Merkel: Favourite sandwich, BLT Angela Merkel: Her middle name is Dorothy Angela Merkel: Eins, zwei, drei, vier Get me an Uber over here Ja."
"Angela Merkel: [singing] I thought they were my friends I thought that we were cool Now I'm like the schlummy dummy no-one likes at school Behind my back they're laughing Especially the Brits They're like, "Angela, whatever." Those stupid Brexit shits On the refugees I acted The moment when I ask for help they all gang up on me All on my own Here I am All on my own Who gives a damn? Ratings at an all time low Oh, man, it makes me blue Oh, Birgit, baby, be a buddy Tell me vhat to do Birgit: Don't let those schweine get you down They do not have a clue You're the EU anchor EU banker That's why they hate you Angela Merkel: Too true! Birgit: We've always worked things out Since we were oh so small Angela Merkel: So small! Birgit: Dreaming of another life on the right side of the wall Angela Merkel: I used to be so va-va-voom It all was so light-hearted Now when I walk into a room it's like, "Mein Gott, who farted?" All on my own [Birgit: No, you're not, my Chancellorette. Here I am] All on my own [Birgit: Nein, nein. Here I am I give a damn] Up scheisse creek with no paddle They've brought me to my knees So now it's just the two of us Birgit: And a million refugees"
"Tracey Ullman as Various"
"I predict a riot, I predict a riot, I predict a riot, I predict a riot. More on that story later."
"It is with deep regret and double chin that I announce this."
"I swear you're just like a pill. Instead of making me better you're making me ill. More on that story later."
"I'm not trying to pull you, even though I would like to. I think you are really fit. You're fit but my gosh don't you know it. More on that story later."
"I used the funds for my large volume of important work (Beat) and my wife's volume of important hair"
"You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot — happy Christmas, your arse, I pray God it's your last. More on that story later."
"[regarding George W. Bush] As you can see, the lights are on but no one's in the trailer home."
"[after just regenerating into the Tenth Doctor] New Labour. That's weird."
"I never said I was the Queen. This was twisted by the media back into the order in which I said it."
"The listeners understand, John, and Gordon Brown agrees with this and you've had your say, that in so far as this policy is implemented if I can get a word in edgeways and the whole Cabinet is behind this…"
"He was a skater boy, she said see you later boy, he wasn't good enough for her. More on that story later."
"Slack-jawed simpletons of Britain, this is your leader…"
"My fellow Merkins…"
"People of Britain, this is your Emperor…"
"Look, simply Blair has lost touch with the people! (Beat) Oh dear I almost made sense there!"
"... But I am not Tony Blair. No, my real name is Enrique "The Condor" Martinez ..."
"And that's the end of the whole affair. And by affair I don't mean affair so will you quiet down, Pauline!"
"My fellow animaniacs…"
"My fellow Ugly Bettys..."
"My fellow amoeboids…"
"My fellow watermelons…"
"My fellow pelicans…"
"My fellow umbrellastands…"
"My fellow sea-beavers…"
"My fellow ostriches…"
"My fellow Bulgarians…"
"My fellow Abi Titmuses…"
"My fellow Algorithms…"
"You miserable gits, this is your Prime Minister…"
"My fellow crustaceans..."
"[Referring to the end of the Iraq War] I give my word to the Iraqi people that American construction firms have arrived on the ground and will commence reincarnation immediately…"
"You must remember that Al-Qaeda therapists despise the American way of life, and everything you and I hold to be queer…"
"Today the Iraqi people will be voting — whether they are Sonnies or Chers."
"The Iraqi people can look forward to a future free of intimidation and violins."
"Former President, Bill Clitoris…"
"My fellow cabinet members, Donald Rumsfeld and Basmati Rice…"
"Abu Musab al-Safari and the Iraqi detergents are vanished."
"Yassir Crackerjack and the Polyunsaturated people."
"[After a long speech] I hope I have made myself queer."
"As a result, the North Korean leader Kim Jong-il announcified that he would be resumerating their nucular program."
"Al-Kapowwow"
"People of Britain, starey eyes, sweaty palms, receding hairline, yesterday I announced…"
"People of Britain, oh how I hate to be beside the seaside grimace, hate Gordon Brown hand gesture, looking over his shoulder underpants…"
"People of Britain, this is your Prime Minister, twitchy face, embarrassing plum suit, today..."
"People of Britain, this is your Supreme Overlord…"
"People of Britain, who hate me…"
"People of Britain, this is your I-can't-believe-it's-not-Gordon Prime Minister."