"I'm Brewster. (whispers)Not my real name. My parents named me Jack. 'Jack' - so strong, so masculine. We get it! You wanted a boy! Ma name's Jack! I punch bad guys and I kiss girls."

"Why can't I crack this? Dammit!"

"I could have one in my mouth and two in each hands and still win the straight award !"

"Shut up! I'm too straight to be gay!"

"(repeated line) Name, gimme a name."

"Kiss kiss, bang bang, bye bye. Cheer Camp. We are leaving, we are leaving. We are leaving."

"So not only do I find out yesterday I'm adopted, the people I've been calling 'mom' and 'dad' are actually infertile impostors who bought me outside of a meth clinic in Cincinnati for two boxes of Sudafed, but I also get this news dropped on me: my birth father, Bruce, he needs a kidney and I'm the only match! And apparently Bruce needs it stat. Mhm, you need it stat, Bruce? Huh? Well maybe I needed a father stat, instead of this stay-at-home-dad who showers me with love every day of my life this goddamn spermless liar! So now I gotta be at Kaiser Permanente tomorrow at 6:00 am. I know, Bruce couldn't even afford a real hospital. Managed care. It's ironic, huh? He never managed to care for me."

"We're doing a lot of talking during the routine. I'm new but, this seems like a lot of talking during the routine."

"Humans are the only species that can lie, except for maybe chameleons. Oh, and possums, they play dead."

"Look at that, huh? We're all here thinking inside the box, and you're outside of it, playing a little game of 'What If.' Gorgeous and brilliant, the triple threat."

"Do not poop where you eat, remember? That's why they're no restaurants called 'The Bathroom'."

"Bottomless breadsticks only keep you at the Olive Garden for so long, until at some point you look up and say 'Why the hell am I at the Olive Garden with all these fat people?'"

"I could be watching Project Runway marathon with Nathan Lane under my blouse and still win the straight award."

"Screw football, let's go cheer!"

"'Panthers out'? What are they, a knife gang?"

"You gotta risk it to get the biscuit."

"Timothy Crowe - Mr. Funderburk"

"George Martin - Dean Mort"

"Samantha Lavigne - 'Clops'"

"Richard Jenkins - Barney"

"Gabriel Mann - Jack Wheeler"

"Jesse Leach - Decenz"

"Adam LaVorgna - Tommy The Wire"

"Jonathan Brandis - Mousy"

"Jon Abrahams - Drugs Delaney"

"Alec Baldwin - Old Man Dunphy"

"Amy Smart - Jane Weston"

"Shawn Hatosy - Timothy "Dildo" Dunphy"

"There once was a boy from Pawtucket..."

"Tim's getting a future...whether he likes it or not!"

"You wouldn't know a classy broad if she took a dump on your head."

"One more thing. Making sex is like Chinese dinner. It ain't over till you both get your cookies...Remember that I said that."

"My brother's in a wheel chair because of a freak accident as a kid. One day we were playing touch football and he fell off the roof."

"It's a little slow-paced, and the comedy is often silly, but if you want to see a movie that is entertaining, sometimes hilarious, and always unique, this is a good one. ... The Gods Must Be Crazy is slapstick with a message and because the film is intelligent, it's one of the only slapstick comedies since the Marx Brothers that really works. ... Some might complain that the film's treatment of the Bushmen is not too accurate — Bushmen are not this clueless about the ways of the white man — but most of the white characters in the movie are just as goofy, so the film's pretty even-handed in that respect."

"[threatening the sergeant, while holding Kate Thompson at gunpoint] Sergeant, I'm going to walk due east from here to Motambe and I'm taking all these kids with me. If I see one truck, or one aeroplane, or one policeman, or one soldier, or one person, we'll mow these kids down."

"Stop playing that bloody game."

"Hey you! You didn't hear me? Lie down!"

"The man we want is the President, not the bloody Minister of Education, understand? I'll come with you and we'll get him in his bed."

"You killed three, and wounded five, and you lost four."

"You better do your thing before the pupils come."